Why do so many single men blame all of their problems on women?

This isn't to say women aren't like this too, I know they are. But it seems most of these people are men. I know so many single men who refuse to see it is their fault and they need to change, especially on little bit of time I've been on GAG here.
I hate to say it but my 24 year old brother is the same way. He's never had a girfriend/date and I doubt he's been intimate with a woman (which isn't a bad thing anyway.) However, he puts all the blame on women. He went to a Catholic Middle School and him and my parents agreed it was the girls fault why he couldn't meet someone. He went to a Public high school, didn't meet any girls, never had a Prom date or anything and he and my parents blamed it on the girls, saying it's "just high schoo girlsl" bla bla. In his undergrad at a college, he couldn't meet any girls, and my parents and him both agreed college girls are "stuck-up" and not mature yet. And what a surprise, he is now almost out of grad school at a DIFFERENT college and sure enough, him and his parents are bashing young women again. I used to feel sorry for him but I no longer do. He is arrogant, rude and not friendly. However, my parents, my other brothers and him all think all the blame is on the girls. He is the common doniminator, he is the problem and HE is the one with the issue. How can you meet thousands of girls at several schools and locations and get the SAME results every time?

My brother isn't the only one like this, I've met so many guys like this. What gives?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds kind of like my parents. They weren't really trying to blame it on women though, they just tried to manipulate me with that. "Oh, high school girls are like that just get good grades and everything will magically fix itself." It didn't "Oh college women are different go to college and everything will magically work out" it didn't. "Oh undergrad girls are all like that, go for your masters and the women will be different." Needless to say after years of the same bs from them I finally figured it out.

    I think you should at least try to help your bro figure this out as well. Your parents sound like they are both very well educated, like mine, they think the end all be all to ALL of life's problems is more education. It worked out for them, they ignored everything and just kept going to school, and hey they met each other and it all worked out, so they think that if he does the exact same thing it will magically work out for him too. They are most likely wrong.

    He sounds like a lucky man to have a sis who cares about him so much.

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    • Thank you! I'm glad you see where I'm coming from.

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    • Being whiny and self pitying makes him a pussy. Nice try to attack me though.

    • Oh you want to talk about being a pussy? How about you, asshole. So you didn't get MHO and you thought you really should have. Deal with it, move on, and stop being a whinny bitch about it!

What Guys Said 25

  • I don't know enough to make a judgement.

    But, I should point out that, just because someone is the common denominator, that doesn't necessarily mean that he or she is the problem. If you were in Nazi Germany, or the Jim Crow Deep South, or Communist North Korea, you might find yourself the common denominator of various problems, but that wouldn't mean that you were the problem.

    I suspect your parents and the schools are to blame. Religion plus political correctness is a toxic mix.

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    • This has nothing to do with religion or political correctness.

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    • This has everything to do with religion. And I never bought politics in. I'm trying to highlight the cause of your brothers behaviour. It's not a women's fault (or feminism), but the options your brother chooses (or doesn't see) is based on distorted thinking that was created in his childhood. And religion or parents who follow religion strictly create guys like your brother. We get taught all these wonderful ideals but in reality they don't exist. i have

    • Now I'm not saying religion always creates guys like your bro. But a large minority of overly now guys who struggle with women come from religious backgrounds. I'm one, and I know many as well. In fact in trying to help a friend now who is very Christian but very suicidal because he can't make friends or get women. The guy is very handsome but his thinking is just messed up.

  • Well, you seem to be assuming that there is some "fault" to be assigned in this matter. Sometimes things are no one's fault. Some people--guys and girls--are just out of step with their peers. They just don't fit in, to use a tired cliche, and this creates a sense of alienation between them and others that perpetuates into a downward spiral to the point that the person just stops trying to connect with others.

    You should really investigate the Myers-Briggs temperament theory if you want to understand why your brother is so unable to make connections with girls his age. Honestly, there are millions of guys like him. I'd bet that he's an introverted intuitive type just based on the limited information you present about him.

    As far as him blaming girls for his problems, it just sounds to me like he's a frustrated guy who doesn't understand why he can't make the connection. Can you blame him for being frustrated? Guys have powerful sex drives and no real roadmap to show us how to get them satisfied.

    He'll figure it out in time, but in the meantime it sounds like you could be a much better sister by parking your condemnation and offering him some constructive help about his problems. I'm sure the guy gets enough flak in his daily life, he doesn't need any additional from his family.

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    • Yes, I would agree with this. The only thing I would add is that he's doing himself a disservice by abrogating his part in his frustrations. He needs to keep trying, because giving up and blaming others isn't going to help. It's only going to drive him farther into himself and make things that much more difficult.

    • Within this you have admitted that the problem most likely lays within him, and his projection of blame outward to women is a mistake, I am glad you have some upvotes because either the guys downvoting me and Klaatu didn't catch your suggestion, or they just liked how you delicately worded it.

  • Hey girly, I'd say its coz they're bitter. Experiences shape who you are. Im single and almost 24 (like your bro) but I've dated some. I wouldn't say Im bitter against girls, but I do keep my eyes and ears open when with them. They love games and I got in some hot water a few years ago with a girl where, I'd say, she manipulated me. Spent 2 years recovering from it. I always was hard on myself because of it, but with lots of time to think and rewind what had happened, it became clear where i messed up and should have know the red flags... hence why im really aware now. Never again will I spend 2 years in the dark from a girl that I only knew for 3 months

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  • Women also have this issue, it just comes later in life, with 'Where are all the good men'.

    The reason guys get like this earlier, is basically because they do most of the approaching.
    And repeated rejection just fucks your self-esteem over big-time, because 99 of 100 times, rejection is based on shallow values... especially in the younger years.

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  • hahahhaha just bitter and desperate after being reject multiple times... they think it's gals' fault ;)

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  • To be honest... your parents are to blame. I'm going to take it further and say, religion is to blame. Now before I go further, I come from a very religious background and have been in the same place as your brother and have heeded the same advice as your parents (I. e girls are stuck up). The big give away is when you say "being intimate with a women isn't a bad thing either". again your probably well intentioned parents raised him wrong. I know 3 other guys like your brother too.

    Ok specifically, religious teachings make it difficult for any guy to get girls. In short, you are taught nice does get girls (good Samaritans are rewarded), you are taught to have faith and something good will happen (instead of working for it) and that there is only one girl that you must marry. So the guy is overwhelmed and thinks dating multiple women or breaking hearts is wrong. So the person he crushes on, he loves and sees them being together forever on first site. When it doesn't happen (obviously) it's devastating. You lost the one. also heavy religious moms with well intentioned dads raise their sons to be too kind and caring (so much so they become that proverbial shy nice guy) and lose their "manliness" that attracts women. In short, the day I pissed on the bible and left my parents, was the day life started coming right for me. But I'm a very late bloomer and I still regret my life

    Then comes the victim mentality. how can it be a nice guys fault he doesn't get women for his nice behaviour? Bad women!! Well it's because his world that was ingrained into him by your parents sabotaged his thinking. The rules given to him about life are wrong yet he needs to step out his comfort zone to beat them.

    I recommend the book "no more mr nice guy" by Robert glover. It's an amazin book.

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    • you were so many years in a religious background but still are ignorant. this puritan superficial selfish kindness has nothing to do with true christian teachings. some people truly trie to live by the moral standards of bible. try to cut off sin from its roots and dont let it happen even mentally. if a person chooses to live by so high moral standards noone has the right to blame him for choosing not to date anyone. Christ was clear. if you are with me the world will hate you and persecute you cause you won't be like them, your spirit, life and efforts will contradict the fallen spirit of the world.

  • I can only speak for myself.

    My mother is volatile and was miserable and horrible to my doormat father in my childhood and youth.

    I guess they never even noticed how shy I was around girls. When I got a crush on a girl, I would idolize her completely. All the girls loved the guy in my class who was good at sports. So I played a lot of sports to emulate him. Did not work.

    When puberty hit, all the girls in my class started hanging out with older guys. My guy friends and I felt like underdeveloped midgets. Meanwhile, you were fed all this stuff in movies about being a soldier, or being a brave prince rescuing the princess from the dragon or whatever.

    And then you encountered porn, and that was exciting, but also felt sinful, and surely those good girls could not enjoy stuff like that, surely the guys who were doing it to them were bad?

    I was so shy, and the girls I was attracted to never seemed to notice me, and the girls who were attracted to me were not my type.

    Also, there was the whole theme of "creepiness". You would overhear girls talk about some guy who was such a creep because of something sexual, and you would hear about rape in the news.

    It was so confusing, and at the same time you were expected to be this confident bad boy-type persona who you didn't feel like at all.

    And the girls and women in your life always seemed so confident. The women, the teachers, your friends' mothers, they would bellow and boss you around and tell you what to do and state their opinion as if it was the only possible valid opinion and anything else was "bad". You felt guilty for being a boy who didn't do his homework and just dreamed of having fun. The girls didn't boss you around, they just seemed to be too grownup for you, overbearing and just as confident as the mothers and teachers.

    Then you left school, still a virgin, never had a girlfriend. You idolized and lusted after women, admired them for being sensible and disciplined and beautiful and everything you were not.

    You experienced mutual interest, but by that point, your self-esteem was such that you considered yourself a nuisance, whose only value to women was that of the Hollywood hero who dies some meaningful death to protect the woman he loves. So nothing ever came of it, because you wanted to protect her from yourself, so you did nothing, so nothing happened.

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    • You lost your virginity and had fleeting relationships, but they were with women who wanted you, and you had zero experience and zero self-worth, so you didn't tell them you weren't attracted to them, really. You just longed for intimacy.

      You grew older and more lonely, and saw other guys succeed seemingly effortlessly. You experienced rejection, and you watched young women, confident, successful, have their pic of the litter. You noticed how it is always the women who are pursued because men are so horny, and the women choose, and they enjoy it. Some of them enjoy turning down men coldly. Some of them take offence at men even being interested in them. Such is their lot.

      And you meet feminists, and read them, and they talk about how bad women have it, and you realise that you don't understand women that well, and that they do suffer. At the same time, there is so much anger towards you as a man. Men rape. Men abuse. Men kill. Men are sexist pigs. Men are dirty old men.

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    • gibberish. gibberish. gibberish. blah blah blah. i told you pal. these problems DONT EXIST. you are chasing ghosts. why compare your life with others in the first place. think about how awesome you have been. if others went through all the things you did, would they be able to survive? you are a survivor. are you hurt? yes. are you traumatized by the long struggle? yes. but guess what. you are a winner. why? you are still here able to whine about it. the ability for change is in your hands. your opponents is not the others. its your old self. thats what you are called to overcome.

    • Hmm. Thanks for your advice.

  • It's both sexes. Self accountability is at an all time low.

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    • "This isn't to say women aren't like this too, I know they are."-First line of my description. READ better.

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    • I see equally bitter women as well. Just they seem to be more social accepted than men are.

    • The Internet is a breeding ground for bitter men. Just because women whine less here doesn't mean that there are less bitter women than there are men.

  • Could be a lot of things. Maybe said guy never learned to handle rejection very well, maybe he's had one too many bad experiences, or if he's never been with a woman at all then maybe he's bitter about the fact. Said single guy will let these bad experiences make him negative and bitter, and he tries to cope with this frustration by explaining it to himself in his head that women are to be blamed. It's a vicious cycle.

    In the case of your brother, you can't just say that it's all his fault to begin with. But I do agree that nowadays it is him that's become the problem.

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  • Women and men have complete opposite problems. Women have to deal with unwanted approaches from men all the time. Men have to deal with being undervalued and alone for so long because it's a lot harder for them to meet someone. I don't know your brother so I cannot speak for his situation, but a LOT of girls I've met in life have disappointed me with how immature and hypocritical they are. I can see why you would blame some of the women, but not all of them. If he keeps getting the same results, he is probably the problem. However, don't tell me there aren't a lot girls out there of very low quality.

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  • Why don't women accept responsibility for their actions? Either way, people like to be victims, self pity if addictive.

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    • "This isn't to say women aren't like this too, I know they are."-That was the first line of my description. Read better.

    • Keep the shaming tactics for people it will work on.

      My point is that women will say a man is to blame for everything that happens, and that the denial of responsibility for ones actions is apparent in both genders.

  • @Klaatu51 basically has it right. They are incapable of introspection and instead blame everything outside of themselves when the problem lays almost entirely within them. Jaded bitter weak minded entitled men.

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    • thanks a bunch bro

    • They objectify and sexualize women, don't respect them as equals, feel entitled to them, despite not having much to offer themselves and put little effort in maintaining a good relationship, and then blame the girls for not wanting them, what a joke.

  • It's more convenient than facing their character flaws.

    Here is one way to make it clear. What is the common denominator in all of your relationships? YOU. So if you are fifty percent of every relationship equation and it keeps going wrong, where is the problem?

    If that doesn't make it clear, then he doesn't WANT to see the truth.

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  • I suppose it is hard to look in the mirror and easier to pick an outside target. The stereotypical target is women so it becomes the obvious choice.

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  • He's wrong. We don't like to be wrong and if our parents give us no accountability for our wrong actions and even encourage us...

    I realized lately, that in order to have a good relationship, or a date or whatever, I need to improve my social skills. So day by day, I'm improving at them, talking to people and stuff. I'm learning a lot.

    You need to tell him that he needs to improve and help him do it.

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  • its not about single. its about pride.

    some men thinks they are never wrong

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  • Why do so many people choose to generalise?

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  • Why do you know every intimate detail of your brother's relationship past and present?

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  • It is easy to do

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  • I hear a lot of girls who can't find boyfriends they want. Because women are very picky

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  • Some women come off as bitches, who believe the guy has to Prince Charming and they have a list of demands the guy must have. Its been socially proven time and time again the average looking woman will always get asked out more than her counterpart. Hell even on dating sites if your a woman and ugly even or average you'll still get more messages from the opposite sex. Guys have to try harder or prove themselves more/worthy or a woman's time. Woman need to wake up stop putting so much pressure on guys because its only a matter of time before they realize their wasting their time. by the way would it kill you to approach more once in awhile? Some of you act like its a crime.

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  • help you're brother out sounds like he's lost when it comes to women
    honestly easy way too get women is too lie

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  • Isn't the answer obvious?

    Because adults he trusts, like his parents, have consistently told him the problem is the girls around him.

    This line gets fed all the time to guys who are nice, polite, studious. Basically these guys are still following the traditional rules that made you marriageable 80 years ago. So back then, maybe they would have been a hit with the ladies (note that they'd probably also have been toughened up more as 'men' back then more than now).

    Nowadays, women at least young ones aren't looking for a stable husband, they're looking for a guy who is hot and fun. 80 years ago any girl like that was a slut you were supposed to ignore. So these guys keep being told girls who don't like them and go after more attractive guys are worthless sluts (its hinted at if not said) and the 'right' girls will like them.

    Then they lash out at girls, because - by the standards they've been brainwashed to - all girls are, in fact, sluts and there are no good girls.

    It takes a while to deprogram and it probably won't happen while he's living at home.

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  • Because women are bitches for not wanting to date a fat loser who still lives with his mamma! hahahahahaha

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  • im like your brother and YES women are too blame. they destroyed my life. if they never want to date me (despite im handsome) ok good for them. but they had no right to bully, insult and poison me with the first chance they got... .

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    • So how do you explain all of the adult men who are in relationships? Why didn't women destroy them?

    • and fuck this rude and arrogant excuse chicks use. i was kind and still got nothing. ESPECIALLY if you are kind you get nothing. and how do you explain girls at these ages date 80% of the time jerks that use them and dump them? cause THEY ARE ATTRACTED by certain characteristics of these jerks. plus i dont regret much i've never been with a woman, waste of money, time and lifeforce. i wouldn't be able to concentrate to my research with the same intensity... .

    • i dont give a crap what happened to those. i m talking about my own experience. and i've crossed roads with some of the worst women.

What Girls Said 4

  • There's very little accountability nowadays. If you are rude, narrow-minded and arrogant, people won't like you. There has to be something he's doing wrong if he can't find anyone (despite being exposed to many different types of people). Environment plays a role, but it's not the only thing that affects whether or not you find someone. If you are constantly rejected, it's probably you. There's no magic solution - just introspection.

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    • BINGO! I couldn't have said it better myself. My parents make me mad too because they can't SEE it.

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    • i dont get your comment sorry.

    • im talking to the asker basically. i guess thats how the misunderstading happened.

  • Even when a guy is overweight, doesn't dress well, has poor social skills, rarely approaches girls/doesn't know how to, etc etc he'll still find a way to blame the entire world before he considers the possibility he's unlike-able in his current state.

    One white guy on here says he's single because all white women only date black men, which is statistically impossible. So there he is bashing white women for what he perceives as an exclusive interest in black men yet he himself will only consider dating white women.

    Far too many guys on this site have hypocritical mindsets like that and have such a ridiculously high ego that they won't consider that they're unwanted for a reason that doesn't reflect badly on women.

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    • Right and it mainly boils down to personality and the way you treat a girl. And the only white girls I know who date black guys are the trashy/ghetto ones. That guy is stupid, since most white girls date white guys anyway. I agree, the guys on this site (and real life) act childish and stupid.

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    • @fiodor99 that's wildly irrelevant.

    • its not. and its sad you find it irrelevant. i guess thats why you can jump so easily in the judgy, harsh side. do whatever your conciousness tells you is best. but try not to judge or hate people. you have no right to judge someone if you haven't tried to love/support them in a way first. keep that phrase in mind... .

  • because they are mad that women dont like them.

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  • I assume for the same reason feminist blame all their problems on men.

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