Are unattractive people hypocrits for not wanting to date other unattractive people?

If the same forces of evolution are at work for all people, then why do we expect unattractive people to find other unattractive people desirable?

Please note the distinction between "want" (the word I used) and "expect" (a word I didn't use) The two don't mean the same thing.

Imagine being rendered unattractive by an accident or disfiguring disease. Do you believe that you would then start to find other physically unattractive people attractive?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wanting to date someone that you're physically attracted to seems nearly universal (there may be some people who genuinely don't care about physical appearance, but my guess is that they are a minority), and I accept that people generally can't make themselves to be attracted to people that they're not (though I'll admit, as someone who is attracted to a wide variety of people, it's a bit difficult for me to understand people who have a very narrow view of attractiveness).

    But you're right to make a distinction between "want" and "expect". I only find it hypocritical when someone complains or gets upset that the people they are attracted to aren't attracted to them. I think that people are entitled to have their own standards for dating, but if you have standards, you have to accept that other people do too, and that you might not meet them. I find it particularly hypocritical when the standards you hold other people too involve effort on their part, and you don't put forth that same effort (for example, if you expect a slim/fit partner, but you put no effort into maintaining a healthy diet and exercising yourself, or if you expect a well-groomed partner, but you put no effort into your own grooming; or if you expect a well-dressed partner, but you don't put any effort into your own wardrobe). I also think it's hypocritical to expect other people to overlook your flaws, when you're not willing to overlook other people's flaws (like, if you expect people to overlook your acne, but you won't overlook someone else's cellulite or stretch marks).


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What Girls Said 3

  • I kinda would find unattractive people attractive if that happened to me because I would probably lower my standards since I'm no prize pony. At the same time though its hard to change ones view on what they define as attractive.

    Also you may categorize some people as "ugly" but to another they could be seen as average or even beautiful. It's hard to draw the line between ugly and attractive. My mom would reference a song sometimes in a half joking but half serious way. The verse is "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life then make an ugly woman your wife" (by Jimmy Soul) It has logic to it but as humans we can't help but want to go after the guy or girl we find attractive. Looks make you interested but the personality is what makes you stay. So if you are "ugly" or "attractive" it doesn't really matter if you got an ugly personality. If someone doesn't like you back you shouldn't get mad about it because in reality you wouldn't say yes to just anyone either. You just need to accept that not everyone is going to like you and that's okay. I rather be rejected then have a guy date me because he felt bad for me.

    • I'm not suggesting anybody date anybody for feeling bad for them. Ever. What I am suggesting though is that it's not hypocritical at all for an unattractive person to desire an attractive person, since the same forces of evolution drive all people, attractive and unattractive, to do so.

      Well, you're a reasonably attractive young woman. Do you honestly think, if you were reduced to a one, that you could suddenly find another one attractive? If you were for a female as attractive as this guy is for a male
      could you suddenly find yourself desiring to get into bed with this guy by force of will?

      I know the song. I think it's nonsense. I was married, and she was beautiful to me (and quite a few others as well).

      Have you ever heard of koiniphilia? Attractive seems to be more subjective, but ugly is MUCH more objective, and studies have born this out. It's not just humans, it's pretty much the whole animal kingdom.

    • Honestly speaking no I don't think I could willingly be the a guy like that. Even though my appearance may have changed but what I view as attractive has not. I don't think it's hypocritical for people to like other people who are more attractive. It becomes hypocritical when the lesser attractive person pressures the other about keep up their looks, even though they don't put any effort.

      I haven't heard of it before but it sounds interesting. But it's true I use attractive very subjectively and ugly more objectively... haven't really thought about it till you brought it up. I feel bad for thinking that way but I can't help it. It would be nice if this was a perfect world and no one was ugly.

  • Kind of yes... But at the same time beauty is in the wye if the beholder so their mirrior just might be broken.

    • Thanks for sounding off. Why is it kind of hypocritical?

      By the way, there are quite a few scientific reasons and studies that show beauty is not as subjective as many think. Furthermore, ugliness is quite objective.

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    • I think we can agree that there are some people for whom the overwhelming majority will find unattractive. Don't you think?

      Why is it hypocritical?

    • Exactly everyone likes what they like. However what gives them the right to judge or make someone feel like they're not even worthy of them?

      It's a rhetorical question... I know we all do it and like what we like.

  • It really depends on your opinion on your attraction towards them but yes kinda

    • Why do you think so?

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    • I wouldn't think much of it at all.

    • The attractive and the unattractive are entitled to their opinions.

What Guys Said 6

  • It's not hypocritical for them to want to date an attractive person, it's only natural.

    It is hypocritical for them expect an attractive person to date them and get mad when they don't.

    If I was disfigured I STRONGLY doubt I'd suddenly become attracted to disfigured people juse because im disfigured. I'd likely still be attracted to the same people I am now.

    So Id either accept loneliness or kill myself.

    • "It is hypocritical for them expect an attractive person to date them and get mad when they don't."

      What you have said here is crucial, so let me break it down. I would agree that it's hypocritical of them to get mad AT THE PERSON when they are rejected. However, I do not agree that they are hypocritical if they are mad AT THE CIRCUMSTANCE. Do you see the difference? Does that make sense?

      I'm also starting to suspect that many people who are mad AT THE CIRCUMSTANCE (like my brother's friend who died a fifty something year old virgin angry at never having had sex but NEVER angry at the men who rejected her) are being lumped in with people who are mad AT THEIR REJECTORS (Elliot Rodgers).

      What say you?

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    • "just from what I see on here,"

      That's crucial too. I tend to think these people are a loud minority. I tend to suspect most of them don't bother fuming on the internet. They just go cry themselves to sleep.

    • "I tend to think these people are a loud minority"

      Yeah, you might be right.

  • Hypocritical if they don't even try to look their best. That's really wanting to have your cake and eat it too. I believe that if you look seriously unattractive that you should lower your standards for the sake of not disappointing yourself over and over, but I've seen some pretty unattractive men with much more attractive girls.

    And like others have said: Regardless of how you look you still want the best, it's quite human.

  • Everyone wants to fuck upwards lol :)

  • not really if both are unattractive then it only makes sense neither would want each other BECAUSE they are unattractive

    • And yet so many are demonized for finding attractive people attractive, and NOT finding unattractive people attractive.

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    • nah its usually unattractive and attractive women that get hung up on these things. for guys fat usually = unattractive. if a guy on gag says he politely turned down a girl because she was fat he would receive all kinds of shit from women. if a girl said the same thing no one would really care there might be a few "give him a chances" but thats it. most guys could care less who an unattractive person likes

    • That has not been my experience on GAG or in real life.

  • Why is it hypocritical? Everybody wants the 'best'.

  • Yes they want to "screw up the genepool" so others will be as ugly as they think they are.