The first date: Women "always" stop talking to me after?

I've heard that dating is a numbers game... but this is just crazy. From October 2014 up until today, I have been on 17 dates with 17 different women.

I usually keep my dates fun and interesting. I've gone to the batting cages, I've gone for coffee & walks in the parks, bowling, roller skating, you name it.

On these dates, I always feel like I am making a connection with these women. The conversation is usually good, a lot of my dates end with me and the girl kissing or making out for a little while and many of them always express interest in seeing me again. The funny thing is... that never happens.

After these many first dates, if I text or call a woman, she will reply to me... but she will take a long time. Then if I try to contact them again, they drop off the face of the earth. Sometimes, the next day after our first date, they won't even reply at all.

This is really annoying to me, and it makes dating seem more like a chore than something that is fun and should be enjoyed. I feel like I instantly know the outcome of each date... and it has been like this for every date I have gone on.

Why do women suddenly go MIA after date 1?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The connector to all of these dates is you. You're the issue, but it's really hard for you to see WHY you're the issue.. because it's you. Perspective is tough for all of us, so don't feel too badly about it.

    Something you're doing is pushing these women away.

    Basically how these women FEEL when with you, and later thinking about you, is all that matters. If they don't FEEL anything then they'll move on. If they FEEL excitement, curiosity, or attraction, then they'll see you again. That's it.

    From my experience there are three main reasons a girl loses interest...

    1) The guy is WAY too into the girl. His interest is way more than hers. This is just naturally a turn off. Your job is to mirror her interest, and take it a notch lower... just slightly. Save your energy, and let her win YOU over a little more.

    2) The guy is too fake. This happens when we guys are nervous or too interested, or too worried about what she thinks of us. We all do this constantly. We try to act cool, or pretend we're awesome, or we act in a way we think she'll want us to act.

    But women see right through this and instead we come across as creepy or fake.

    The hard way to over come this is through practice. Practice being open and honest, and do what ever it takes to learn how to not care what other people think of you... especially the girl you're dating. Because she'll FEEL when you relax and you're comfortable in your own skin.

    3) The guy is boring. There's really not much to be done about this... we are who we are. To become more "interesting" you just simply have to be more social, and more curious about HER. Talk less, ask more questions... sorta thing.

    I don't know where you sit on this scale, but there's clearly something you're doing that's coming off not quite right. When in doubt double date with a friend so that they can tell you later if you're being weird?

    Also note that these are women you're choosing... perhaps there's obvious Red Flags that you're ignoring about them all? Maybe try changing your "preference" of woman for a while, in order to mix it up?

    Good luck, and don't stop this work.. it pays off when you're patient!

    ~ Robby

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What Girls Said 25

  • It's hard to say why since we don't know more details and we don't know your personality or theirs. It could be that she just didn't feel a connection. It could be that you did something that she didn't like. It could be that you were too smooth. It could be that you came off too desperate. It could be that you smelled. It could be that she just wasn't as attracted to you as she may have been initially. We can go on and on with the "it could be" scenarios. My question is, where are you finding these women? Were they total strangers or women that you knew in some way before the dates? Maybe you should try getting to know them through conversation a bit before even going on a date with them. People usually know within a couple of days of conversation if this person is someone they would consider dating and/or as boyfriend/girlfriend material. Most guys that I have talked to never made it past a few days. Very few made it to the one week mark. I was able to weed them out through conversation. There's only been a handful of guys that made it past that conversation phase and into meeting up, hanging out or dating phases. I'm not a serial dater who will go out with whatever guy asks me out just to get a free date or whatever. I know what I like and what I don't like. Maybe you should try conversing first. It will save you a lot of money.

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  • There's a chance you're trying to hard to find someone.

    Anytime I've found someone I've been interested in its been accidently or through friends or uni. Dating is terribly hard because you pretty much have your one chance on the first date... but hey at least these women aren't stringing you along.

    Unfortunately with dating you can't be too forward otherwise it isn't mysterious. You have to be able to leave the girl guessing. Girls always say they hate it, but honestly it seems the best way to get the second date.

    Also, make sure you don't talk about yourself too much. Learn to ask her questions as she will feel more comfortable talking about herself, but obviously if she asks you a question don't blow her off.

    I'd also avoid conversations that people generally have strong opinions about, like politics or religion etc.

    Thing about all the qualities you have that girls typically like personality wise and looks wise and give yourself a boost. You have to be subtle and obviously you can't just throw it in her face but ultimate your trying to sell the idea of being with you.
    If your funny or witty then make sure you show her that! etc etc.

    Good luck!

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  • I was reading several other comments on your post. You use Tinder. I've never used it before, nor do I want to, I am happily taken. But that's the problem. I see Tinder an unstable app and certainly not a dating site at that. It's more of a "hook up" or "one night stand thing" it's not a site ideal for a long term relationship.

    The women you probably have taken out were probably in hopes for a little batta bing batta boom and a free meal and nothing else. Try another online dating site, like "POF, eharmony, any other site you know of" just do not find women to have a long term relationship from an app like Tinder.

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    • Except for the fact that no girls on there ever want to hook-up and are all looking for something lone term. POF is filled with more bottom of the barrel people who are just trying to get sex more than any other dating site.

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    • @Surfofthenomad 30%, a very accurate guesstimate with a mixture of logic and common sense involved coming up with that number.
      I think you are focusing on what you have experienced in life and in your circle, which maybe 0.8% of that 30% and I say 30% from a worldwide point of view. Focusing on a small part of a larger spectrum is ok, cool whatever, but there is a larger picture to that spectrum that you need to take into consideration.
      Like I said some women don't want to give themselves away to a man so easily. Cool get to know the guy if you have to but, once sex happens, or once you got a free meal or whatever from him that you need, they are gone.

    • @Surfofthenomad Emotional after sex, that's really a 50/50 chance scenario.

  • Consider the things you say in your conversation. Do you mention things you probably shouldn't or are you consistently negative?
    Also try just kissing her lightly on the lips instead of making out. Do you feel sparks when you do? Chances are she does too. Nothing? Then neither does she, and you have an answer.

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  • Where do you meet all these women if I may ask? That's quite a lot of women in a short period of time. Most of the guys I've dated were people I met on accident or through some random incident. It literally happened each time when i was least expecting it and wasn't actively looking for anything. I don't even think I've been on dates with 17 different guys during my entire life time yet nevermind in a year.

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    • Well, I'm a very busy guy. I am a 24 year old marketing manager for a big company. During my off time, I usually go to the gym or hang out with my friends (they are all single guys... so it is usually a big sausage-fest). I take boxing classes, yoga classes and spin class... but I never really meet anyone. Cutting to the chase, I decided to try online dating and have been using Tinder. I guess I'm a good looking guy... because I have no problem racking up 300+ matches on Tinder. I usually talk to a girl for a while and then we decide to go out.

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    • @Yellowbone, Tinder is far from a hook-up only app, every single girl on there is NEVER down for that. I know this is the age where women want to pretend they're everything alike in men, but the reality is many of them aren't very sexual and are only pursuing romantic relationships. I've literally seen hundreds of girls on that app explicitly write on there that "If you're looking for a hook-up, swipe left"

    • I know only had 5dates so far an 4 boyfriends

  • I'm thinking the common denominator here is you, just based on how I don't know anything other than what you've told me. They must feel that these dates haven't gone as well as you thought.

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  • Hmmmmm... the only common denominator here is you.
    Maybe there's something wrong with you...

    How old were all these women?
    (After you answer I will tell you why this is important.)

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    • I'm 24... and they have all been ages 20-25. Funny thing is... when I go to the club (an upscale club in my area)... I get along great with the 30 year old women -_-

    • Oh... then it's not what I thought it was - that they might just be looking for a bit of dating experience...

      Ok, then it's you.
      Definitely the only logical conclusion.

      Maybe try it out with a 30-year old. See if she bails on your next date too.

  • From experience... I met many guys online and went on a bunch of first dates. ... they were all the same meet for coffee and then never talk again.
    I don't know if they thought I should text them first after or felt that I wasn't at all interested but that was many just 1st and last dates.

    If a guy kissed me I would be way turned off! That to me is a horn dog. Especially if we haven't done any hing other then a coffee and u wanna make out... unlm NO.

    The date that did go ontop more was one where I had been talking to the person for a bit already and had that connection first. .. he planed an awesome fun date that I would never forget. .. he probably put in more effort then any guy yet in that sence and we have been together almost a year now. Took 2 weeks for our first kiss months before sex... it's nice to wait for those kind of things to have more of an emotional connection fist which makes it all the better.

    Rules of dating: make it fun and the guy plan something. Text her within 2 days after to let her know you enjoyed ur self and would like to see her again. We take time in replying by text because we don't want to come off as needy or not buzy.
    No awkward kissing and don't be a horn dog until at least date 3-5

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    • I agree I had a date with a guy an 5 mins in or so we was at country park he wanted a kiss red flag in end he just wanted sex hence the guy being so keen an forceful.

    • Yup been there! Creeperz

  • I ask myself the same question with guys!

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  • Women do this thing when we evaluate so much on the first date. Honestly, I expect this from woman more than men. Some inspect if you're the one while others have more of an open mind to just date and see where things go. You also want to pay attention to what you do on the date. Do you downsize her views or show negativity during the date? Do you show to much or not enough interest?

    Compliments are always a way to a woman's heart. Tell her she looks beautiful tonight because she probably took hours getting ready for you. Talk about goals and dreams so she knows what she's dealing with.

    Keep her sticking around by bringing up "oh, we'll have to go try that sometime." Using this line would be great when used on the topics of movies or just a unique places around town. I find that when guys bring up future plans than it shows me that they have further plans and intentions with this possible relationship.

    The first date should be fun but you definitely want this to be educational for her. We need wAnt to know name, age, occupation, goals, and hobbies. We like to meet on common ground interest.

    Sorry, probably stated more common sense but some guys don't think about it so I thought expressing that will change your dating life. Happy hunting ;)

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  • I can't speak for the rest of womankind Lol BUT I don't communicate right away to see if the impression I've left is good enough for him to dwell on. If it's good I feel he should contact me within 3 days after first date. If I'm interested I will reply right away but if I'm not I will be honest and tell you that we should part ways. Maybe these women lack the courage to do that. It is heart breaking news. Maybe you should stop dating for a while. You never know, maybe a girl will approach this time ;)

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  • Read a commwnt about qhwre u met these ladies. First thought Ohhh tinder is a know hookup app. I know totes sucks. But if u are using rinser for the convince.. U need to see the intention of these girls.. If she makes out in first date that def. Not gonna lead to future dates.

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  • They didn't like you or feel a spark. No attraction even if they did kiss you. They maybe was after a paid date for fun an nothing more. Who knows 😐

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  • I've done this to guys on tinder or POF, I find their pic appealing, but sometimes when I go to meet up they are magically 35lbs heavier and they were using "the angles" I stay the date but I mark them as friends. Sometimes there's no spark.

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  • YEAH IT SUCKS

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  • Maybe your not that attractive or you aren't talking about interesting things and the women are just pretending to be interested? Do you have good hygiene?

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    • So If a guy is not attractive enough he is doomed for life? 😀

    • No but it would be harder for him to get a woman to commit, especially if she is more attractive. Also attractiveness is relative so maybe the women you met up with haven't thought you were that attractive.

  • There are more productive things that a guy could be doing like working, being outdoors, working out

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    • whats wrong if hew wants today. he does work..

    • I thought I was answering the question about girls not wanting a gamer my apologies!

  • they lose interest

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  • Maybe they're just not that into you?

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  • That's amazing. Women are b*tches, if they see a good guy they think other wise. Some are scared, and don't know what to do.

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  • Sounds like you've had a tough time of it dating. I think from experience, you do appear to have had quite bad luck in terms of success rates. I wouldn't worry too much, however, quite often when dating women make quick judgements. Which while disheartening, is probably saving you time in the long run. My advice would be perhaps try a different approach, maybe you could steer clear from formal dating situations and make friends with women. By introducing women in your social circle, you will be able to see them multiple times in a much more casual setting. This means that women will feel more inclined to spend more time with you, as there is no commitment. I think the problem is with dating is that it can be quite daunting, and to say yes to second date for some women perhaps means more than it should.

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  • Hm I guess it depends the type of woman you are asking out. Or maybe where you found them (like an online site), they might just be looking for casual fun and not wanting to date serious... or more than once. Like they could be dating multiple guys. Or maybe they just didn't feel it. It's hard to say.

    Personally, I don't kiss/make out with a guy, tell them I want to go out again and then suddenly disappear. If I am interested in the guy, I would want to see him again and stay in contact until the next date. That part is what confuses me, about why the women you are dating do this.

    I used to work with a woman that was a casual "fun" dater; she dated a few guys, and sometimes wouldn't call a few back if she didn't feel a quick attraction. I don't know why people can't just say "I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling it/I'm just not into you" or something instead of disappearing. Some guys do this as well... so I know how you feel, very frustrating!

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    • I saw you use Tinder. From my experience (I don't use it, but I know guys and gals that do), they use it for hook ups and not dating/relationship app. Have you tried other sites? If you are more serious about a relationship, I mean.

  • they are just not that interested.

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  • I have this problem with guys but I usually fall for the smooth talkers maybe they just don't feel a connection

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    • But if I am able to kiss or makeout on a date with ease... wouldn't that mean I am a smooth talker to take it that far?

    • Probably but most girls are looking for a partner not the smooth talker that's just me my boyfriend choices are well?

  • Hmmm, it sounds like you must be attractive, but something is missing the mark on the connection front.

    I work in a marketing related field, and sometimes being genuine feels unusual. I'm so used to communicating effectively that actually being myself has become difficult, especially as I'm private by nature.

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What Guys Said 37

  • Well here's the thing I used to have the same problem. I would go out with a woman and it would go great just nothing more.
    I figured out what the problem was. What is dating? It's something very stressful that in the last couple of years most people have come to adopt as some kind of separate thing that developed all by itself when it's not.
    I just had to reevaluate what dating was for me. Here's the thing I always thought that I just like hanging out with the women I liked and then things went on from there. Well here's the thing about dating it put's a lot of pressure on people and then people start thinking was it this was it that do I want this and before you know it before know a person and if this happens of course this leads to no more dates.
    So the solution for me was first to meet somebody in a really casual way. This was easier in my case since my hobby was dancing and because of this I had regular contact with a lot of people. When I meat somebody I was interested in I was able to pick up if they were interested in me to because they showed interest. The key was to keep everything just casual. You know just hanging out and this in turn turned out to be dates in themselves and in turn stuff began to get more serious without having to over think stuff.
    That's the problem with people these days they want everything instant, everything is replaceable, nothing is cherished and everything is over thought.
    And playing numbers is for gambling not interacting with people. People are people and not numbers and should be treated like people that's how connections get made and that's how relationships form any kind of relationship. Finding people you connect with and maintaining that connection and letting it evolve.

    Hope it helps and good luck.

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  • 1. If they go home and google you, what do they learn about you?
    2. Is it possible that these women get the idea that you are "too eager" to have a girlfriend?
    3. Is the conversation on dates balanced? Do you do some of the talking and she does some of the talking?
    4. Would any of them have concerns about your appearance or hygiene? (I met a girl recently who was very cute, until she opened her mouth, and her teeth looked like a war zone. I couldn't imagine kissing her and never called her again.)
    5. Are you paying for everything on the dates or going dutch? Many women will be offended if you expect them to pay for anything.

    These are just a few possibilities.

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  • Let me explain something a lot of people seem to not understand here, a woman WOULDN'T go on a date with a guy she wasn't interested in.

    I know exactly what's wrong, you're way too eager and are coming across as needy and clingy.

    You tells us that you text/call them after the first date, what are the texts like? how long do the calls go on for? ... Then you say that they take a long time, is that 15 minutes, 2 hours, 5 hours?

    Fact is, no one sits around with their phone by their side. When you send a text to someone you WAIT till they reply, it's only polite.

    I'm pretty sure I know what you do, you get all whinny that the girl doesn't respond to you in the time you want, so you send them a "Hey are you alright, have I done something wrong" kind of text and it turns them off completely.

    Next time don't do it.

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  • It’s hard to say why they disappear because you don’t know whats going on in their life, so there are infinite possibilities as to why they didn’t call back and things didn’t go anywhere. Dating should never feel like a chore, and if it does then thats when it’s time to just take a step back, relax and not take meeting someone so seriously. The best thing to do is to just stay focused on your life, your goals, plans and doing the things you love. Being single shouldn’t be seen as a curse. If it’s meant to be the right person will come along, most likely when you least expect it and probably when it’s the last thing on your mind.

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  • many of the girls on tinder are scum buckets. might sound rude but its true you dont want to dat 99% of them they are flaky in every regard here's the types of women you will meet on there

    1. the attention whore: she will match you may or may not talk to you but if she does its only a little. she has no intentions of dating you or anyone unless they are rich and good looking. she also gets off on you giving her attention.

    2. the time sucker: she will give you her number talk to you a lot but when it comes to the date she vanishes (usually 2 days before the scheduled date). after the date day she will re open contact with a lame excuse to why she couldnt go and her phone wouldn't work or something

    and last but no least the kind youve come across.

    3. the friendly digger: she only went on a date with you for a good time and free food. she never intended on actually going out with you seriously she just wants to have a "good time" and go notice how many of them made out with you? yeah they wanted a fling and to get free stuff! free food and good sex no strings.

    id stop using dating apps all together but if you must if she keeps bringing up food or tries to change the date where you only go out to eat she's prolly #3

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  • You should consult this site, I wager you'll find some answers:
    thematinggrounds.com/what-are-women-attracted-to/

    thematinggrounds.com/.../

    Apart from that, give us more to work with re: the actual dates. Who? What? When? Where? How? Why? Details, details, details.

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  • From reading your responses, I believe the common denominator is the dating medium you're using (Tinder ). I heard women tend to be flaky on that site.

    Do u approach women in real life interactions?

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    • I don't have much free time, unfortunately. Aside from work, I am usually at the gym or hanging out with my guy friends (they are all single and it's usually a sausage fest). I tend to go to clubs and bars by myself... but, of course, I don't really get anywhere.

      I do attend gym classes, like yoga, boxing and cycling... but no one really talks to each other in those classes (unless they showed up with a friend, they will talk to their friend)... but that's about the gist of it. It's really hard to meet women, unless you have a social group that has a lot of women involved.

  • Do you have any female friends who might give you a clue? I went one summer with 15 first dates and no second dates, but most of the rejections were mutual, there were a couple who wanted to another date but it wasn't happening for me, and one I really liked who wasn't interested in me.

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    • no female friends, my friend -_-. I used to have female friends in high school... but they would always fall for me and I was never interested. By college, my female friends would come and go per semester. For example, I would befriend a girl in class, we would talk and study all semester long and then once the semester ended, they would drop off the face of the earth -_-

  • Fuck bro...
    that blows...
    women these days i swear...

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  • how soon do you text after date number 1 hoping for date number 2? best practice is to wait a week.

    the only other thing i could think of would be you are doing something on the date that they dont like. and it could be anything even txting while on a date.

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  • You're not a good kisser, or something else in the physical department is lacking and thus the following connection is made; "if he's bad at kissing, he definitely won't be good in bed", and since no woman will ever tell you that you're not good at something, it leaves you clueless. I've actually been where you are, but not after kissing; it was after something else. Eventually I discovered I wasn't good, so I did everything to correct the issue. Good luck.

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  • Because when you actually date, it is a chore. You are trying to look for that special something.. Unfortunatly, the medium you are using is not best suited for that. The best way to find something is to not go looking for it

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  • You look for a relationship, on a site that is for no strings sex and vacation hook ups.

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  • Wow. Every woman I have ever gone on date with has become my girlfriend - with just one exeption.

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  • You forgot to fart in their mouth during the date. BE A GENTLEMEN!!!

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  • perhaps you make your decisions too quickly or say things that might scare them away such as marriage.. I've seen many guys making mistakes like that..

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  • That's weird to get 17 like that, maybe they aren't physically attracted to you, have you got something that girls might not like? Or something that stands out. But then again you kissed a lot of them.

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  • Why don't you just ask one of them why?

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    • That's really insecure lol...

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    • Lol... again... if they don't reply to me after the date... why reply if I ask them "why?" I've done that numerous times. No reply.

    • Ask one of them.

  • You must ALWAYS do something wrong.

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  • Dude, I have no experience and I know your problem. Your problem is when you text them after you aren't making it a point to see them again. You should say, "Hey, I had fun with you the last night. Let's go see a movie this weekend".

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  • Wow. 17 dates? How did you manage that? Okcupid? That might be your problem.

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  • I guess you're just not captivating.

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  • Never happened to me, perhaps, it has something to do with you.

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  • like i always say and its never wrong.

    You need to be a badboy, have tons of money and flirt with other women while on those dates then they'll be asking you for the 5th date before the 2nd one happens.

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  • You've just had a string of rude bitches. Happens. Keep hunting.

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  • Can I ask what part of the country do you live in?

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  • Have you ever heard of doc love? He recommends waiting 4-5 days after the first date to have a follow up text.

    I'm having the same problem but I've been following up too soon myself.

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  • Could it be the way or contents that you phrase it in your text that might turn them off? Apparently from the way you mentioned it, it seems that you are fine when going out with her and things start to topple once when come to text portion.

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  • Or how about when you talk back and forth for months and seemingly well, all the signals are good. pass go collect $200 , the girl just ignores and you and acts like a total witch night and day difference.. and doesn't care you even exist just for you telling her you like her..

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  • you must be doing something wrong. which is fine. but as men we tend to project our level of interest onto the girls. its hard to believe if they are head over heels over you they wouldn't go on a 2nd date. women are always testing us. they probably do have attraction to you initially but you must be failing these small tests and getting friend zoned. they test to make sure your a good potential partner. if you fail it dosent mean you are not. just in there eyes you are coming off as someone who isn't good for them. I would buy the ebook how to be a 3% man by corey wayne. its like 10$ and I think he is giving it away for free now. it will explain everything and you can start right now.

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