I Lost a Lot of Weight But Resent All the Women Who Now Find Me Attractive?

I lost 60 pounds and physically I am a completely different person. Before the weight loss, I didn’t really go out to try to find dates. I’m 25 and have never even “flirted” with a woman let alone go out or slept with one. Being overweight made me very self-conscious physically and since no females ever showed interest in me other than friendship, I never gave the effort to pursue.

Now, I’ve been fairly OK with never dating: I’ve always been a bit different than most of my friends. Having someone romantically in my life would have been nice but it was'nt a priority. But seeing as almost all of my friends are married or are in serious relationships, I thought maybe I should think about doing the whole “dating” thing. In the past, I would go out to social events with my friends. The women I interacted with hardly gave me the time of day, they simply looked me up and down and walked away. Of course I assumed it was because of my physical appearance and more than likely it was but I always thought “oh well, their loss.”

Now I go out with friends and I women come up to me and start flirting with me, quite a few of them previously wanted nothing to do with me when I was fat. So far I haven't flirted back or anything.

I feel cocky to say this, but I'm intelligent, really sweet and caring and just all around pretty easy going guy. I want to start dating, but I can’t get past the thought, “You know, this girl wouldn’t even give me the time of day if I were still fat.”

What can I do to get rid of this or work past it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your just upset with the truth is all. These women wouldn't give you the time of day not because you were fat necessarily but because they weren't physically attracted to you. In society we like to think down on physical appearance and making impressions based on looks. But the truth is its programmed into us as humans to do so. So now you have become a more attractive young man. But your still feeling sorry for the person you once were. The person you once were would have envied the who you are now and you should be happy that you have overcome something that was once holding you back. I mean you wouldn't turn down a better, well paying, fun career because they hired you based on your appearance would you ;)

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What Girls Said 6

  • I completely agree with @anshin.

    Taking it slow is smart.
    Maybe soon enough you'll find a girl who doesn't even care that much about looks or maybe had a chubby boyfriend before - this way you'd know you might've had a chance with her before as well?
    It's all about confidence from now on.

    Maybe the best thing to do is to try to lose your inhibitions and not think about any of that at all?

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  • You felt that women looked down on you when you were fat and its totally normal. Today's dating norm, is all about the looks. People wouldn't try to get to know you more if your physical attributes didn't match their standards. Sad reality. I guess, take it slow. Let these women flirt with you and just go with the flow. Eventually, when you find a girl you like, you'll get over with it.

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  • Think about like this would you want a partner who is fat. I would not date a man who was fat and I use to be 210 lbs. Being fat can give the impression that the person is lazy and unhealthy, which are undesirable traits. There is a difference to being shallow and having preferences.

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    • Actually I think there is a fine line between being shallow and so-called preferences.

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    • @asker most people don't find fat people attractive it does not make them shallow or a bad person. An example of someone being shallow is when a girl is 5'1" and turns down a guy for being under 6'0" when he is 5'10". You should be happy about getting female attention stop dwelling on the past.

    • Well I'm not dating any of these women, despite their advances I haven't given them the time of day, just like they did with me a year ago. Call it harsh if you like but maybe it might teach them a lesson.

  • you can't be thinking that negative about all girls... and it may be true hay they wouldn't have talked to you if you were still fat but you're not that guy anore. have confidence in the guy you are now and own the fact that now you're hot and love the attention you're getting

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    • The thing is I think it just shows how fake and materialistic some girls are (I'm not saying all girls are like this, just the ones I've met so far). I'm the same person personality wise just a little thinner, yet all they do is see the fact I'm no longer "big".

  • I would be the same way too. I've lost a fair amount of weight and now men who never given me the time of day our banging on my doorsteps. Screw them.

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  • Pretty much everyone who was fat and got fit goes through this. I would say just try to realize that people probably still appreciate those qualities about who you are and your personality, but attraction does play a significant part in dating, and you just opened up your options to more people looking at you romantically now that you're in shape.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Confine your negative attitude to those women who have previously rejected you. Give all women you meet in the future the benefit of the doubt. Don't make them responsible for the actions of others. It's not fair to them AND more importantly, it's not fair to you.

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    • The thing is unfortunately the ones who seem interested in me are the ones who rejected me a year ago.

    • You need to surround yourself with new people then. Perhaps you should move.

    • Believe me if I could afford it right now I would move man.

  • You lost weight for a reason - think about what that was. Now you're getting the attention you didn't before.

    You made the effort to become more attractive, don't resent the extra attention. These girls don't deserve a negative or indifferent reaction because of whatever problems you're churning around inside your head.

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  • Congratulations on your weight loss! I went from 400 pounds to 175 pounds. If anyone understands, I do. There isn't anything that can be done about that kind of discrimination. It sucks, too. Just try to remember that the new you isn't the same as the old you. You've got to love him first.

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    • Thanks so much!

    • Congrats on yours as well. That is quite an achievement :-)

    • Thank you. I had surgery in May of 2012 with a top weight of 402 pounds. By May of 2013, my weight was 220, and by May of the following year, it stabilized at 175 pounds. It was worth it, though. I feel a ton better than I did, and my health conditions vanished. Now if I could just get a date, life would be good. :P

  • I can understand you feeling this way if it were the same girls who had previously rejected you. But not all girls know that you used to be obese. So you can't get mad at all of them for it.

    You're a much different person now. So your mindset needs to be different too. Don't get hung up in the past.

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  • Surround yourself with new people. It hurts to be rejected and the fact they didn't even give to time day in the way you described would hurt even more. This even shows how they are as people. To be honest, I don't think they are even really attracted to you specifically because even you were fat before there would been at least some sparks before so those same women raise huge alarm bells.

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  • Same with me who was a late bloomer physically. When I was 16-18 no girls were interested in me, now at 19 it has gotten much much better for me. But go for them, a fat guy is a turn off for girls and vice versa !

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  • I know that feeling. I used to be the uncoolest guy on the planet. Then I started performing music on stage and the same women that never even looked at me now wanted to date me.

    Just start dating. Talk to them, get to know and understand these girls. Give it time. The feeling will fade away.

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  • Have you ever herd the quote, the best revenge is to life a good life. Well. That quote applies to you. Yeah before girls were never giving you a chance oh well. But now they are so get out there and fucklots of those bitches. Now thalt you good looking try to get as many as you can to make up for the lost time. But above all, forget how these girls were before. Holding grudges holds you back.

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  • Okay soo you fixed your physical portion of your life, gratis to you. Now work in your mental health

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  • Your capitalisation confuses me.

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  • Dude congratulations :) not many people can achieve what you did! I hope you find the right girl, they're mostly wrong nowadays :P lol jk

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