Been with my fiancé for 6 years and he is now all the sudden saying he loves me but isn't in love with me?

We have had a lot of issues in the past. He cheated at the very beginning of the relationship, we worked past it. He had left me for someone else, also in the very beginning, we worked past it. We argue like normal couples. He has used some stuff against me that no one should ever use against anyone. Really took a toll on my feelings on him but my love for him has never gone away. We ended up splitting up for 3 months and both got together with other people, just to find that it wasn't what either one of us wanted and we got back together. We have been together for a year since that point now. He purposed to me and I said yes. When he purposed (10 months ago) he told me "I dont want to spend the rest of my life beside anyone else but you. You complete me. I know I have made multiple mistakes but I am hoping you can find it within you to forgive me and make the happiest man alive." It was a very sweet purposal. Well, last night we had a few drinks and we were up talking on the couch. All the sudden he piped up with "Remember how we were in the beginning? How magical and exciting everything was? Do you think we will ever be in love like we were back then?" So I said, "I am still in love with you like I was back then. Its just that we have grown up and life has gotten less exciting. We dont do anything." And he said "Yeah, I know. But I kiind of feel like even if we did do everything we used to, we still wouldn't have that love again. I was so in love with you." So I asked him if he wasn't in love with me anymore? And he said "I love you. I love you with every single ounce of my being. But I haven't been in love with you for a very long time." I didn't even know what to say. I waited till he fell asleep and hid with a bottle in the bathroom, crying my heart out. How can you purpose to someone that you aren't in love with? I normally dont post of my relationship bullshit on her but this has really gotten to me. Please, help me figure this out. I'm sort of desperate, ha.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ouch I had one of my exes fed me the same line :( they are trying to break up with you without making you upset. If your guy is like my ex, then he wants to sleep around, and my ex had actually strted, before she broke up with me :(

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    • Oh jeez :( Im sorry you went through that. I don't know. I mean, I asked him where he wanted to go from here and he said he wanted us to go do some stuff and bring the excitement back so that he could possibly fall back in love with me. But I don't even know if it is possible to fall back in love with someone once you have already fallen out of love. :/

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    • Activities. Our sex life is amazing.

    • Ok, well it is worth a try, but do them for fun. Because you WANT to. If you putpreassure like omg our relationship is on the libe it won't work.

What Guys Said 3

  • Sounds like he is not in love or he is confused. Lots of guys get the seven year itch where they get a little bored. It passes

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  • Lol you should have broke up with him after he cheated the firs time. Lol at staying with someone who cheated and "working through it." You know what he was thinking? "Yes I can get away with it again." Which he probably did, multiple times.

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    • I know he didn't cheat after that point. We have been living together since that point. I would have caught it. But thank you for your cold hearted comment.

  • is there a controlling factor? I know you mentioned the cheating thing. my ex fiancee contolled the piss out of me and I hated it. Tried working it out but I just fell out of love with her with the bull

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    • I haven't cheated or anything. I haven't even had any guys that he doesn't like on my phone or social media. I mean, we both work a lot? We don't control each other either. He can do as he pleases and so can I. We have sort of these invisible boundaries I guess you could say. We don't do anything to disrespect the other persons feelings. When he cheated, we were also young. I mean, I am 24 now and I was 18 when he cheated. So its been a super long time since he cheated. I don't know. I really don't. I mean, recently I have asked him if he wanted to start a family? Maybe that pushed him away? He didn't act weird or anything but he wasn't exactly up for the idea when I told him I wanted children sometime after we got married.

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    • We already have a sex life its just that I don't personally want children until after we were to be married. But now, given that he has said he isn't in love with me anymore, I don't even know if I should go through with the marriage. When I marry I don't want to get divorced. Like divorce is not something I ever want to do. So I don't even know if I should marry him, given the fact that everything I thought we had was a huge fabrication in my mind apparently. He isn't even in love with me. I don't understand why he would even purpose.

    • inbox me...

What Girls Said 3

  • I think he knows that your the best person for him and he selfishly doesn't want to let you go. I suggest that you leave him.

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  • Have you tried counseling? I really think you need it.

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    • I have never needed it and I don't plan to go now.

    • I believe both of you should arrange to go to a couples counseling because you have problems in your relationship which need to be resolved.

  • If someone falls out of love, there's unfortunately nothing you can do about that. Love can't be forced

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