How do I talk to my boyfriend about this?

My boyfriend and I are both 19. In the fall I will be starting school at a local university. I have big goals for my education and plan on doing a lot of travelling over the next few years. My boyfriend is very smart and says he wants to get his degree but doesn't seem that dedicated to making school a priority. He will be attending a community college this fall. I feel as thought my ambitions and goals are much greater than my boyfriend's and that we are going on separate paths. My parents have instilled a great work ethic in me while my boyfriends parents work low paying jobs and have never really encouraged or motivated him. I love him a lot and want to talk abot this to him because I would hate to lose him. How do I bring this up to him without him getting defensive or angry?


0|0
1|4

Most Helpful Guy

  • ah... that's a hard one.
    I am faced with kind of the same thing- same age, both in college- but my girlfriend is an elementary education major and she doesn't care as much about school, whereas I'm a lot more gung ho about studying and stuff.
    I think you should just casually bring it up- talk about the future and stuff and what his plans are for it. Talk about studying/majoring and see what he says.
    With my girlfriend: we both agreed that school is important- just that she doesn't have to do as much *shrugs*. It is what it is.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 3

  • The reason he will be defensive or angry would be that; when you bring this issue about your ambition is higher than him implies that he is lower than you. AVOID at all cost saying anything that implies him of being inferior.
    Instead tell him what you fear will come to your relationship when both of you choose different path. Something along this line.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Well he's motivated enough too go the post secondary, so that's a start. Bring up the subject lightly. Ask him you'll support him all the way through, and hopefully he will feel the same way. Communication is key, one way or another, you're going too have this conversation with him. Has he told you what his main priority is if it isn't school? Ask him and go from there as a starter.

    1|0
    0|0
    • He has been working full time right since graduating to help out his family financially; that seems to be his priority from previous conversations :/

    • That's good! A family man is always good. I'm sure the more you talk about it, the more he'll want too succeed and do well. For you and his family. He sounds like a great guy and I wish you two the best of luck.

  • You can't. If you start talking about motivation, goals and work ethic it sounds like "you're not good enough" and a pile of nagging.

    Honestly it does sound like you two are on separate paths and this will probably kill your relationship. But take heart! You're young still, you'll love a few more guys in your time I'm sure. ;)

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

  • You cannot force him to become more motivated. There is no way to make him do that.
    Odds are that he's going to get defensive or angry, no matter what. If you cannot tolerate the way he wants to live his life, then you should better break-up, instead of torturing yourself.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...