In the early stages is it better to compliment or subtly insult a girl?

Complimenting her might make her think she's better than she is, or elevate self esteem anyway and increase the chance that she thinks she's above my league. Whereas subtly insulting should have the opposite effect, and provided it's subtle it should improve my chances, right?

  • It's best to compliment
    71% (12)50% (3)65% (15)Vote
  • It's best subtly insult
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  • Do both, but insult her in net
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  • Do both, but compliment her in net
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  • Insult her blatantly
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  • Be completely neutral, don't reveal an opinion of her
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  • See answers
    11% (2)16% (1)13% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Or for instance would saying "I actually like thicker thighs" or "I'm one of those guys who loves bushy eyebrows" hep to insult her will showing that I like her?
*help *while

Any other opinions? Girls it'd be good if you could say something.

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Most Helpful Girl

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    • Do you disagree that complimenting her might give her the self esteem/confidence to go after that better looking or taller guy she fancies?

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    • Do you think it's best not to express to strong an opinion of what I think of her then?

    • (I think you overlooked that I never said insulting was the way to go, I was asking what is best to do.)

Most Helpful Guy

  • I say don't date her so she can find someone better.

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    • The point of insulting her is so she doesn't look for someone better, if I compliment her and let her know hoe perfect she seems to me she might get it into her that she can get someone better than she really can.

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    • The fact that this conversation is a thing makes me need a drink..

    • @awesome_possum drink responsibly and safely!

      I feel like I need one as well...

What Girls Said 8

  • Yes. Subtly insulting a girl will pique her interest in you.
    (... If you're 5 years old.)
    thelearnedfangirl.com/.../...7yXm1rqfhi2o1_500.gif

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    • If I compliment her too much won't she be inclined to think she's better than me, or more appealing than she'd thought she was, and be inclined to go off chasing after some tall/rich guy?

    • You're overthinking this. If you're nice to her, she'll be cool with you. If she thinks she's better than you and chases other guys as a result after you compliment her 'too much', wouldn't you rather be without her anyway?

    • "wouldn't you rather be without her anyway?"

      Sure she'd be non-ideal because of that, but I'd prefer being with such a girl over being alone.

  • If you want to be friend zoned or cut out of her life or be the cause of her suicide then you go right ahead and "subtly insult" her all you want.

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    • Did you see the update? I'm thinking in a way that shows I like her but that won't make her too self confident. Don't you think there's a risk of her going after a taller/richer guy if I give her too much praise? How would that get me "friend zoned"? Friends don't insult each other, not seriously anyway.

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    • Sell yourself by sharing your interests, voice your opinions on social issues/topics, share your hobbies, show her you're interested in what she has to say, ask her questions about herself and her views on things - that's how you sell yourself. Not going, "I'm a 4.0 student, I was captain of the soccer team, I blah blah blah..."

    • Well I do do those things then.

  • "Negging" is bullshit and all it's gonna land you if it DOES work is an extremely insecure woman. I think it is awful that guys think it's OK to manipulate a woman's self esteem and emotions like that. It's not OK.

    You say that being nice hasn't been working for you. OK, so try to figure out what it is about YOU that turns women off.. Maybe it comes down to approaching the wrong women. See, for most of us it's not about "finding someone taller/richer/hotter/better" - it's about finding someone we click with. We are attracted to men who engage us AS PEOPLE. Men who have interesting stories to share, who are interested in hearing our stories, who have similar or interesting opinions on topics, who have similar or interesting hobbies...

    Any woman with any self esteem can smell your type a mile away - the guy who's playing a numbers game and just trying the same off-the-shelf lines and strategies on every passibly pretty woman in sight. Instead of trying the "being nice" strategy, or the "negging" strategy, why not try TREATING US LIKE INDIVIDUAL FUCKING PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIFFERENT INTERESTS AND LIKES AND DISLIKES? When you do that, you're not going to click with every woman you approach, but you'll at least have a fighting chance of eventually finding one who you find interesting and who finds you interesting. Isn't that a much nicer find than just some random woman with a pretty face with whom you have nothing in common?

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    • "why not try TREATING US LIKE INDIVIDUAL FUCKING PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIFFERENT INTERESTS AND LIKES AND DISLIKES? "

      That is what I've been doing.

  • I think ur looking way too deep into this. U ARE right though... u DONT have to shower her with praises all the time but why would u think insulting her is gonna increase ur chances? It might backfire. Just be yourself & let things develop naturally. But if ur still with this whole "insult" thing why dont u try to tease her
    instead?

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    • That's why I thought subtly insulting them would be good, it should lower her self worth so she's more likely to see me as a good catch or within her league. By being subtle it'd hopefully not turn her against me.

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    • So far I haven't done either because I've never felt it appropriate to compliment early on in while dating, I thought that would make it seem like I'm interested in her just for her body.

      "I bet you'll be fine just letting things flow." It's hardly working for me.

    • It might not be working for u right now but I highly doubt insulting her is gonna increase ur chances either. Either there's some other factor (s) thats making u a bit unsuccessful in the dating world or u just haven't met the right person yet. It's all about experience, the actual individual, & timing. Not tips & tricks. There's no "one size fits all" advice when it comes to finding the right person. Trials & errors is more like it.

  • Never ever neg someone you're interested in. That's awful. Are you more interested in a woman who insults you or do you just think she's a bitch? Exactly - you like people who flatter you more. Seriously.

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  • Insulting me would make me think you're a jerk & therefore you would have no chance.

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    • Jerks have no chance?

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    • Those are actually true though.

    • It doesn't matter lol

  • My, aren't you the charmer.

    Good luck with that.

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    • Did you see the update? It be something like saying "actually I think your tummy is cute".

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    • He was already my boyfriend when he started acting like a child. If he had started talking to me like that beforehand I wouldn't have given him the time of day. Nobody with self-respect would, and nobody worth dating would talk to another person like that.

    • You're playing a dangerous game if you "try it". You have no idea how awful it feels to hear someone say stuff like that and think it's okay, and have no idea how much damage it can cause. It's not up to you to define an insult as "subtle". An insult is an insult. End of story.

      You don't want to be alone? Buy a damn goldfish.

  • EW. Negging is AWFUL. Don't do it. Fuck off while you're at it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • It depends on what other guys have said about her

    If she constantly gets compliments, it's best to not acknowledge her appearance. Just critique (and in some cases, criticize)

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  • Stop reading PUA, it's poisoning your mind.

    smfh

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    • I haven't read any PUA, this is from HIMYM.

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