Is this guy trying to play it cool and/or make me jealous, or is he just not interested anymore (all opinions appreciated, but GUYS ESPECIALLY)?

So me and this guy met on Tinder at the beginning of February and went on our first date the beginning of March. Unfortunately we both have busy schedules, plus he lives about an hour and a half outside of my city, so we've only been seeing each other every week or two since then. Every time we have seen each other though, it's been great. It's also worth pointing out that we are having sex when we do see each other.
Last time I saw this guy it was after 2 weeks with no texts from him, although I did get some snaps. I got tired of waiting and initiated the conversation, and then he asked to see me almost immediatley. On this date we went out for a nice dinner and he was affectionate, holding my hands from across the table, etc. I mentioned jokingly that he hadn't texted me for 2 weeks, to which he responded that I hadn't texted him or replied to any of his snaps, which was fair enough. Then the topic of Tinder came up and we wanted to check something. He told me that he hadn't been on there for a while, but he noticed that I was still quite active on Tinder. He asked how many guys I had going on there and I told him not many, which was true because I quite liked him. Things were normal and he spent the night at my place, but when he left in the morning through my patio door, he said something along the lines of "this is a conventient way for all your boys to leave".
So basically since then, he's been kind of aloof. He did talk to me regularly for about 4 days after this last date, but since then I haven't been getting much from him. But also since then he's become super active on Tinder and has been posting a ton of moments. I did initiate a conversaiton the other day and he's quick to respond and is his usual self. But it is bothering me how active he has been on Tinder.
What's the deal here? Is he just not interested anymore or is he going on Tinder because I've been?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think he has been doing it more recently becaus she found that you were still somewhat active on it. He may either be trying to make you jealous or for other reasons as well

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    • @Claireee94 there is never a perfect time for "talks" except when you are alone. For me personally the only time I believe a guy gets scared of the talk is when a girl says with a dead serious look on her face and in a serious tone says only four words "we need to talk". That is awesome that you are chill and not really looking for a relationship, but you need to tell him this and that his activity on Tinder is bothering you, however I feel that if you ask him to not be on tinder as much, that you should do the same as it is only fair. After all he is only becoming more active after he found out you have still been active on Tinder

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    • No problem, glad to help! I will keep my fingers crossed for you as well :D

    • Thank you for MHO 😁

What Guys Said 2

  • if he's very active... then i guess he's searchin 4 a hook-up... no?

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    • My confusion just comes from the fact that he stopped using Tinder for a while, but then started up again hardcore after he saw that I was still pretty active on there.

  • He thought doing it with somebody else would be like cheating on your sex buddy lol

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    • Lol as in he thought that I was sorta cheating on him? Him and I never had any talk about exclusivity, but I don't think I'd consider us just sex buddies. I've met some of his friends and his mother, plus we do go out on actual dates.

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    • I feel you should bring it up. Talk about dating, whether or not you guys are exclusive, and if your are exclusive then you guys should both stop using Tinder

    • @SunDevil11 I'm going to be honest here and say that I suck at dating. I don't really know when the right time to have "talks" is. I always thought that kind of stuff is what makes guys have internal freak outs, so I usually don't bring it up because I don't want to scare a guy that I like off. I'm actually a pretty chill girl, I'm not hunting for a relationship, but I do like clarification.

What Girls Said 2

  • I think you might have damaged his ego. He probably enjoys spending time with you etc but when he heard he wasn't the only one you'd been chatting to, flirting with, whatever, he got a but jealous and is now maybe trying to either protect himself, or doing that weird guy thing where they shut you out. I don't mean this in a horrible way, but when I was reading your question, I did think you were being a bit flaky with him. You're refusing to message him if he doesn't message you (you should both equally initiate conversations ideally), and as a result he's not messaging you; you've got other guys on the go whilst also dating him. I think you need to decide if you like this guy, and then make a go with it, just him. Make it known that you've dropped the other guys, would like to go on another date

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    • Yeah I can definitely see where you're coming from. I didn't mean to be flakey with him, and I would eventually message him after long enough, but I also don't want to be texting him too much. But there is a fine line between coming off as needy and seeming uninterested, which I guess I need to figure out haha. Also I actually don't have other guys that I'm dating, but in all fairness he doesn't know that. I'll often just go on Tinder because I'm bored and, if I'm being honest, to keep my options open (mostly because the last guy I dated was dating a ton of other girls at the same time and I got hurt, so I do try to use at as a means of not getting too attached). I think I'd like to just make a go at it with him, but I'm a little unsure of how to recover from bruising his ego, and I don't know if he'd be interested in taking it further. Honestly I'm terrible at taking things to the next level with guys haha.

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    • So I've been texting him the past few days and he's himself for the most part, but he also seems a bit distant and aloof. I think that's partly why I've been wondering if he's lost interest or not. If that's just the shutting me out part resulting from hurting his ego as you suggested, how do I recover from it? I'm a little lost where it comes to making him realise I like him, without coming on too strong and freaking him out. Plus there is that thought in the back of my mind that maybe this has simply run it's course for him and he's ready for someone fresh and new, which does scare me a little bit because who likes rejection? But at the same time he likes all my pics on Instagram and responds to my texts quickly, so I'm confused lol.

    • It definitely sounds like he likes you. You said he texts back quickly - is it one word texts or do you have proper conversations? If it is his ego, the worst thing you could do is back off because you think he doesn't like you. Just keep texting him first, like some of his pictures. I don't know how tinder works - can he see if you've been active and talking to other guys? If so, stop doing that, and make a point of talking to him only on there or whatever it is you do on tinder! I also think, if you're brave enough, it might be a good idea for you to suggest a date. That way, he knows for sure that you're still interested. He might not feel like he wants to ask you out again, because you're still showing interest in other guys. I understand you're worried about rejection - I've had a lot of things go wrong for me that make me want to give up on guys and not put myself out there again. But you have to be brave and go for it, or risk missing out on a chance

  • he's playing it cool.

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