I'll be 18 in a couple of months (before I am judged!) and think I'm in love with a guy.. who has HIV. Can someone give me advice please?

We've been speaking for sometime now and his last girlfriend is a crazy b*tch, she didn't realise she had it till it was too late and now this amazing guy who seems perfect in my eyes has this horrible illness. We've only kissed and blabla but I wanna know if I'm taking too much of a big risk?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In terms of HIV transmission, it is relatively safe for you to return the fellatio favor if he wears a condom. The risk of him transmitting the virus to you would be quite low in this case. If you have scrapes or cuts (even tiny ones) on your gums or in your mouth, but he still wears a condom, the risk for transmission only goes up slightly. Scrapes or cuts provide an entry point for the virus to enter the bloodstream, but a condom provides a reliable barrier. Returning the oral sex favor without condoms is more risky, since precum and semen can pass the virus through mucus membranes in the mouth and throat. One thing to consider is that other STIs (such as herpes or gonorrhea) are transmitted more easily via oral sex. However, there is zero risk of you contracting HIV from him giving you oral sex, unless his gums or mouth are bleeding. While HIV is present in saliva, its trace amounts and not enough to transmit the virus to you (this is also why kissing is safe, assuming no mouth bleeding). So, what activities are safe and what is to be avoided? Here’s the rundown:

    Safer activities include:

    Manual sex (masturbation). This can be done without condoms, as long as your hands are free of any cuts, even tiny ones. To be certain, wash your hands in lemon juice. Any sting from the juice indicates a cut. If this happens, have him wear a condom or wear latex gloves. And use lots of lube!
    Oral sex with condoms or dental dams.
    Anal or vaginal sex with condoms. Use lots of lube and never "double bag" (use two condoms at once).
    Rimming (oral sex via the anus) with dental dams.
    Using toys (don’t share them — the virus can survive on surfaces, but only for a short period of time).
    BDSM activities that don’t involve blood.
    Kissing, watching porn together, and rubbing each other through clothes are also safe activities.
    To maintain your HIV negative status, avoid:

    As you noted, anal or vaginal sex without condoms and lots of lube.
    Oral sex or rimming without condoms, unless you are certain you have no cuts or scrapes in your mouth or on your lips.
    Mutual masturbation without a barrier, if you have any cuts or scrapes on your hands.
    Sharing toys.
    BDSM activities such as blood sports, piercings, or anything that involves bleeding.
    Whatever activities you both fancy, know that there are many ways to maintain a happy, healthy, and active sex life when one of you is HIV positive and the other is not. Communication is the key: It’s great that your boyfriend has been honest in disclosing his status. Both of you should continue to communicate regularly about your safer sex practices. Remember that being very tired, very horny, or using drugs or alcohol, can impair one’s judgement, making it more likely to stray from safer sex practices. Make protection part of your routine together so it becomes habit.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Now check with doctor cause i hear that
    as long as someone with HIV is on medication
    and the disease lays dormant and does not show
    up in ones blood stream that you can have a sex
    life with that person and even have children too
    but don't quote me, cause I'm no doctor your best
    to get advice from a professional they know more.

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  • HIV is treatable. It shouldn't keep smart, intelligent human beings from forming bonds and relationships with others. There are preventive measures that can be installed and by gosh fucking do them if you proceed with this guy. Its your life we are talking about and he won't be ashamed of it. He's living with it!!

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  • does he use protection during sex?

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    • We haven't had sex yet, I'm a bit worried tbh

  • There are billions of guys in the world. Date someone else.

    And, yes, condoms fail far too often.

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  • If I were you, I'd break it off immediately.

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  • avoid him like the plague that he is. dont ruin your life over a stupid emotion!!!

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  • You get infected if by their blood, kissing should be safe

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  • Well just remember that hiv usually eventually turns in to aids and aids is usually lethal

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    • Doctors said it won't affect his body, just needs to take his meds

    • It's AIDS, they can't predict the future

What Girls Said 5

  • use protection. make sure he takes his meds regularly to have the best quality of life. you should be ok. jus be super careful.

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  • i will not say that leave him.. but dont have sex.. or any other activity till you are sure that he is serious for you.. and do talk to his doctor.. about safety and do's and dont's... and if he really is a great guy like you are telling then dont leave him just because of an illness.. otherwise you'll feel guilty and regret your choice.. just make sure you and him are doing everything to b on the safe side.. best of luck.. :)

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  • Something like that does make you second guess a lot but for me honestly I would hold off on sexual activity unless you use protection or are sure that he wants a serious commitment. If his feelings for you are true he will understand. If not give him the boot.

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  • you have two choices 1) to get a grip of yourself and leave him (if he loves you and is not selfish he will totally understand) 2) give no shit about his illness and have sex with him then eventually die together side by side (this seems rude but im being honest here) and one question, did you peck him or make out? because...😶

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    • We made out a lot.. Why? :o

    • Show All
    • It can't be transferred even through deep kissing, unless he has cuts/ulcers in his mouth..

    • and how can you be sure if he didn't have any of those during the make out?

  • dont do it!

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