My boyfriend is afraid of everyone?

My boyfriend is an international student from an Asian country. He came to te US for about 2 years ago. He often encounters dumb racist people. They said rude things to him but he never stand up for himself. For example one time this rude starbuck's cashier gave him a hot coffee when he ordered a cold one, then rolled her eyes on him when he said she gave him the wrong one. Then she said "You know, just drink the damn coffee, the weather is cold you don't need a cold drink" then he said "Ohh okay" and took the hot drink. I told him next time don't do that, just tell her to go make the coffee again it's her fault she made the wrong one. Then he told me "No it's alright I don't want to be rude. Maybe she's right it's just coffee..." This is just ONE in a million example. He's scared of everyone and won't speak up for himself. What can I do now? I don't want to see people stepping all over him.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ask him why he doesn't first, there can be so many reasons he doesn't

    • He said it's rude to talk back. Maybe it's the starbuck's policy to order at your own risk. Maybe we can just forgive them cuz we'll never see them again. Maybe his English is not good. Blah blah tons of unnecessary reasons...

    • That's a culture thing I'm afraid, I'm also Asian, this don't talk back thing is something a lot of Asian children grew up with


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What Guys Said 2

  • You may have to step in stand up for him initially. Show him how it's done. Let him know he is worthy of respect and you believe he has it within himself to show others he deserves respect.

    • I did once, then he said I'm being a bit rude :/ I'm certainly not rude I just asked for what I paid for but he thinks it's rude of me :/

  • I would be so pissed at the Starbucks bitch, but some people just don't like confrontation especially when they are in a new place where they don't know how people will react

    • I was about to step in already but when he reacted that way I didn't know what to do. I already told him to stay up for himself just because he's in the US (not his home country) doesn't mean people can step all over him but he still does that and never stand up for himself. I'm not always with him I don't want him to be treated like that all the time.

    • maybe after he has been here longer he will feel more comfortable about standing up for himself

What Girls Said 1

  • He doesn't have a backbone. One day he will, when he is forced to stand up for himself. For example what the cashier said to him is unacceptable. That passiveness won't be helpful in a country like America. Id have collected her name and shamed her and Starbuck for the world's lousiest customer experience and encourage people not to go there at all. 😅😎

    • He told him what she said is unacceptable, and that he has every right to tell her to get the cold drink, but he said "I don't want to be rude. Maybe it's their policy I have to get whatever drink they give me? They didn't intentionally make the mistake" I told him no there's no such policy then he said "No it's ok, I like the hot drink too" but I know he never like the hot drink lol :/ He's too shy those racist people step all over him and he still doesn't stand up for himself no matter what I say. He said I'm too rude to the employees they're human too. I explained it's not being rude it's about asking for what you paid for.

    • Soooo passive. It seems he enjoys being treated like shit.