Is the damage done and the relationship over? What do I do, it was so extreme?

My boyfriend of one year and I had our first big big fight. I asked him to remove his ex girlfriend on fb not bc she was his ex but long story short she keeps doing weird stuff on fb at or towards our relationship. My boyfriend is the type that doesn't let anyone or anything get to him. So he shrugs her off and moves on. I however have been dealing with this patiently waiting for her to move on. I messaged her and just broke the ice didn't say anything mean or question anything, just introduced myself and broke tension. i told my boyfriend he didn't really seem to care thought it was a waste. I then just straight asked him to remove her, he did not like that at all, asked me to stop talking if that was all i was going to talk about. It went on and on just me explaining why and him arguing no. She had i assume accidently tagged herself in one of our love photos lol and me being immature and pissed off I went ahead and approved bc i was so hurt that my boyfriend would remove a person he didn't care about for the love of his life. I was angry and thought the irony that she is in the photo was just too good to miss. I regret doing it. My boyfriend then acted out by removing his fb and telling me that now i am in a relationship online with myself. then later he told me i was in a relationship with her. I called him crying and upset and hurt. He didn't care said thats what i get. He was very hurtful with his words and I began to cry so hard I was jolting with my body you know that type of cry where everytime he says something hurtful u litterally feel it in your heart. I had never cried that hard over a relationship. I asked him to stop that he ws hurting me litterally. He wouldn't i cried and cried. He said why are you crying like a 5 year old on the phone. I didn't say anything just wept. He then said why are we on the phone if your not talking. I told him just go, just go just go i could verily get the words out of my mouth i was crying so hard. He hangs up. I try to control my emotions before I litterally make myself sick. He then tried to face time with me , he called 11 times and I ignored them all I had been crying 4 hours over this, i was in so much pain i couldnt talk anymore, i was so upset i couldnt talk there was nothing left in me. I fell asleep crying and woke up a mess. He has yet to call or anything. I don't know what to do... are we over? should i wait for him? am i suppose to call? Is this normal behavior for a bf? HELP


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like this has been going on for a long time.

    Firstly, I completely understand where you are coming from. I've been there myself before. From your point of view, you feel that because there is still a connection between them, even a facebook one, there must still be some sort of emotionally connection. Yes? From his point of view, he's moved on, he sees her as nothing more than a number on his facebook friends and he doesn't understand why you don't get it - you are in a relationship, everyone knows you are, why isn't that enough? After all, you don't choose who he's friends with, why should you?

    Both of you are correct. But you can't find common ground over it. Neither of you will be happy - if he removes her, he will feel controlled. If he doesn't remove her, you will feel unloved and under valued. It's a catch 22.

    Firstly, you need to calm down. Deep breathes. Cry it out but also try and distract yourself. Put a film on. Get some ice cream. Whatever you need to do to make you feel better.
    Don't contact him just yet. Emotionally you aren't ready, you are like an over inflated balloon - the smallest of things could make you pop. Send him a message tomorrow or the day after, just simple, say "I'm really sorry, I know I over reacted, I feel really sensitive and just need a bit of time to cool off, hope you don't mind" It's simple, it's too the point, it's honest. You aren't breaking up with him, you aren't asking for a break, you're just asking for a bit of space. If you don't want to text him, don't worry about it, but don't contact him with a "hey how are you" until you are ready.

    As for if it's normal... yes for an angry boyfriend it's normal. You aren't necessarily over, you just need to talk about it and understand each other. If you can't do that, then you may be over.

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    • I dont think i over reacted with my emotions. I shouldn't have approved the tag but at the same time. I wasn't being heard or understood. So i acted on what i felt. I dont think i should say sorry. I think this is entirely him and I think if he doesn't call today to say sorry then its over in my book.

    • Well, sounds like you didn't need anybody's advice, you just need to vent.

      Sorry my advice wasn't what you wanted to hear.

    • I'll slide it in.

What Guys Said 3

  • Do you know why people end up in relationships with abusers? They ignore all the signs they are getting early in the relationship or they ignore the signs they are getting before the relationship even starts. Given what your boyfriend has said and done, it should be crystal clear what kind of a man he is. So, I suggest you break it off and cut him off. Because all of the signs of him being an emotional abuser are staring you right in the face.

    Just in case you don't see them, I'll break it down for you. You had a valid reason for him to remove his ex from his facebook and he didn't do it. He threw it back in your face by acting out and trying to hurt you emotionally. He went on to continue to emotionally hurt you and insult you by telling you to stop crying like a five year old.

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    • he may be an abuser i am not sure though

    • Do you really want to chance it? Are you willing to accept this kind of behavior from him? Do his actions show that he cares about your mental and emotional wellbeing? If you answered no to any of those three questions than you need to break it off. Don't second guess him because the only one that will end up paying for it in the end is you.

  • whoa wait... didn't u x-plain to him u tagged her BY MISTAKE?

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    • she tagged herself in my photos and i was stupid and angry and approved her tag

    • i'm afraid now it's kinda late 2 undo this :(

  • Ahhhh
    The dangers of FB
    Another ruined relationship.
    There should be a site that tracks how many disasters occur because of unsocial media.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe he's letting you calm down a bit. If you want, you can reach out to him, mostly bc I don't feel like there is right or wrong to this. I don't know the exact nature of the jabs she is making toward your relationship, so it's hard to decide if you had a strong enough reason to request that he delete her. On the other hand, I don't understand why he was being so defensive about doing it in the first place. If she's an ex, it shouldn't be a problem, especially if you ask him to do it with good reason. Also, the fact that he wasn't trying to hear you out and was attacking you? No guy should ever, ever hurt you like that. To me, this is ex is too involved, and if this is going to continue on, then you should really reconsider your relationship with him.

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    • I am giving him today to make it right and then i think its over if not. He went too far and he dug to deep this time and i am not okay with that.

    • I agree, just the way that he responded alone is a red flag.

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