Would you hide the girlfriend you love from female friends, crushes, and exes?

I've been with my boyfriend for a year. He loves me. No doubt about it but he has a rocky past. He is attractive so he has been able to get women without providing them with the respect and honesty needed. He has changed A LOT since we've he and I met. I love him despite of his past. We've both had a lot of learning/growing/changing experiences. I recently found out that there are women from his part some who he was sexually active with that do not know he is in a relationship. He does not say that he is in a relationship, in love, happy. I've met his family, all his close friends (women and men) but it is these part crushes/flings that have no idea about his relationship with me. I'm so confused. What does this mean? Why does he do that? He does have image issues and like I said, it has been a journey for him since he's met me. He hasn't cheated on physically but I feel emotionally cheated on.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, there's several plausible reasons behind this:

    - The people you are referring to haven't asked him

    - He feels rude telling others

    - He wants to keep you away from his past for any given reason

    - He despises his own past with these other people

    - Possibly he's moved on and feels like that will change in speaking to them about you

    etc

    In my humble opinion (IMHO), I advise you to speak with him about your trust issues in the relationship. Opening the door to communication will help alot. As you have noticed, this man hasn't cheated on you physically (which doesn't make everything else exempt); however, he is with you for a reason. That reason obviously means a lot to this man, because he has other potential dates at the ready.

    If you really feel wronged in this situation, it's acceptable to be polite and decline the advancement of the relationship. Explain how you feel (not why you feel that way) and let him know that you would like to move on to other people. This won't be easy on either of you, but it would be the best thing to correct any wrongful feelings if they cannot be resolved.

    Best regards,

    ArtistBBoy

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    • The anon poster below me has a good point; however, without opening that communication door - you will never be sure. Would your rather live in neglect or would you rather continue your life in regret?

      Neglect = Staying in the same situation

      Regret = Dumping him w/o knowing the truth

      Other = Talk to him and know for sure.

    • Show All
    • He didn't "stop all at once". When we first met we both weren't looking for something serious but we ended up falling in love. He was a player and received a lot of admiration from his fellow guy friends for that. He also has only lived in our city for a little 1.5 years and works alone so he really doesn't have any "American friends". He has his friends from home and other countries and then he has the women he met through dating and his outings before we met. He comes back soon. We'll see

    • Okay =) Best of luck to you. If I can help further let me know via a message as to what's going on when he returns and I'll provide some more advice.

What Guys Said 1

  • he wants to hide the fact he's with you so the chicks will still flirt with him and give him attention

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    • Valid point +1

    • But why? He truly is happy, loves me without a doubt in my mind. Is it really that important to feel wanted even if you are with the person you want? How important is it to get attention? It is hard for me to separate the two. I understand that it feels good to get attention and feel attractive but these are women from his past. Not women he met at the club and engaged in flirting for "that" feeling.

    • Which is why the Anon poster included this potential. I wouldn't allow an S.O. to be communicative with a previous relationship, for this reason exactly. I found that almost every person I have dated that communicates with their ex, starts to miss their old relationships emotionally which can lead to them cheating physically.

      Maybe it's innocent communication that is only a "to keep in touch" thing being as there aren't any plans to get married. It's your perception of what you want to do.

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