The girl I'm dating has a child! What should I do?

So I've been dating this girl for a few months now. We are the same age (25) and we get along well. She's nice, fun and down to earth. A few days ago I learned to my surprise that she has a kid! A two year old boy. Her and the father broke up not long after his birth. She never mentioned the child to me before and later said to me that she didn't want to because she was scared I would run for the hills. To be honest, she's right.

Since this has come out, I want to end the relationship. Despite the fact I really like her and think she's a great girl, I've always said that dating a girl with a child would be a deal breaker for me. Maybe I'm young and immature, but I just cannot fathom taking care of a child that's not my own. It's just not something I am ready for or willing to deal with. Some of my friends say I should just get over the fact she has a kid, she's a nice girl and think I would be good with her. I agree, but the child has really, really bothered me. I think stringing her along any longer would just be cruel.

I don't know how to end it with her. How can I do it without hurting her feelings? She will be devistated no matter what (she's already told me she loves me and see's a future with me) but I want to try and do it in a civilized manner.

Any advice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You like her but you seem to not want to accept her child. you are just not ready for that. so my advice for you is to break it off.
    you even said ( the child has really, really bothered me).
    just be honest with her and tell her that you can't be with her.
    that its best if you guys just stay as friend. that you still want to be single.

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    • She will be devastated if I tell her the truth but I also feel if I make something up like "I'm just not ready for a relationship" or something like this she will probably know something is up.

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    • a girl that has a child, should always let the guy know she has a kid. but she did wrong... by not telling you that. so just be honest with her and try moving on. its a deal breaker for you... and like i said " she is not the only girl" nor "you are the only boy". both of you guys would find the girl/boy that would be everything you ever wanted...
      good luck on any decision you make
      and take care

    • Thank you :-)

What Girls Said 5

  • Tell her what you just typed

    That it has ways been a dealbreaker for you. You like her but you just can't get past that.
    Honestly, if you really find that a dealbreaker and you stay just because you are afraid to hurt her... then you will be miserable.. and causing her to be the same.

    Better to break it off sooner before her feelings grows stronger. Then , she will be more hurt.

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  • I think your best bet is to just be honest. She should have mentioned the child sooner. Withholding that kind of information isn't fair. That was definitely a wrong move on her part... Not cool.

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  • My boyfriend has a one year old son and him and the mother broke up about a month after bub was born but I have excepted that he has a son because he means a lot to me and even though I am not ready to be a mother myself haven't let that stop me from excepting the fact that my boyfriend has a child.

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  • If you love her then you'll learn to to love the kid too. Try it out first. Try to be around him. You never know how it'll turn out.

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  • I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 24 with a little girl. It's accepted in my culture, but for some they can not deal with that kind of thing in their life yet. Do the right thing and end your relationship before you get in too deep.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Intentional Withholding of Important Information

    That's deceit. I'd stay with her if and only if I was ready for a child, but haven't found a woman, because 2 years old is still a good age

    Break it off. It'll definitely hurt her, but she did deceive you

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  • Look I'm 14, and I have a girlfriend and she's pregnant with someone else child... And ik how it feels but I'm not leaving her cause she's gonna have a child, imma be there helping her and earn money to raise a baby and its hard but it's also enjoyable so tbh don't break up with her... Even tho that kid isn't ur child but it doesn't know what a live from a father feels like man like its sad that a child doesn't even know its father... Try to get along with the baby and have a good time with the mother of the child cause she would see that u r worthy of having a family and u r also helping a child by giving a love and a feel that ur its father and it doesn't matter that if ur its biological father or not... So I say stay with her man think about it

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    • Wow man! I commend you. I think it's great what you are doing for your girlfriend. The thing is I just don't think it's something I can deal with, not now anyway. I don't look at her the same way and I just feel that I'm wasting her time and mine continuing it any further.

  • If you love her for her, you don't need to be worried about her kid cos love is blind let the kid issue be your blind spot, stay with her since you both like each other, there is better things ahead, Behind a successful relationship there is always a story... Since you like her and think is a great girl you can make it happen by letting your determination for successful relationship with her, be greater than your fear of failure.

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  • Whatever you do, don't sacrifice it to the dark Lord Krokadoloth. He is full and couldn't take another bite...

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  • If you like her why not try to keep it going.

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