Why do so many American girls/women expect a man to pay the entire bill on a first date?

I am from the Netherlands and as a woman, I prefer going Dutch. I'm a fair individual and expecting a man pay for the first date is unfair. What if the date is succesful in the eyes of the man but the woman decides to keep it at one date. Is it fair for him having to pay for a person he will never see again? Of course not!

Why is it expected of men to pay? Just because they are born with a dick? If you're not able to pay for yourself don't go out on a date where money is necessary. Just go to a park and bring a bottle of wine, some cheese, bread, olives, salade, etc and enjoy each others company.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is partly why most smart guys are making the first few dates more casual. No i'm taking you out to dinner followed by a concert on our first date. Lets get a cup of coffee or a drink. A casual date is (1) less expensive, (2) puts less pressure on the woman which may make her cancel, (3) lets you know she's interested in YOU and not just in what you have planned for the evening

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    • That's how a first date should be. Casual and cheap or even free (gasp!)

    • Hmm I just noticed that should have said ''no I'm NOT taking you to dinner followed by a concert on our first date.

What Guys Said 9

  • Number one because a lot of women enjoy leading men on saying they want a relationship when they just want a free dinner. They make a game out of it see how many times a week they can get free meals.

    Number two, many claim it makes them feel "more feminine" if the guy pays. I personally think that is a crock and they just don't want to pay, but that is just me.

    I have been led on by so many women like this I usually do propose a date such as you suggested, because I'm tired of being led on by women who just want a free meal, and tired of getting rejected after I suggest we go Dutch.

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    • Wow.. why don't you move to The Netherlands and date a few Dutch girls? ;) Mind you, we are very down to earth, very straight forward, very blunt and very opiniated people. But at least you know where you stand.

    • Really? That would be refreshing from the constant mind games, made up rules, and innuendo you get from many girls here :) I hear they are also not such prudes ;) Where in the Netherlands is a good place for an American tourist?

  • You sound awsome! I would love to have some wine and cheese in a park with you. Those are the best dates! Especially with a cute Dutch chick!

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  • Yeah it's a little weird, and a lot of them lose interest if you don't pay. The only two times when the man should pay for her to eat is, if it's her birthday or she doesn't plan on working outside of the home. For the latter, it proves that he can provide for her, and obviously she won't have the money for it. But, of course something needs to be said beforehand so he isn't caught off guard.

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  • huh... not only in america... some gals r stll traditional all around da world

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    • The reason why I specifically target the USA is because I compare it to Western European countries. I have my experience with Eastern Europeans and they have a strong macho culture.

  • I'm such an American I don't know any other way lol. I'll always try to pay.

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    • But do you agree with it and do you agree that men are expected to pay for a first date?

    • Men are expected to pay. I don't know if i agree or disagree, it's just the way it is lol.

  • No idea! But I usually pay for the first date.

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    • Is there a specific reason for that? have been in the situation where a man felt disrespected because I wanted to pay my share. Does that also apply to you or is just because society wants you to? Or is it another reason?

    • I've been raised that way. Even though I am American I was raised in an old fashioned Chinese way. Males usually pay in Chinese culture.

  • That's how we grew up

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  • May be they are too stingy :D

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  • Because in America we have lost of credit cards LOL

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What Girls Said 6

  • I guess it's partly out of a kind of tradition even though most men might not like that haha. It's just bon ton for the man to pay. Moreover women in the US are still not as just as emancipated as women in the Netherlands.
    However I hope that with all this feminism movement and the seemingly never-ending fight for equality one day men and women will take part in paying the bill equally or everybody just pays for what they've had.

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    • But don't you feel that women should break with this tradition if they want to be taken seriously in their fight for equality?

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    • About the inviting: I think that only applies with friends. If a friend invites me for a dinner than I expect my friend to pay. But in general men ask women out and not the other way around. If an equal amount of women ask men out on a date only than we can say "okay the one who invites the other person on a date should pay." But that's not the case. men usually ask women out.

    • But then again I think that like with the willingness of women to pay for the bill with increasing emancipation the number of women asking men out will go up as well.. And to me an invitation is an invitation - a date doesn't automatically have to be an invitation but if it is, then the one who invited should pay in my opinion..

  • I think because it's a tradition and people here expect tradition. More women are starting to pay for dates, but there are also a fair number of men who are uncomfortable with the woman paying, and I think that goes back to the idea that men feel like they need to be providers. There's still a habit of men paying in Europe too but yeah, it seems that women paying is becoming way more acceptable there.

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    • I always compare the USA with North Western European countries and not Eastern Europe . Eastern European countries still have a strong macho culture. And yes, the men (the ones I've dated from Eastern Europe) feel disrespected when you do want to pay. Next to that USA = old world Europeans and most originate from Great Britain and Germany. Hence the comparison with North Western European countries.

      But don't you feel this tradition of expecting a man to pay for the first date should be broken by women themselves. The more women pay for themselves and consider it normal (which to me it is) men will follow suit and will not feel uncomfortable.

    • Oh trust me, I know Eastern Europeans are much more conservative. I'm Canadian and my parents were raised here but our background is Russian. My husband is Serbian, born and raised over there and although he's been taught otherwise, he's never had a problem with me paying for dates.

      Yes, I think that as more women start to pay for dates, it will be way more acceptable and less people are going to expect the man to pay. It may take years for that to happen though, as many people still believe and practice longstanding traditions such as the man paying. Personally, I only care that the bill gets paid - I don't care who pays for it.

  • I always pay for myself on dates and always have but most men are surprised and even try to refuse to let me. I just feel less pressure when I pay because a lot of guys expect things from you when you let them pay and I don't want to deal with that lol

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  • I'm more than capable of paying for myself on the first date, but if a guy asks me out he's going to pay for the whole date. Especially if I've declined his offer multiple times and finally say yes so he can stop bugging me.

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    • But that's very unfair. No man is waiting for a pity date.

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    • Girls like you agreeing to go on "pity" dates are part of the reason that men continue to ask multiple times in the first place because girls give in.

    • If they would understand that no means NO then we wouldn't have to 'give' in so they can stop harassing us!

  • Only some do.

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  • it's just old fashioned.

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