What's the best way to ask what a girl her intentions are?

[Anonymous]

So there's this girl I like and she's in the past expressed interest in me as well. Lately things have cooled off between us as she's been busy with stuff in her life (work and school). Before she was interested in being my girlfriend but now I don't know what her intentions are if any with me as I haven't been able to spend time with her. So what's the best way to bring up the topic without being too pushy? I know she knows that I want us to be a couple as I've told her that before. Should I let her know that my feelings are still the same and ask her if hers have changed? Or should I ask her if she sees us going out? Should I let her know what my intentions are and then just leave it as that and see what she does? I'm really lost here.

[serm416]

I'm confused too...sounds like you've already had a discussion in which you both expressed mutual interest and desire to one another... what happened after that point? Did you back away yourself so that she got the message you're no longer interested in her? Or did you persue her to ask her to go out and she's declined?

What exactly are your intentions? If I were her - I'd want to know and I'd prefer you not only declare yourself - but that you actually live up to what you say. If you say you want to take me to dinner on Friday night at 8pm...then I would want and expect you to show up for our date. If on the other hand you are not interested in asking me out - then I'd like to know so I can move on to other things myself. What I don't want is a man who declares his feelings for me and then allows time to pass or makes no effort to spend time with me...so I'm left hanging and wondering.

In answer to you question - yes - tell her what you'd like - but then do us all a favor and do something to show you meant what you said. We don't really thrive with guys who are "wishy washy".

[Asker]

At that point she was still with someone. They have broken up since and when they did I figured I would be next. But instead she told me she isn't ready for another relationship and since then things have cooled off between us because of her work. So I don't actually know if I got declined or if she just decided she doesn't want to be with me anymore. We still talk online or text but that's about it. I don't know if she's having second thoughts or what

[serm416]

She's being fair with you...so give her some time and space. Sounds to me like she's not willing to jump into another relationship until she's worked through some of her heartache over the other person first...And really wouldn't you rather wait for a women who has a depth of feeling? Be her friend and be happy to spend time together when you do. At some point she'll be ready for another boyfriend...Hope that helps.

[Asker]

I guess you have a point there. I mean my intentions are to be an exclusive couple with her and maybe that's not what she's looking for right now either. Should I let her know that I still feel the same about her and reassure her of where she stands with me?

[serm416]

You should be a friend and not put more pressure on her. She already knows how you feel and bringing it up again will only make her feel guilty she's not able to emotionally be there for you and may make her want to move away from you. Better for you to be her friend by spending time just doing things you enjoy together and letting her move at her pace. If you care about her you'll want what's best for her EVEN if it doesn't include you. So cut both of you some slack and just hand out as able.

[germanotaku]

Try to spent more time with her and yes, tell her your feelings! This might put up a little pressure on her but that's not a bad thing! You shouldn't be too pushy though, but I think you know what's too much and what's not given the situation. You're already caring a lot as it appears.

Sadly, some persons life such a stressful life, they are unable to do anything beside work and routine... You "simply" gotta try to find your way into that life. Ask if you're able to drop by after work for an hour, doesn't even need to be much. Or simply say hi over phone some days.

You first got to get to know her really close before entering in a relationship with her because it's difficult with her having not much time. She'll mostly pressure herself and that shouldn't happen because that would lead to a disastrous ending.

SHOW her your interest rather than telling her. And if the times right you are to tell her, without putting up pressure,so choose your words carefully ;)