Friends for 2.5 years, admitted attraction last summer, started dating 2 mos ago. Suddenly wants to take a step back? He's 36, never been married?

We've been friends for 2.5 years. Admitted we had an attraction last summer when he had gotten back from Afghanistan. He also lost about 70lbs. I've always liked him, even when he was heavier. When we finally admitted our attraction, I was in was in the middle of a break up. Started dating 2 mos ago. He hasn't had a girlfriend or sex for over 2yrs before me. He's said he's the guy who is friends with all the girls but no one wants to be his girlfriend until me. He joked he has a face for radio, lol. I'm crazy about him. He's awesome. I've met his parents and family. They are all excited about us. Went to NYC for Memorial Day weekend. Had a blast! Now he's become withdrawn and said we need to slow down and he's cursed w/ women. Says he's still into me but doesn't know if he's scared or what. He wants to keep dating and he does like me but he's messed up and isn't ready to call me his girlfriend. He also said I'd have to fight to keep him out of my life but he needs a break. What should I do or say? I'll be heartbroken if this falls apart. I don't want to pressure him or be that crazy woman. Help!!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's sad that he is only friends with girls just to get with them like other guys... can't they just not fake their friendship and actually just BE friends with a girl? I hate to tell you but it definitely doesn't sound good... 99% of the time when guys say "i need a break" or "i need space" they mean "i want a relationship but not with you", if he does this to all his "female friends" i think it's his own fault because he sends mixed signals, comes on hot and heavy then goes distant... you don't do that... i can see why your confused, id honestly be hesistant to trust a guy who does that because it then makes me doubt if he actually likes me. Id honestly back away and make him chase you now because he seems to want you to keep chasing him, turn the tables on him and make him feel what it's like to keep worrying if you like him or not, if he doesn't bite and just goes completely withdraw it's obvious he never really liked you, if he doesn't then you can see what his problem is with ruining all his "friendships" with girls then wasting their time...

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    • It's not that. He claims he was "the pimp that never got any" in high school. He is a very conservative, religious guy. He calls people ma'am and sir when he meets them. He hates it when people don't like him. He said most girls think he's nice and that's it. He's a sweet man. I'm wondering if he has low self esteem? He wears glasses and has always been "the nice guy". Any thoughts?

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    • I extremely agree with you. Whenever guys say "I need a break" or "let's slow things down" that means he wants a relationship but not with you. It is always true. I am serious.

    • yeh every time i was ignored straight away the minuite they decided i'm not the right girl lol but they didn't even scratch the surface on getting to know me properly, it's very rude, but i've learned that if a guy says that to act cool and go "okie", make a face that lets him understand i understood what he said then right after i go silent lol i don't try to text him or anything to make him wonder why i gone silent and make him think that i've moved on already, guys usually don't know what they want in a girl so you have to define it for him.

What Guys Said 2

  • Your right not to want to push him right now. I think it's cool that your chance finally came along like it has , it sounds like it has been long over due. In all honesty just agree to slowing down. That will give you both time to grow together and he will know from your willingness to let thing just flow that his future trust that will grow is well placed. Congrads on finally getting your chance

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    • Thanks dude! He's a very polite typical military guy from a very good family. He just retired from the army after 13 years as a medic. He's kinda dorky, which I find endearing. He's such a gentleman. I find him completely adorable. We went to the 9/11 memorial in NYC and he was very somber and reflective. I do believe him when he said he just needs to take a step back. Hearing this from another guy makes me feel better. No matter what happens, I really do want nothing but happiness for him.

    • From what your post stated it doesn't show that he is looking for an out of any sort , but more like he hasn't been in a LTR in so long he is having a problem allowing himself to believe this could actually be one

  • Get relationship counseling, especially if he saw action in Afghanistan.

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    • He does already go to the VA. He's very candid with me about what he saw overseas. I know he has issues with it. Thanks for the advice!

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