The first date: Women "always" stop talking to me after?

Question

I've heard that dating is a numbers game... but this is just crazy. From October 2014 up until today, I have been on 17 dates with 17 different women.  
 
I usually keep my dates fun and interesting. I've gone to the batting cages, I've gone for coffee & walks in the parks, bowling, roller skating, you name it.
 
On these dates, I always feel like I am making a connection with these women. The conversation is usually good, a lot of my dates end with me and the girl kissing or making out for a little while and many of them always express interest in seeing me again. The funny thing is... that never happens.
 
After these many first dates, if I text or call a woman, she will reply to me... but she will take a long time. Then if I try to contact them again, they drop off the face of the earth. Sometimes, the next day after our first date, they won't even reply at all.
 
This is really annoying to me, and it makes dating seem more like a chore than something that is fun and should be enjoyed. I feel like I instantly know the outcome of each date... and it has been like this for every date I have gone on. 
 
Why do women suddenly go MIA after date 1?

bobair · Accepted Answer

The connector to all of these dates is you. You're the issue, but it's really hard for you to see WHY you're the issue.. because it's you. Perspective is tough for all of us, so don't feel too badly about it.

Something you're doing is pushing these women away.

Basically how these women FEEL when with you, and later thinking about you, is all that matters. If they don't FEEL anything then they'll move on. If they FEEL excitement, curiosity, or attraction, then they'll see you again. That's it.

From my experience there are three main reasons a girl loses interest...

1) The guy is WAY too into the girl. His interest is way more than hers. This is just naturally a turn off. Your job is to mirror her interest, and take it a notch lower... just slightly. Save your energy, and let her win YOU over a little more.

2) The guy is too fake. This happens when we guys are nervous or too interested, or too worried about what she thinks of us. We all do this constantly. We try to act cool, or pretend we're awesome, or we act in a way we think she'll want us to act.

But women see right through this and instead we come across as creepy or fake.

The hard way to over come this is through practice. Practice being open and honest, and do what ever it takes to learn how to not care what other people think of you... especially the girl you're dating. Because she'll FEEL when you relax and you're comfortable in your own skin.

3) The guy is boring. There's really not much to be done about this... we are who we are. To become more "interesting" you just simply have to be more social, and more curious about HER. Talk less, ask more questions... sorta thing.

I don't know where you sit on this scale, but there's clearly something you're doing that's coming off not quite right. When in doubt double date with a friend so that they can tell you later if you're being weird?

Also note that these are women you're choosing... perhaps there's obvious Red Flags that you're ignoring about them all? Maybe try changing your "preference" of woman for a while, in order to mix it up?

Good luck, and don't stop this work.. it pays off when you're patient!

~ Robby

backspace · Accepted Answer

Well here's the thing I used to have the same problem. I would go out with a woman and it would go great just nothing more.
I figured out what the problem was. What is dating? It's something very stressful that in the last couple of years most people have come to adopt as some kind of separate thing that developed all by itself when it's not.
I just had to reevaluate what dating was for me. Here's the thing I always thought that I just like hanging out with the women I liked and then things went on from there. Well here's the thing about dating it put's a lot of pressure on people and then people start thinking was it this was it that do I want this and before you know it before know a person and if this happens of course this leads to no more dates.
So the solution for me was first to meet somebody in a really casual way. This was easier in my case since my hobby was dancing and because of this I had regular contact with a lot of people. When I meat somebody I was interested in I was able to pick up if they were interested in me to because they showed interest. The key was to keep everything just casual. You know just hanging out and this in turn turned out to be dates in themselves and in turn stuff began to get more serious without having to over think stuff.
That's the problem with people these days they want everything instant, everything is replaceable, nothing is cherished and everything is over thought.
And playing numbers is for gambling not interacting with people. People are people and not numbers and should be treated like people that's how connections get made and that's how relationships form any kind of relationship. Finding people you connect with and maintaining that connection and letting it evolve.

Hope it helps and good luck.

crystalt70 · Accepted Answer

It's hard to say why since we don't know more details and we don't know your personality or theirs. It could be that she just didn't feel a connection. It could be that you did something that she didn't like. It could be that you were too smooth. It could be that you came off too desperate. It could be that you smelled. It could be that she just wasn't as attracted to you as she may have been initially. We can go on and on with the "it could be" scenarios. My question is, where are you finding these women? Were they total strangers or women that you knew in some way before the dates? Maybe you should try getting to know them through conversation a bit before even going on a date with them. People usually know within a couple of days of conversation if this person is someone they would consider dating and/or as boyfriend/girlfriend material. Most guys that I have talked to never made it past a few days. Very few made it to the one week mark. I was able to weed them out through conversation. There's only been a handful of guys that made it past that conversation phase and into meeting up, hanging out or dating phases. I'm not a serial dater who will go out with whatever guy asks me out just to get a free date or whatever. I know what I like and what I don't like. Maybe you should try conversing first. It will save you a lot of money.

MonaStyles · Accepted Answer

Women do this thing when we evaluate so much on the first date. Honestly, I expect this from woman more than men. Some inspect if you're the one while others have more of an open mind to just date and see where things go. You also want to pay attention to what you do on the date. Do you downsize her views or show negativity during the date? Do you show to much or not enough interest?

Compliments are always a way to a woman's heart. Tell her she looks beautiful tonight because she probably took hours getting ready for you. Talk about goals and dreams so she knows what she's dealing with.

Keep her sticking around by bringing up "oh, we'll have to go try that sometime." Using this line would be great when used on the topics of movies or just a unique places around town. I find that when guys bring up future plans than it shows me that they have further plans and intentions with this possible relationship.

The first date should be fun but you definitely want this to be educational for her. We need wAnt to know name, age, occupation, goals, and hobbies. We like to meet on common ground interest.

Sorry, probably stated more common sense but some guys don't think about it so I thought expressing that will change your dating life. Happy hunting ;)

ForTheRide · Accepted Answer

There's a chance you're trying to hard to find someone.

Anytime I've found someone I've been interested in its been accidently or through friends or uni. Dating is terribly hard because you pretty much have your one chance on the first date... but hey at least these women aren't stringing you along.

Unfortunately with dating you can't be too forward otherwise it isn't mysterious. You have to be able to leave the girl guessing. Girls always say they hate it, but honestly it seems the best way to get the second date.

Also, make sure you don't talk about yourself too much. Learn to ask her questions as she will feel more comfortable talking about herself, but obviously if she asks you a question don't blow her off.

I'd also avoid conversations that people generally have strong opinions about, like politics or religion etc.

Thing about all the qualities you have that girls typically like personality wise and looks wise and give yourself a boost. You have to be subtle and obviously you can't just throw it in her face but ultimate your trying to sell the idea of being with you.
If your funny or witty then make sure you show her that! etc etc.

Good luck!

XRabbitHeartX · Accepted Answer

Where do you meet all these women if I may ask? That's quite a lot of women in a short period of time. Most of the guys I've dated were people I met on accident or through some random incident. It literally happened each time when i was least expecting it and wasn't actively looking for anything. I don't even think I've been on dates with 17 different guys during my entire life time yet nevermind in a year.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. If they go home and google you, what do they learn about you?
2. Is it possible that these women get the idea that you are "too eager" to have a girlfriend?
3. Is the conversation on dates balanced? Do you do some of the talking and she does some of the talking?
4. Would any of them have concerns about your appearance or hygiene? (I met a girl recently who was very cute, until she opened her mouth, and her teeth looked like a war zone. I couldn't imagine kissing her and never called her again.)
5. Are you paying for everything on the dates or going dutch? Many women will be offended if you expect them to pay for anything.

These are just a few possibilities.

thatkaruguy · Answer

many of the girls on tinder are scum buckets. might sound rude but its true you dont want to dat 99% of them they are flaky in every regard here's the types of women you will meet on there

1. the attention whore: she will match you may or may not talk to you but if she does its only a little. she has no intentions of dating you or anyone unless they are rich and good looking. she also gets off on you giving her attention.

2. the time sucker: she will give you her number talk to you a lot but when it comes to the date she vanishes (usually 2 days before the scheduled date). after the date day she will re open contact with a lame excuse to why she couldnt go and her phone wouldn't work or something

and last but no least the kind youve come across.

3. the friendly digger: she only went on a date with you for a good time and free food. she never intended on actually going out with you seriously she just wants to have a "good time" and go notice how many of them made out with you? yeah they wanted a fling and to get free stuff! free food and good sex no strings.

id stop using dating apps all together but if you must if she keeps bringing up food or tries to change the date where you only go out to eat she's prolly #3

aboomya · Answer

From experience... I met many guys online and went on a bunch of first dates. ... they were all the same meet for coffee and then never talk again.
I don't know if they thought I should text them first after or felt that I wasn't at all interested but that was many just 1st and last dates.

If a guy kissed me I would be way turned off! That to me is a horn dog. Especially if we haven't done any hing other then a coffee and u wanna make out... unlm NO.

The date that did go ontop more was one where I had been talking to the person for a bit already and had that connection first. .. he planed an awesome fun date that I would never forget. .. he probably put in more effort then any guy yet in that sence and we have been together almost a year now. Took 2 weeks for our first kiss months before sex... it's nice to wait for those kind of things to have more of an emotional connection fist which makes it all the better.

Rules of dating: make it fun and the guy plan something. Text her within 2 days after to let her know you enjoyed ur self and would like to see her again. We take time in replying by text because we don't want to come off as needy or not buzy.
No awkward kissing and don't be a horn dog until at least date 3-5

JohnBhoy94 · Answer

Let me explain something a lot of people seem to not understand here, a woman WOULDN'T go on a date with a guy she wasn't interested in.

I know exactly what's wrong, you're way too eager and are coming across as needy and clingy.

You tells us that you text/call them after the first date, what are the texts like? how long do the calls go on for? ... Then you say that they take a long time, is that 15 minutes, 2 hours, 5 hours?

Fact is, no one sits around with their phone by their side. When you send a text to someone you WAIT till they reply, it's only polite.

I'm pretty sure I know what you do, you get all whinny that the girl doesn't respond to you in the time you want, so you send them a "Hey are you alright, have I done something wrong" kind of text and it turns them off completely.

Next time don't do it.

thecd1979 · Answer

It’s hard to say why they disappear because you don’t know whats going on in their life, so there are infinite possibilities as to why they didn’t call back and things didn’t go anywhere. Dating should never feel like a chore, and if it does then thats when it’s time to just take a step back, relax and not take meeting someone so seriously. The best thing to do is to just stay focused on your life, your goals, plans and doing the things you love. Being single shouldn’t be seen as a curse. If it’s meant to be the right person will come along, most likely when you least expect it and probably when it’s the last thing on your mind.

mooky06 · Answer

I was reading several other comments on your post. You use Tinder. I've never used it before, nor do I want to, I am happily taken. But that's the problem. I see Tinder an unstable app and certainly not a dating site at that. It's more of a "hook up" or "one night stand thing" it's not a site ideal for a long term relationship.

The women you probably have taken out were probably in hopes for a little batta bing batta boom and a free meal and nothing else. Try another online dating site, like "POF, eharmony, any other site you know of" just do not find women to have a long term relationship from an app like Tinder.

Anonymous · Answer

you must be doing something wrong. which is fine. but as men we tend to project our level of interest onto the girls. its hard to believe if they are head over heels over you they wouldn't go on a 2nd date. women are always testing us. they probably do have attraction to you initially but you must be failing these small tests and getting friend zoned. they test to make sure your a good potential partner. if you fail it dosent mean you are not. just in there eyes you are coming off as someone who isn't good for them. I would buy the ebook how to be a 3% man by corey wayne. its like 10$ and I think he is giving it away for free now. it will explain everything and you can start right now.

vickiezalez · Answer

I can't speak for the rest of womankind Lol BUT I don't communicate right away to see if the impression I've left is good enough for him to dwell on. If it's good I feel he should contact me within 3 days after first date. If I'm interested I will reply right away but if I'm not I will be honest and tell you that we should part ways. Maybe these women lack the courage to do that. It is heart breaking news. Maybe you should stop dating for a while. You never know, maybe a girl will approach this time ;)

muspelhem_5 · Answer

You should consult this site, I wager you'll find some answers: Apart from that, give us more to work with re: the actual dates. Who? What? When? Where? How? Why? Details, details, details.

Anonymous · Answer

Hm I guess it depends the type of woman you are asking out. Or maybe where you found them (like an online site), they might just be looking for casual fun and not wanting to date serious... or more than once. Like they could be dating multiple guys. Or maybe they just didn't feel it. It's hard to say.

Personally, I don't kiss/make out with a guy, tell them I want to go out again and then suddenly disappear. If I am interested in the guy, I would want to see him again and stay in contact until the next date. That part is what confuses me, about why the women you are dating do this.

I used to work with a woman that was a casual "fun" dater; she dated a few guys, and sometimes wouldn't call a few back if she didn't feel a quick attraction. I don't know why people can't just say "I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling it/I'm just not into you" or something instead of disappearing. Some guys do this as well... so I know how you feel, very frustrating!

slatyb · Answer

Do you have any female friends who might give you a clue? I went one summer with 15 first dates and no second dates, but most of the rejections were mutual, there were a couple who wanted to another date but it wasn't happening for me, and one I really liked who wasn't interested in me.

madpete1111 · Answer

You're not a good kisser, or something else in the physical department is lacking and thus the following connection is made; "if he's bad at kissing, he definitely won't be good in bed", and since no woman will ever tell you that you're not good at something, it leaves you clueless. I've actually been where you are, but not after kissing; it was after something else. Eventually I discovered I wasn't good, so I did everything to correct the issue. Good luck.

sxphs · Answer

Consider the things you say in your conversation. Do you mention things you probably shouldn't or are you consistently negative?
Also try just kissing her lightly on the lips instead of making out. Do you feel sparks when you do? Chances are she does too. Nothing? Then neither does she, and you have an answer.

GOOSEBOY78 · Answer

how soon do you text after date number 1 hoping for date number 2? best practice is to wait a week.

the only other thing i could think of would be you are doing something on the date that they dont like. and it could be anything even txting while on a date.

coffeprince · Answer

Read a commwnt about qhwre u met these ladies. First thought Ohhh tinder is a know hookup app. I know totes sucks. But if u are using rinser for the convince.. U need to see the intention of these girls.. If she makes out in first date that def. Not gonna lead to future dates.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like you've had a tough time of it dating. I think from experience, you do appear to have had quite bad luck in terms of success rates. I wouldn't worry too much, however, quite often when dating women make quick judgements. Which while disheartening, is probably saving you time in the long run. My advice would be perhaps try a different approach, maybe you could steer clear from formal dating situations and make friends with women. By introducing women in your social circle, you will be able to see them multiple times in a much more casual setting. This means that women will feel more inclined to spend more time with you, as there is no commitment. I think the problem is with dating is that it can be quite daunting, and to say yes to second date for some women perhaps means more than it should.

Prof_Don · Answer

From reading your responses, I believe the common denominator is the dating medium you're using (Tinder ). I heard women tend to be flaky on that site. Do u approach women in real life interactions?

Anonymous · Answer

Hmmm, it sounds like you must be attractive, but something is missing the mark on the connection front.

I work in a marketing related field, and sometimes being genuine feels unusual. I'm so used to communicating effectively that actually being myself has become difficult, especially as I'm private by nature.

9mfeo · Answer

I'm thinking the common denominator here is you, just based on how I don't know anything other than what you've told me. They must feel that these dates haven't gone as well as you thought.

LittleSally · Answer

Hmmmmm... the only common denominator here is you. Maybe there's something wrong with you... How old were all these women? (After you answer I will tell you why this is important.)

The first date: Women "always" stop talking to me after?

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