Do a expect too little from my partners because I have low self esteem? Is this why I always end up being taken for granted?

Growing up I was always a big girl but in the past few years I've lost a lot of weight and started paying attention to how I look (doing my hair, brows, make up etc.) I'm not what you'd call model pretty but I do get a fair bit of attention and do get complmented regularly (which still makes me uncomfrtable). I however, still feel like the overweight plain girl I used to be and feel like I am undeserving of attention from men at all let alone those who I find to be attractive, successful or popular. I feel like I'm a fake or I think they're seeing me for something I'm not and that's why they're interested.
Anyway because of this feeling I find myself settling for partners with some major flaws; an ex who cheated on and constantly put me down, a guy I dated who was unemployed, had no lisence and wasn't consisent in the way he treated me. I treat all the men I date really nicely and as far as looks go I'm not judgmental but I feel like I overlook too much in regards to allowing them to take me for granted or what they have to offer me.
I guess I'm torn between being too picky and turning down a nice guy for some "flaw/s" and knocking back a guy who isn't right for me or isn't able to offer me what I want.

I have a great job, a great social life and am doing pretty well for myself but I just can't shake the feeling that I don't deserve the same in a partner.
How does one know their worth? or what they deserve?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Here is the way I see this one... first off you are on the right path by not only wanting to make changes but actually following through with it. You have changed the outside appearance but you haven't changed your inside appearance. Let me explain... first off your mind still says that you are overweight when you clearly are not. The reason why I say this is because you are being recognized by more guys and complimented. So you are on the right path but now we have to deal with how you feel about yourself. Yes you may have low self esteem but with work this can be fixed. First off you have to be proud of yourself for wanting to change and following through with that. You have to realize that you have come along way already. You need to accept these compliments as positive and see that you are a new and improved person. Right now you are only attracting the ones that you may not see yourself with or you are taken for granted because you dont love yourself yet. So you are attracting people who you feel you deserve and settling for much less than you want. When you settle for less than you want you can't be happy, but at the same time you can't love someone else if you dont love yourself first. So take the time to find your self worth, keep on the right path if you want to lose weight and just realize you are doing a great job! You should be proud of yourself. When you figure out how to love yourself again then you will find that special guy who will love you for you and not that you have made changes and now might find you attractive. Be proud of yourself, keep your head up and realize that once you love yourself your heart will then be open to loving someone else as much as you love yourself. You are on the right path! Never give up! I only wish you the best! Good luck!

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What Girls Said 1

  • If you re-read what you've written it already sounds like you are at least beginning to understand that you deserve much better than you've been dating. That's a recognition right there in your own self worth. I can relate to you in that having once been overweight, I assumed I wasn't worth a guys time, but with the weight loss came more self confidence in seeing that I wasn't just someone to be pitied, but someone who deserved to be loved and to give love equally to a partner who wanted the same. If I were you, I would start by making a list of your good qualities and what you give back to the world and in a partnership. I bet you a lot of this is what you want back. It's not being picky, its realizing that you deserve good things and to be treated as well as you treat others. Simple questions, like do I think I deserve to be cheated on by someone... no... then move on. Next person.

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    • Thanks for the great advice and I'm working on that list, think it's helping me get my head around the whole what I deserve thing :)

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