Should I keep going or end it?

I started seein this guy in January. Everything was perfect. Until March he found out this girl was having his baby. He told me right away. This girl does not live in the United states. It's an ex girlfriend he had before he moved here. He went to visit and was with her in November. Before he even met me. Now I don't know what to do. I kept seeing him until about 2-3 weeks ago that I started freaking out since the due date is in 2 months. I Have really strings feelings for him and I am willing to go through with this if me and him were official. I broke up with him and told him I couldn't handle it. He said he didn't want to hurt me because he doesn't know how he will react when he sees the baby. He is going there for the labor. He said he wishes things would have been different and that he wanted to be with me. But at this time he couldn't promise me anything. I asked him how he could hurt me he said 1. He might have to marry her and bring them both here so he can give his kid a better future or 2. Go live there. I kept my distance for about 2 weeks until he reached out and said he wanted to give me something for my bday (may 25) I said ok so he came over. Have me a necklace and the shoes I wanted. We ended up making out almost having sex until I stopped him. He said he missed me. Now we are texting each other again and making plans to go out and do all these things... Im really happy with him but I know this does not change anything. Should I bring up the conversation... should I end it until the baby is born? Why would he do all of this if he didn't care. I honestly don't know what to do and think it's not fair.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He sounds like a genuinely good guy who wants to do the right thing, both for you and his child. He definitely likes you. Obviously he can't stay away from you, which is good.

    Problem is you don't know what this other girl wants. Does she want him back? Does she want to use him to come to the States? She's always gonna have a very strong influence on his life since she's the mother of his child.

    But if she's a nice girl, I can see different scenarios in which this could work:

    A) She raises the child in her country, he supports her financially. Probably better than him going back without having a good job... When the child is old enough, it could even come live with him and go to school in the US, because he doesn't have to marry the mother to get a visa for his child.

    B) He raises the kid in the US. This would be hard for the mother, but if she wants what's best for her child, it may be an option,

    C) He marries her and takes them both to the US. This would be hard on you, but you could still be together. After some years, she'd be eligible for citizenship herself, so they could get divorced and he could marry you. I know of plenty of people who got a fake marriage to get a visa, and kept relationships with someone else. Just saying...

    I guess it all depends on how reasonable and nice this girl is, and how much he loves you.

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    • She wants to be with him from what I know. She's been wanting to get married to him for years. I just don't know what his feelings are for her and hats what scares me... that maybe all those feelings will come back when he goes for the labor. The bond they will have.

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    • On a different note, are you sure you can trust him? I mean are you sure he is not already married to her in his home country? Not meaning to be a pessimist, but a former friend of mine did that. Came to the US, married in her home country, but dated around like crazy here... Would always go back to her hubby during school breaks though.

    • I am not sure. On her Instagram she says they are married but he and that they have been together for 9 years ever since he was 20 and she was 16. He was married here for two years and got a divorced and showed me the papers. I'm confused. I talked to him and he said what other option does he have. I feel like I have so much to ask him but at that moment it's so hard.

What Guys Said 3

  • From what I've gathered, you both do indeed care about each other. He is simply afraid of this unexpected baby. If you love him to the point you want to be very serious with him (maybe engagement whatever), I would express soon that you truly love him. I have a feeling he will respond with a "wait until after the baby." But, even so, it is important that he at least knows how you feel. What you don't want is that he sees the baby, has a change of heart, and goes over with his ex because he thinks you don't care about him.
    He sounds like a genuinely nice guy who made a mistake and is going through a very stressful time of confusion, fear, and uncertainty. I would let him know that you are there for him at the very least. His decision may not be the one you necessarily want, but that doesn't mean you can't show him how you feel.

    Don't be timid now and regret this decision for the rest of your life. Even if he does reject you, you owe it to yourself to give it your all.

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  • oh well... now he has a baby, so u cannot chase him i guess... no?

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  • Try to talk it out and see what happens

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think that he really likes you, or else he wouldn't want to let you know about the situation. I think you should wait a bit to see how everything turns out.
    On top of that, waiting can also let you calm down and see what you really want out of this relationship...
    If I were you, and I really REALLY liked that guy, I would definitely still be dating him, I just wouldn't be so sure on whether or not I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Yet again, if I love him enough, I would absolutely be willing to do so.

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  • keep going little bunny keep goin'

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  • keep going!

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