I'm 23 and I just I found out that the girl I've been flirting with is 17. Is this too big an age gap to work?

I'm a college senior and I recently met his girl through a club I'm in at my college. We sparked instantly, and we've been flirting for about a month and a half now. We've both been so busy that we haven't really had a chance to get together more than three times so far. I really, really like her and she's freakin gorgeous, so I can see a real future with her.

The problem is that I just found out that she's only 17. She graduated from HS early and enrolled in college last fall when she had just turned 17. It's not illegal for me to be seeing her in my state, but I feel weird about the age thing anyhow. She seems really mature and is a really serious student, so she doesn't seem like some dopey young girl at all. Does her age make it impossible for us to work out?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a hard call to make, because this depends on the person more than anything.

    If they're mature enough (which she sounds like she is) is the main thing, but then you also have to keep in mind that the gap will have different issues associated with it as you get older. Like there's the drinking limit, which might limit the places or activities you go to or do together. Also if she's just started college and you will be finished soon, you will be working and she will still be studying soon which might make it harder to see each other. And then further down the road if it all works out, there's the question of how she feels about her future with you. I'm sure between the ages of 17 to 23 you dated other people and had those single experiences... Which she might see you as or regret missing out on... so if you get where i'm going, it may not end well in the long term. These are all what if's and stuff, because like i said it comes down to the person.
    I think that it's not so much the age gap itself that will provide obstacles, it's that age gap at this time of your lives. I feel like in your 20's you grow and circumstances change rapidly so it's a bit different then other periods of your life.

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What Girls Said 14

  • I wouldn't even worry about it. Honestly, if she seems more mature and it is okay in your state to date someone under the age of 18 then go for it.

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  • IF you are correct about the illegality then no, not a problem. It is only 6 years and as one ages 6 years is no big deal. This is especially true if what you say about her increased maturity level and early college experience that makes her closer to your age. It isn't about matching numbers, it is about matching life experiences because it gives you common ground to bond over.
    I am almost 27 but I spent 7 years in college (grad school) and am only just now getting out into the world so I find that 24 year olds who are also just getting out of school and starting their careers makes better peers and partners for me because we are in the same stage of life. This is especially in comparison to those that are numerically my age who are at the stage of being married and having their first or second child. To me that stage is a good 5-10 years away and not at my numerical age. I never like younger people before, but now I belong.

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    • The age of consent in my state is 16. TRUST ME, I looked that stuff up immediately when I found out her age.

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    • That is not what I'm talking about at all. I just found it funny that you stated "a site that explains the statute" and not simply "the statute."
      And I'm just going to go ahead and argue your other point: How am I supposed to know the law in your state when I do not practice in your state and more importantly when I don't know what state you are in? (that information was revealed with the link you sent)
      by the way I'm changing my answer, this girl sounds too good for you.

    • Wow, you're offended by the concept that something might need to be explained to you... what a joy you must be. Hate to tell you, but you're not above explanation, especially regarding topics about which you're not informed. Fucking lawyers...

  • Honestly, you two sound like a great match and that you both like eachother a lot so I would totally say ignore the age gap and just go for it! :)

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  • As long as it is not against the law I don't see any problem. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now and when we met I was 16 and he was 22. We never had any problem about the age gap.

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  • I don't thing the age gap is too big, at least from me. I mean, you are only 6 years older from her. There are people who date/marry girls that are even 10 years younger from them. If it's not a problem for her, then sure it musn't be a problem for you, too.

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  • Currently, yes. When she's of legal age, it won't be as weird.

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    • She's of legal age, and I wrote that in the description. The age of consent in my state is 16.

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    • And I told you what I thought of your situation but you decided to ignore that. Cheers, you thoroughly unpleasant human.

    • Pot calling the kettle black. Stick to the topic at hand next time rather than inserting your own trivial opinion about how you disagree with the laws of a given state. No one asked, and no one cares.

  • If this girl is as perfect as you make her sound, why would you let something as small as different ages get in the way of things? Go for it! Also, on a side note, my parents have a 7 year age gap and are happily married!

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    • I'm not letting it get in the way because I haven't broken off contact with her. We still talk and next nearly every day. And yes, she is amazing, and I so, so want to be with her. It's just that I was a little stunned by her age. TBH, she doesn't look like a teen at all. I thought she was an upperclassman aft first from the way she comports herself. Thanks so much for the encouragement, it's kind of what I need.

  • Not impossible at all... but remember she's not legal... but if you really like eachother then you should work out

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    • I've written this about 5 times here so far, but she IS of the age of consent in my state, which is 16. Nothing "illegal" about her.

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    • No, that's not the point. I was never worried about her being of legal age. My question and concern is regarding our age difference and her youth. She's over 2 years from even turning 20. Even though she seems mature, I just wonder if this kind of relationship really has a chance to work out.

    • That's why I said you have nothing to worry about... if it's supposed to be it'll work itself out

  • Absolutely not. It is just 6 years difference. It's not like you are 20 years older than her. My boyfriend is 10 years older than me.

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    • Yes, but how old were you when y'all met? My only concern is that our age difference might be too much given her young age. That said, she seems very mature. She speaks like an adult and holds her own with people who are much more experienced than her in life. I guess a part of me just feels creeped out by it, like maybe I'm doing something wrong by being with her?

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    • I disagree, maturity level is a major consideration when you're talking about dating someone who's 17.

    • True maturity level is a major consideration. But she is not 13-16. She is 17 with an amateur personality. Some 17 yr-old girls nowadays or even in arranged marriage or dating people at your age. I just don't see any wrong about or big deal out of it. It is just a law in your state. Sometimes you have to bend the law a little bit. If you like her that enough to see a future with her then discuss her to see if she is interested in you the same way you have for her. If she does then ask her to see if she and or you be able to wait that certain age to be legally dating.

  • it is fine.. dont worry..

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  • No I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23

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  • Age is just a number love is love

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  • Way too big. You're on different pages in life

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  • not too big.

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