Why are some guys uncomfortable with a woman asking them out on a date, or initiating any kind of relationship?

This is something I've seen a few times on here in the last couple of weeks. I'm hoping those people can weigh in on the topic here, and of course everyone else can answer. Is it because they think she is desperate? Do they think it's just inappropriate and not a woman's job to approach the man?

I see many more posts from guys who are perfectly fine with womem making the first move and asking them out, but those comments are always dotted with ones from guys saying they'd freak out or she must be desperate if she has to ask the guy out.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Every guy is different and thinks differently, just like girls are. Some wouldn't mind that the girl approach them and would even love that but some others would.

    Now some of the reasons why some guys feel uncomfortable when a girl asks them out:
    1. Some guys would feel less manly since the girl was the one to come up to him.
    2. Some guys will be intimidated because the girl coming on to him and asking him his number requires A LOT of courage and confidence, so many guys will feel way too intimidated.

    3. Some others will think other things like; she might be a hoe, or she might be desperate. Or she probably did this with many other guys... etc

    4. they may not be attracted to her.

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What Guys Said 22

  • With all the bitching I hear about how guys are always "expected" to do this or that in the dating game, I find it hard to believe that they would take issue with woman approaching them. That's what I call "my lucky day."😂 I've messed with quite a few girls who "made the move", and I can't remember anything really negative coming from it. One chick was a little crazy, but I don't think that's necessarily correlated. In my mind, who cares who asks what, as long as we do the damn thing😜

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  • So what if desperate. What's wrong with that? As for the guys I guess they live in another time

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  • Well for me I find its generally women I'm not attracted to ask me out, so I'd rather ask the girls I want since I dislike rejecting people.

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  • I personally don't know any man who is or ever has been uncomfortable with a woman asking him out on a date. In fact, quite the opposite. Most men would find it a refreshing change of pace. However, rumor has it they exist.

    In some cases it might be because he feels less in control. In other cases it might be because he doesn't find her attractive and is trying to come up with some excuse.

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  • those some guys are just super traditional with stubborn mixed somewhere in between.

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  • If anything, I'd think the guy would be more shocked instead of freaked out. It's not every day a women breaks the 'social code' of planning the dates. If a man is truly turned off or freaked out he is probably a person who thinks males are the dominant species and should arrange everything.

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  • Wth! ? I didn't notice this phenomenon! All girls are welcome to ask this thirsty little man on a date anytime.

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  • Because those males believe it makes them less masculine (whatever the hell that even means), and luckily prefer to weed their sexist bums out by being prickly over nonsense.

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  • I'm notttt!!!

    I love it when girls ask me out. It's so rare, but that's how I got my last two girlfriends.

    I guess I'm kind of a bitch when it comes to asking girls out.

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    • First girlfriend literally said at a party one time "So when are you going to ask me out?" and I basically just had to say "I guess right now. How's Thursday?"

      And what a beautiful love affair it was. 3+ years of learning.

      *sits by the window, dreaming of simpler times*

    • Show All
    • 😂😂😂

    • @linkywinky
      OH MY GAWSH I JUST RIPPED IT UP!

      THE UNION OF FLESH IS ONNNNN!

  • For me I'd be uncomfortable with it because I feel like she sees something in me I presently don't see in myself and that I have to measure up to some expectation.

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  • pretty sure it wouldn't bother me, I might be nervous or anxious as I am usually shy around new people... especially if there are other people around that might hear our conversation. plus it depends how she opens up the conversation, because most people don't just go up and say "hi, I am Christina, and was wondering if you wanted to go out?" there has to be some real indication that she is trying to get me to converse. >> such as get out of the spotlight of the bar area and find a table for two, or get out of the crowd type of thing, because I don't want to be around a lot of people when getting to know someone.

    I believe that people and society in general think that it is 'a guys responsibility' to do all of the picking up and relationship starting... now tell me how many girls and women have missed out on a guy because they didn't speak to him?

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  • It would be a dream come true for me, especially if I was attracted to her

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  • I have never come across one. maybe they are just shy. most men, like myself, wish women would start being more aggressive. I would LOVE to be chased by a woman they way you ladies expect men to chase you.

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    • I've never expected to be chased by men. Can't exactly expect that when you're a 6'1" woman, lol. I learned that in high school when they all made fun of me for being as tall as they were.

      So maybe some guys (notice I said some in the question) are affronted by the girl making the first move because it's not what people generally expect. Some if them seem to let it affect their masculinity though and they're offended by it.

  • plenty of previous rejections

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  • I still believe in the gentleman officially asking her out on a date. She can suggest that they go out on a date. But I have no problem with them telling me how they feel or that they want me to kiss them.

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  • It could be cultural or religious conditioning or it could be insecure guys who are scared to date a women who goes after what she wants.

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  • Because literally any time a girl approached me in middle school/high school, it was a prank.

    For me anyway. Its not self hating, its the fact that every experience I've had with a woman approaching me like that was done with mail intent to my spirit.

    So I'm just damn paranoid and think its a prank and that she was dared to by her friends.

    Of course, this hasn't happened in a while lol

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  • It just makes me cautious. I feel she would have gotten around before she has the balls to do that and I dont want to be with a womens whis been around. I would entertain her on a date or so to see whats up but the guard would be high.

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  • Im not, i dont like girls doing that though cause 9 out of 10 times its an unnattractive girl who does that. Pretty much have to say yes cause who would say no.

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  • Uncomfortable? That guy isn't me.

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  • It's what we're taught... That the man does the approaching

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  • May be they are narrow minded, why it is man job. Love have to be come from both the side.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Guys usually like it when girls initiate sex, but not dating. They don't resent her initiating sex but ironically feel uncomfortable if she initiates dating. Guys have anxiety about being controlled in relationships, but not in bed.

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  • I like initiating things aha I've done that couple of times :)

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