Guys, what is the real reason (s) you wouldn't date your friends' ex? Even if they have moved on?

So basically my guy friend I've known for a long time, who is mutual friends with a couple of guys I've dated over the past few years, told me he wouldn't date me because "he went through that with his ex". My exes have moved on and have new relationships. It's been over 7 years since I've dated them. It just seems like a lame excuse to me, especially comparing it to what he went through with his ex. If you really were interested in someone, would you really care who she dated? And why assume that all girls are alike? Help me understand this.

Updates:
He just messaged this to me: "I consider you a good female friend and I think you're awesome! That's why I told you how I feel. I wouldn't want to screw things up with you".

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12

Most Helpful Guy

  • That my rule. I don't hook up with my friend's exes. I feel it's being disrespectful to my friend no matter how he feels about it... it's how i feel about it. Also, if the ex is interested in me AFTER she's hooked up with my friend, well I find that disrespectful to my friend and me and doesn't do anything for my respect for her. And... why? There's millions of other guys. And I wouldn't be interested because of my rule. You gotta have some principles that you stand firm on. Builds character.

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What Guys Said 11

  • I don't think all women are alike but I'd never date my best friends ex unless I had his blessing and even then I still might not

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  • Usually if guys are even willing to take it to that level they will check with the friend first. If the friend isn't ok with it they're probably not going to bother with it. A lot of times they won't go to that extent in the first place because it's not worth the awkwardness, they've probably heard things from the friend about you they don't want in their life, and the thought of their friend already having banged you probably goes through their mind on a constant basis.

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  • it's a matter of principle. I wouldn't date a good friend's ex-- because of the respect I have for them. that's the same principle that makes it okay for a significant other to talk to your best friends, even if you're dating. any of maybe my 3 or 4 best friends, i'll leave their girls alone!

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  • It's not about her. It's about my friend. That would be a very heartless and disrespectful thing to do to him. My friends and I always made a point never to do that. It will ruin a great friendship.

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    • Bro code. I get it. Lol.

    • Well, I guess. I never heard that term before.

    • Yeah somebody mentioned that on here. Lol.

  • When dating the ex of a friend you have realize that when you and said ex broke it off that the ex probably confided in said friend. That's what friends do for each other. Now said friend may have gave advice to ex about the failed relationship. So they kinda have an false insight of what it would be like dating you. Not that it would be the same but the friend may not want to break the trust of said ex. Now I wouldn't just out of pure respect for my friends.

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  • I don't want to have sex (implied if dating) with what my friend has had sex with. Everytime we hang out guys say shit like "how's my sloppy seconds?" "She do that thing I taught her?" Just a lot of shit talking guys avoid. Plus it's bro code

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    • Lol. Yeah the bro code.

  • causes to many problems between friends.

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    • Maybe so if that ex hasn't gotten over me... even after 7 plus years? They have girlfriends now. Why would they still give a shit?

  • Us guys have a bro code it is a long list but the main part of it is not to date your friends ex

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  • If he's a good guy, he won't date a friends ex.

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  • Personally I don't want to deal with all the extra bull that comes around when the girl i'm dating has had things with my friends. 9 times outta 10 somebody in that group isn't completely over everything. There's 7 billion people in the world many of which are a lot easier to date then friends ex. That and If you and my friend didn't work I doubt you and me would work it's just a waste of time.

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  • He's told me stuff about her that I don't like.

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