Drunk cheating! Tell or no?

Ok, so my boyfriend is in jail one year mandatory. Been dating him for 3 years and love him very much. The thought of cheating on him never even has occurred to me and I told him that I was willing to wait for him.

Anyways, it's been half a year now. I do go to bars with guy friends and my boyfriend knows about it. He always tells me to be careful because he gets worried that I'd get taken advantage of... I always laughed about it because I never thought it'd happen to me.

but that's exactly what happened to me.

I went to the bar with this one friend (I haven't known him for long but I felt comfortable around him) and I got trashed. Didn't mean to... I usually drink beer and can handle myself. This particular night I ended up drinking whiskey and was pounding them like beers (big mistake). I remember blacking out and when I came to I was at my friend's house and I remember him trying to give me food and water to help me out. Then another blackout. But this time I when I came to, we were having sex. I freaked out and starting screaming stop, no! He stopped and tried to calm me down. When I asked him how the sex even started, he said that I came on to him first by kissing him? But I seriously don't freaking remember!!!
My boyfriend made it super clear to me that he'd leave me if he ever found out that I cheated/if I ever told him I cheated. No second chances. This sucks cause I didn't have any desire to cheat and I don't want to lose my boyfriend over something I can barely remember. What would you do? Tell him? Or just pretend that nothing happened?

  • Tell and lose him forever
    65% (11)92% (11)76% (22)Vote
  • Pretend that it never happened
    35% (6)8% (1)24% (7)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is an even more sinister side to this episode. If you were drunk, you may not have been in a fit state to consent to sex. It can be questioned as to whether he raped you. It may be he's using the classic excuse "She came on to me". That was probably bullshit!!

    This is why I try to bemember to tell girls on here to watch for spiked drinks, not to consume too much alcohol, to stay away from drugs. I don't want them to do anything they will regret for years to come.

    This is where you are now. You've got into a scenario where you have allowed something to happen, even if it was the guy's fault, that just cannot be put right.

    Only you know how your boyfriend will react. Will he consider you raped and be sympathetic? Will he be angry and violent towards you? will he just dump you?

    Is it likely he will find out from someone else? If not, I think the best thing to do is to stay very quiet. You have to live with what happened. That is enough. You don't want to risk any further scars. Stay quiet and hope, put it down to an experience never to be repeated.

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    • He would just dump me. For sure. And thanks for understanding my post. I never thought I'd be in a scary scenario like that and it happened. I feel stupid for not being super careful. But no, I know he would never find out. This particular friend is someone that is out of both of our friend circle

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    • The big problem, much wider than this, is that there are girls out there who could read this and say, "It'll never happen to me!!" Famous last words...

    • Thanks. But they do say ignorance is bliss. And yeah, bad things happen when it's least unexpected I guess.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe your desires and surprised sexual need that you've had to control for so long since your boyfriend is in jail has arisen because of the alcohol. The alcohol took over and let the desire get the better of you or made you confuse that guy with you is your boyfriend. Anyway, it's your friends fault for going along with it if he knew you were drunk and yours too for pounding whisky like that. You have to come clean to your boyfriend and promise never to go drinking with the guys again or be in any state around men or even women that can make you vulnerable. Be honest with him.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I can't vote A or B... it sounds like the guy took advantage of you... when you say when you cam to, you were having sex... were you on top or was he... had you actually passed out beforehand? In which case, I would say that he was sexually assaulting you with out consent...

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  • Tell him. You'd feel guilty being with him for years knowing that because every day would be a lie. Every time he ever did something nice for you in the future would make you feel terrible because you know you are keeping something this serious from him that he has a right to know. You made the decision to drink and you have to face the responsibility. Tell him.

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    • Thanks for your answer

  • You cheated. Tell him. You have to deal with the consequences. Sure, you say you didn't mean it, but you did it, it happen, you have to be an adult now and deal with the consequences.

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    • What he said^ you can't act like it wasn't your fault.

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    • True, he can be lying, but you'll never know for sure.

    • yeah and it sucks

  • You have to be honest and hope he forgives you, especially the way you explained it but damn... thats sad.

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  • He's in prison anyway. You can do better than that.

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    • Eh, jail and prison isn't exactly the same but I still made the decision to wait. That wasn't something I wanted an opinion on :/ but thanks

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    • I'm guessing he did though right?

    • Nope. But that's really not the point of the post here.

  • Ya have to tell him.
    let the chips fall where they may.

    But hiding shit can do just as much damage as cheating can

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    • Thanks for your answer

  • If you love him, you would tell him

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    • Also to add on to that, he will find out sooner or later one way or another. Just think if you had been in his position.. You would want to know and if he doesn't tell you, that could be many years of your life wasted. Don't be cruel, we all get only one life, tell him and face the consequences. If my girlfriend hid something like this from me and I found out later on, I would go absolutely mental

  • Lmao at these Wk and sloots opinions on here

    Sloots gonna sloot

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What Girls Said 5

  • Everyone is saying "tell him, tell him" but I disagree!
    It is something rather borderline sexual assault what happened to you. You might have lead the guy on, you might not have and he is just saying that.
    There is no clear picture of what really happened and telling your boyfriend about this is not going to change anything for the better.

    I say, this "episode" is one you will have to keep to yourself.

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  • This is tricky.

    You were taken advantage of while you were drunk. When you came to you stopped your friend from continuing. Technically it isn't cheating in a situation as this because you had no power to consent. With this said I say don't tell him.

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  • you should tell him about it

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    • Thanks for your answer

  • Ok, so my boyfriend is in jail one year mandatory

    i read the first sentence and think you should leave him.

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    • Yeah but I wasn't asking anyone's opinion about that :/

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    • Thanks for your answer. I've thought about dealing with the guilt as my punishment. That alone is better than dealing with both the guilt and losing him.

    • you're welcome, good luck.

  • Don't tell him because you don't remember. How can you even be 100% sure about what happened if you don't remember? So don't tell him.

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    • That's how I was feeling but I needed an opinion. Thanks

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