Guys, would you date someone who is suffering depression/suicidal thought?

I've got a little bit of a backstory. I've been having suicidal thoughts, but not to gain attention. I've been bullied ever since 6th grade (I'll be a junior next year) and last September, I was done with the bullying. It got to the point where the main guy who made fun of me would do it right behind my back and I could hear my name being tossed around in the conversation. I talked to my school counselor about it and how I wanted to kill myself if I heard one more insult come out of his mouth. It also got to the point where every 2 or 4 months, all the things said about me would come to thought for no reason. Even if I listened to music, the insults wouldn't go away, and I'd have a nervous breakdown. There were only around 7 or 8 things that the one guy in my grade would say, but the insults were so insulting that it brought me down.
I've also been texting a friend of mine, and they've always been there for me when I had a suicidal thought and they talked me out of it. Then, one day they asked me to stop texting them like I was dying, and it never dawned on me as to how much I had to drag them through with me wanting to kill myself until that moment that he texted me that. Now I don't know who to talk to about what I'm going through. I cannot text my friends because they can contact my parents and tell them what I told them although I never fall through with my plans and I'm never going to commit suicide.
That's my backstory.

A few minutes ago, someone had posted on the feed a question about if anyone would want to date someone who is anorexic so I'm asking the same thing, but this time with depression/suicidal thoughts. I haven't cut myself before either, but every once a while and during the day, I'll have the thought of "you should cut yourself-no one will now" but I try not to listen to that thought.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • To be honest, you have more pressing issues than having a boyfriend. If you were struggling with cancer, would you be looking for a boyfriend? Fix your biggest problems first. Anyway, it would be difficult to find a boyfriend if you feel depressed all the time. What would be the point for him if you're only gonna drag him down like your friend? I know it's easy to say for me but I've been through the same kind of crap when I was your age. Though I didn't let it get to me as much. With the state of mind you are in, every little thing you hear gets amplified 10 times. There is one guy spewing shit about you and you think he is worth losing your life over? You think he is worth this? Certainly not. You said you didn't want this, but I really, really think you should talk with your parents. You don't have to mention to them you feel suicidal but make them understand that you can't take it anymore. If the principal did nothing, your parents will make sure he does now. Also, it may seem like it's far away, but once you get to college, things will change for the better. Also you look cute, socializing then will be much easier... So,
    1- Nevermind the boyfriend for now
    2- TALK TO YOUR PARENTS. If they can't help you themselves, they'll find someone who can, it's their job.
    3- Get better, only once you feel better will it show and guys will start getting interested in you. No one likes a downer...
    Good luck !

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    • Well, I've already talked to my parents about it, and I've had a therapist for a few months after it had happened. The therapist wasn't much of a help because he kept referring to praying, and all I needed was for someone to listen. I wasn't there for advice or anything, just for someone to listen. At the point that I'm at right now, I have minor depression and some suicidal thoughts, but I'm never, and I mean NEVER, will kill myself or follow through on any suicidal plan.

    • Your therapist is bullshit. Go see a psychologist. That therapist should be kicked in the butt. Praying never fixes ANYTHING. Whether you are a believer or not, praying does not cure sickness...

What Guys Said 20

  • Dating someone who is depressed or suicidal will only work if the person is doing something to get themselves better. It can work for a time if they aren't but eventually that will wear on the other person and probably cause them to become depressed themselves. Especially if they are constantly trying to cheer you up and it never helps.
    That's my experience anyways, I dated a girl who was not getting any help and it just got very exhausting mentally and emotionally.

    As for your bullying you need to stand up for yourself in a very aggressive, bullying way of your own. The reality is and I speak from Exp. here nobody is going to save you from it. Its up to you and a reasonable approach isn't going to work with people like that.
    What do you have to lose by standing up for yourself? your already down by it and you shouldn't have to go through your days feeling that way. It will get better because HS is total bullsh*t and most people in it are idiots but don't let this time in your life get you so far down that you may not be able to get back up.

    You hear him talking about you again, get after him, use profanity and be aggressive, he talks about you so much he must be in love with you, than keep insulting him in front of everyone. It may not be in your nature but sitting around letting some fool have that much control over your emotions shouldn't be either. Nobody who gets you down should have any impact in your life cause they dont deserve to have that impact.

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  • First off I can tell you I was bullied myself and I have even had those thoughts but I was able to overcome them, Im glad you have been able to so far as well, I wouldn't mind dating someone that has gotten over those types of problems, I wouldn't want to date someone when they are having them, but there are reasons for this, it wouldn't be because I didn't like them. More than anything I think it wouldn't be safe for them, I will explain a bit more.

    It would be better if they are in a healthier state of mind when they are dating. Dating could easily plunge someone deeper into depression and suicidal thoughts, love isn't always pretty and there are times it is painful, it safe to say that though there are happy times in dating what I described can also occur. It would just be to much of an emotional rollercoaster for the person having depression and suicidal thoughts and likely only exacerbate the problem. I would want to help them first get over these problems before considering dating at least.

    Honestly I can understand how words might effect you, I had many unkind and hurtful things said about me, they made me feel like the lowest of the low. There came a point when I realized, I like who I am, why should I be listening to these guys.

    Believe me when I tell you its a matter of perspective more than anything. In my eyes the people that bully others do it because it makes them feel better about themselves, and I decided I dont need to play along with their game. I still got bullied from time to time, but mostly I ignored them and made sure I enjoyed my life and made good friends. I hope you can do the same because you will be a lot happier if you can love yourself for who you are, and not care about those that are hurtful towards you.

    I really hope this helps you, and things get better for you.

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  • I personally would not because i believe you need to learn to love yourself and be able to find happiness on your own before you involve someone else in your life.

    I do find however, if someone did go throw such a dramatic phase of suicidal thoughts but was able to overcome it and talk about it years later to be an attractive trait.
    - I say this because everyone has issues, it's the perseverance, triumphing and overcoming obstacles that builds character no matter what the bumpy road people are on.

    But i am also 29, if i was my 16 year old self back then? I would date because.. why not? i was 16 and stupid (i was a really dumb teenager).

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  • I have dated someone depressed. The reason why I can is because I'm not ignorant to what that person is going through.
    You see, I suffer from frequent bouts of major depression -_- quite a lot. But i've learned to handle it when i'm around others and with someone that I really care about. Dating a girl that is depressed wouldn't make me run away. Its because i know what that sadness does to someone. I know how it makes a person feel. So I can't find any part of myself wanting to leave someone especially someone I care about, in a state such as that.

    You see many people would leave. You can't blame'em at times, because they don't have the slightest idea what you've been through, or how you feel each morning you wake. Someone that understands should react differently. Because I wouldn't abandon someone in that state

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  • no but i'd rather help her instead
    anyway please don't start cuttin yerself... since u mentioned u never cut yerself be4... don't start now :|

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  • I guess I could date a person who is suffering depression/suicidal thoughts in situations like yours or similar like problems with parents and so on, not only I would date them but also try to make a very strong bond with them and try to repair what has been damaged in them if that's possible tho.

    The only problem I see in this situation is that such person who is suffering depression/suicidal thoughts is that they would need to be firstly be interested in me and show some signs of it so I will know that they are interested in a relationship with me. Other than that I don't see any more problems.

    P. S If you downvote me in this point know that I don't give truly shit about it as I'm genuinely would be interesting in dating such person, yes it will require some passion, work and a lot of effort but it's not a problem for me.

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  • I would.

    Are you sure you're not an attention seeking ho?

    You seem pretty enough. It's hard to believe you could have such a horrible life.

    Then again it only takes a few assholes.

    If you wanna chat, I'm here. I'm kinda flippant though. My coping mechanism is humor.

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    • Well appearance doesn't have anything to do with bullying as we know it's mostly caused by people who have bitter and malicious character and personality.

  • Nah, let them die on their own.

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  • no I think that would kind of be taking advantage of her in a vulnerable state. I would help her as a friend, then once she is better, maybe consider dating her if there is chemisty

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  • Yes
    Because I'd try to help that person and try to be the happiness she's looking for...

    But if whatever I do, she can't see it... or gives up trying to see a brighter day... then I might give up and move on

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  • I have dated someone with Bipolar disorder and it's something that needs to be said upfront and in the beginning.
    For the person who has it (like you), you have to make sure that you are together and stable before dating at all.

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  • I struggle with debilitating manic depression and have panic attacks myself. So I mean I could try it but we would be one sad couple. I really need someone more uplifting and cheerful to be honest.

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  • I probably wouldn't date , but I would counsel you.

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  • no, i wouldn/t

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  • I'd like to think i'd be the person who helped them deal with it.

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  • If I found out, I would like her even more because I went through the same depression and stuff.

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  • would not want to have a date under golden gate.

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  • Yeah. But I would try to help you however I could!

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  • My fiancĂ© suffers from depression and has cut herself. I saw the scars on her arm when we started dating. So yeah, I am still with her. I hope things get better for you. Life will be very different after high school. You can find your own path.

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  • Every intelligent person suffers from such, from time to time. Don't let anyone tell you different. There's no such thing as an "idiot who's gone mad". Part of growing up is learning to beat those thoughts vs letting them control you. Being young and a thinker is rough for sure. You'll be ok. Find a nice guy, as boring as they may be, and help each other deal with youth. At your age, you will have to go after him. If the "nice guy" is coming after you, its probably a player, and in your state of mind, the fall out could make everything 10xs worse.

    Good luck.

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    • Yeap, I can confirm that if a woman/girl want to be with a nice guy usually they need to go after him not the other way around. That's usually the case with a nice guys.

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