How do I sort through this mess of so called love?

My ex and I broke up March of last year. We were together 2 years. We had a hard time, we lost our unborn baby at 4 months, struggled with questions of his faithfulness a time or two, and his drinking on the weekends. My ex before him (who is my bestfriend) was a problem for him, but I wouldn't end the friendship, bc that's all it was. He said I had a tendency to not show that I cared. But I did everything for him. We had our issues, which ultimately lead to the end. Neither of us wanted, but I felt he distracted me from my goals. I lost myself with him. But the love we shared was undeniable. Well March of this year, hadn't spoken sincewe ended, I was seeing a guy in his town, my ex ended up behind me on the rd and called me. We ended up stopping and talking, then riding backroads and catching up. We didn't hook up, but I stayed the night bc I was drinking. We started to spend more time together, it's like we never skipped a beat, even after a year. I was scared to go there again bc the rush of emotions I didn't know were there came flooding in and couldn't sort well. Plus the guy I was seeing, it was unfair to, even though it was casual. Well I told him the story of running in to my ex and all that, we are dating now, and he's 13 years older than me. I still know there is love for my ex. But I really like this guy, he's perfect, but I feel he is in a rush to settle down. 35 and 23, we have a lot in common but I see no need to rush things. I want to marry one day, but he feels like he's running out if time to remarry. He has 4 kids. It's a lot, but I dk how to handle this. I like him, but not being rushed, and the ex, I still feel it, though I ignore it a lot. We haven't talked much since April and n I started seeing my boyfriend in June. Bc I don't want that to be a reason, to not give him a chance. But exs uncle passed 2 days ago, I did call and check in, give my condolences. He got drunk tonight after the funeral, and I had text him saying they were in my prayers, he s

Updates:
Said thank you and he loved and missed me. We both know it's there.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • it is completely normal to have feelings still for an ex- especially one you truly cared about and went through so much with. those feeling will never go away most likely. love is a powerful thing. i think you need to follow your heart. be honest with yourself- are you still IN LOVE with your ex? it is possible that maybe you two are meant to reconnect and needed space to grow as that happens sometimes! but you also need to be careful of your new bf's feelings and not let anything get too out of control where you end up sneaking around. my last boyfriend i was with him for 9 years and i lost a baby with him. that is really a hard thing to go through... good luck to you.

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    • He makes me feel things I haven't ever felt, and only feel with him.. still. And yeah I have fear that if we tried again it still wouldn't work, we'd go back to the same bs we were in the first time. But this new guy, he's so reapectful, yet I feel pressured with him to rush this process and my feelings, I told him this today. He really wants to settle down and remarry.. I like to just go with the flow, not plan out every detail of the future. I would never cheat on him though, that's not my thing. I did check up on my ex a couple days this week, but I know what his uncle meant to him, I know it's nice to know there are people there in hard times.

    • The guy I was with for 9 years and lost the baby with, because we loved eachother so much and the passion was insannnne it was hard to fully let go. we broke up on and off multiple times for different reasons and kept trying to make it work... at some point you have to realize like yes i will always love him, be attracted to him and want him but it just didn't work. i used to hate the saying sometimes love isn't enough. but its true:/

What Guys Said 2

  • Age is just a number. I've always said that. But honestly, what do *you* want? Life is full of surprises. I've had my share of them.

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    • I honestly dont know. The age doesn't bother me. The fact that he feels marriage and settling down ASAP is. I like him, but I'm slow to warm up to people. My ex, he's the one I want to call and tell every thing to when shit happens.. good or bad.

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    • Who's scared of commitment.. well other than me... when it feels pressured. I love blunt people, my boyfriend tells me I'm too blunt, but I like rawness, straight to the point stuff. people say it's called being insensitive, I try not to be. But it is a risk. I risk giving up on something I haven't really given a chance to, or risk going back to my ex, losing myself and possibly ending up in a crap hole relationship again, love and all. Or I could risk it all, including my sanity and get rid of them both and adopt 27 cats lol.

    • o. O Don't do that.

      Well, I mean, if you really want to...

      Ok, here's the thing. Your future is in your hands. Pretend you have three hands for this exercise, please. On one hand, you have your ex. On the next, the other guy. On the third, something else. You can't catch a tiger's cub if you don't enter its cave. You're going to have to risk something here. You could take the path of least resistance and hope for something better than where you are; not an unjust goal, by the way. You know your ex better than I do. If you think it can work, by all means, go for it. I saw a guy once marry a girl, get divorced, and remarry her 3 years later. Strange stuff happens. If you're adventurous, maybe you take the high road and see what happens. No matter what you choose, you'll be on an adventure, so it's best to enjoy it. I'm not trying to sound wise or sage; I've made a lot of mistakes. Just offering an honest opinion. I'm glad you like blunt - few people can take my bluntness.

  • I wrote a myTake about Who Should You Marry, but what I wrote in it applies to who should you be in a serious relationship with.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10762-who-should-you-marry

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