Guys, would this make you mad?

I am in the process of losing a significant amount of weight. Last time I lost a decent amount the guys that didn't want me before wanted me. But this time around I am not going to let guys that didn't want me before have a chance. It may sound stupid, but to me I will still be the same person, only the outside changed. And if they only want me for the outside why would I want that anyway?

Updates:
I don't understand why everyone thinks this about "revenge"? It's about respect for who I am as a person. And really the thing that would annoy me the most is that if I am not "good enough" when I am a big woman, but I am when I am skinnier, then what if I gained it back? Would the guy dump me? Would I constantly feel as though I am less than? It may seem petty to some of you, but if you haven't had the struggle it's somewhat difficult to understand.
Also after reading all the opinions it seems as though you feel I mean random strangers. I specifically mean men that I know and interact with now. The ones that know my personality, and that's not enough. And just to clarify as well, this motivation is not so I can get a man. I want to be happy and healthy.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • nah, that doesn't mean they didn't like who you were on the inside. Guys were probably just less likely to approach you. Attraction is important in a relationship, and so is physical attraction.
    You can get the same story with some 300 pound guy, who loses a Ton of weight and all of a sudden, he's got more women giving him attention. That's a good thing. I mean if your taking care of your body, guys will approach you, then it comes down to personality.
    -_- look its all good if a girl is banging, but if she is a complete self absorbed twit, I will stay away. Some would hit it and quit it, but that can make things very complicated

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What Guys Said 15

  • Well appearance matters to everyone to some extent, it is hard to find people that look past that, in all honestly I wouldn't be happy in your position either. Still I would look for someone who likes me for me. You just need to find the people who are the least shallow, since I believe everyone is some extent.

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  • What do you think is going to happen now when a guy you didn't know previously approaches you? Do you think it's because of your personality? No, it's because you look good; It's the same shit, you're just being bitter at this point.

    You don't understand men at all. To you personality is the utmost importance because guys SHOW their personality right out the gate to attract you. You, on the other hand, need to be attractive for a man to approach you. We are visual and we are sex motivated.

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    • I think women's attractiveness is so much more important because men are essentially charged with being the ones who must break the ice. Somebody has to make a high-risk decision based on no knowledge. We know most attempts to pursue a girl end in failure, so that's why we start to sort based on any clues we can get, which, without ever talking, is appearance.

  • make me mad, nope.

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  • Men, like women, have preferences. So it makes sense they would find you attractive now. There is nothing wrong with that. I suspect they do NOT know you and only know what they see.
    If you don't want to get to know them and vice versa, that's your choice.

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  • You can't expect a guy to want you for your personality if he does not know you. There is no doubt you will attract different kind of guys if you change your appearance drastically. It comes with the territory...

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    • I meant ones I already know...

    • Well, I don't see why I would be mad. You're losing weight for the good reasons and I am sure that if you gain it back, it's not because you wanted to. I would have no problem with you... Especially since I like chubby women.

  • Guys who only want you for your outside and not your inside aren't worth your time. The inside is what matters the most, so just keep being who you are and don't care what they think :) So no, I'm not mad, but rather proud of you!

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    • I just feel that a couple of the more womanizing guys will be a handful when I turn them down.

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    • So @DarkxAngel20, you mean to tell me that you aren't initially drawn to a woman because you find her attractive?

    • No, I like pretty women.

  • Personally I'm on the oposite end I'm REALLY skinny and i know women like fit guys so I don't blame them for not liking me. If a Girl doesn't like me for my looks thats okay becauser to be real for a second we ALL care about looks to a certain extent and if I changed my body and all of a sudden she started to like me I'd give her a chance. Becaise again I know looks matter and you can't help but to be attracted to good looking people.

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  • I know what you mean. But petty revenge is only going to hurt yourself. You be the bigger person and exclude yourself from that equation.

    How much weight are we talking about here? Was it from bigger to a bit smaller or from obese/fat to a healthy weight? If you catch my drift

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    • From pretty big, to whatever size my body naturally wants to be.

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    • I still don't understand how not ever thinking I would be good enough and giving myself a complex about eating anything to be with someone is petty. Once again I would feel that they only wanted me for my looks. If you have known someone for ten years and wanted nothing to do with them romantically even when they express interest UNTIL they lose the weight why would I not think that?

    • People are stupid and don't pay attention. I should know

      They might not have considered you because you weren't attractive to them at that particular time, but that doesn't mean they rejected your personality, it means they failed to see what really matters in people they don't find visually appealing

  • I don't really know what this is suppose to prove. You're not going to give guys that turned you down when you were heavier a chance, but how do you know that a guy that you meet when you are skinnier also wouldn't turn you down if you were heavier?

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  • I think that's noble, but most guys tend to need to catch the outside of a person to find the inside... Its like I wouldn't expect women to flirt with me if I let myself go... I wouldn't expect that cause I didn't have to work for it. I didn't have to better myself. And I think that if someone doesn't make you want to be a better person then its not the right person to be with.

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    • Here is the thing though, I haven't let myself go. I have an actual medical condition that has prevented me from losing weight and medicine only made it worse. Once I looked for natural cures they are the only thing that has helped in 12 years.

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    • So if he didn't want me if I wanted him when I was heavy, but I am skinny and he does I give him a chance. Even though I am the exact same person either way, the only difference is my size? So what that means he will leave me if I get pregnant? What if I had an accident and became disfigured? He obviously wouldn't want me then because he doesn't want me, only what I look like.

    • I'm trying to say that if you think he is like that then don't but if he has realized what he did and is trying to right the wrong than maybe think about it from his perspective. I know I'm shallow sometimes, maybe because I'm young and stupid but I know that I am wrong in what I do and I try to find someone based on the way I feel about them sexually, physically and mentally.

  • Nah, I'd get it if I was an ahole to a girl before she got hot and then when she was hot she ignored me.

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  • sounds only fair

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  • If you respond I am positive that I can open your mind RADICALLY

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    • I AM SO SERIOUS

      I went through the exact samething

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    • I really don't understand why people think I am bitter. Far from it. But if you have interacted with me for years and it took me losing 100+ lbs for you to notice me, I don't think we are right for each other.

    • That is bitterness. Most women will say that they have height requirements or weight requirements themselves and since you don't none of this applies to you. In an average situation you would be considered bitter.

  • that's neet.

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  • Good for you. I'm a bit overweight myself, and I know the frustrations. While wanting revenge is normal, I'm not sure if it is healthy mentally. But if it gets you where you need to go, then so be it. As long as you're happy. One might ask though, if you only want to give it up to people who appreciate you big, whats the need to lose it to begin with? It is ok to want and think you deserve something better, and to lose weight to get that guy you couldn't before. And in the end, I think it would make much more of a boost to self esteem than to "get back" at a bunch of dudes who would have no clue why, shrug and move on.

    Good luck.

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    • For me it's not about getting a man. It's about being happy and healthy.

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