I (25/f) suffer from social anxiety/shyness, and low self-esteem. I’ve never dated and I’m bad at communicating/understanding signs of attraction. Jess (23/F) is lesbian, outgoing, friendly and tomboyish. We met last year when she visited my store and became good acquaintances. 5 months ago she and her longtime girlfriend split up after her girlfriend cheated on her and broke her heart. Jess was depressed, and although she seems happier now she's still getting over it.
Last Friday she invited my sister and I to her fav club. Throughout the night she'd come over and check on us. Each time she'd ask how I was she’d touch my mid-back, slide a hand up/down my waist, even touch my butt. Randomly one of Jess' friends asked Jess if I was pretty. To my surprise Jess said "Yeah, she's beautiful."
Once home I texted Jess. She randomly msged me: “Do you like girls? Boys? Both?" Me: "Both.” Jess: "Ooo do you have a boyfriend or gf? :) I'm sick of being single."
I was flustered because I've never had a female ask me out before, but also caught off guard by her boldness and sudden interest which felt *very* random, and unfortunately a little disingenuous. It felt like she might be settling. Ex. she could've said "Do you have a boyfriend or gf? Because I really like you." That's why I'm skeptical of whether she actually likes me. And we’ve only hung out once. To save her from a potentially meaningless relationship and myself the heartache, I put aside my feelings and said: you're a catch but you should focus on yourself and hobbies before jumping back into a relationship.
She agreed, saying she gets too carried away with women, and started talking about her pets.
We texted up until last Wednesday (making plans for an outing) and she popped by my store randomly the next day (which was hella awkward omg) but she hasn't responded to my latest text in 5 days. I don't know where we stand now, nor if I did the right thing.
Most Helpful Guy
How can know whether she likes you or not unless you spend some date quality time together? Nothing in life is a sure thing and you won't make much progress since outcomes are seldom if ever knowable at the beginning.
Maybe she's been crushing on you for a while. Doesn't hurt to explore.
One other thing. How awkward was her random visit to your store? She is sure to have picked up on it and is now thinking that you have been sadistically stringing her along from the start.
We all have a little voice in our ear telling us 'It's all about YOU, loser.' It is usually not.
Never mind texting. Pick up the phone and talk.1
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