He broke up with me because he said I was "too insecure"?

Is this an okay reason to dump someone? I liked him so much. I can't say I loved him but he was great! We dated for four months until he said that he couldn't keep dating me because of this. I wasn't really heart broken because we were mostly just friends but I'm feeling like crap because I've always been insecure about myself. And I always tried putting him first as well. What do I do to change myself or get him back?

Updates:
Well I just never wanted to FaceTime or send pictures of myself

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends. Sometimes a person's insecurity is toxic or too much to deal with. So, yes it can be a legitimate reason to break up. However, if he broke up with you because some other reason and disguised it as you being 'too insecure' then he's asshole. Either way, move on.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sometimes people can't handle other peoples insecurities, it depends if it was a main issue that was always brought up in your relationship. I use to date this guy who was insecure but at the same time always just wanted me to say positive things to him and reassure him overtime it got too much, and I didn't feel like I could be with them because he thought I could do better, didn't think he deserved me etc. So it can be tiresome yes. How you could change yourself? It's a work in progress already because you want to, you also have to fake it till it's real, act confident and you will be. Know yourself worth and that you deserve the world.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Insecure people cause a lot of relationship problems. And sometimes when they do get offended they overkill the other person.

    Also they can't created this challenge for their partners to like them a lot

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  • I think leaving someone because they have to many insecurities is a valid reason

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  • Very great reason actually. Learn to accept yourself and your body.

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    • Okay thanks for replying, I'll try

  • Yeah that's a big problem in my book.

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  • Yes it's a legitimate reason.

    Everyone has a bit of insecurity and it's okay but some people constantly look for compliments and whenever the guy compliments her, she never believes him and starts asking the same thing a day later.

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    • That's not my case haha, I don't do that

    • Show All
    • I admitted to being insecure already. I'm asking for how I can change and if it's a good reason to break up with me.

    • It's not going to happen overnight. You'd need to learn who to be comfortable with yourself before you get in a relationship. So if I'm being honest he won't take you back because he'll know you haven't really changed.

What Girls Said 4

  • I think that it's an okay reason to dump someone. If someone's so insecure that it affects your relationship and put stress on you, then you should feel free to get out of the relationship. Try improving your confidence, but be aware that he might not want to be with you again.

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  • He blames you for the break up? No it's not an okay reason to break up with someone. Maybe the two of you just didn't match but when he says that YOU are too insecure, that's just unacceptable. I've heard this before when I was dumped by a jerk. Don't change to get him back because if he really liked you this wouldn't matter. Work on yourself for no one else but yourself.

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  • Yes, that's definitely a legit reason to break up with someone. It can be very draining to be with an insecure person, depending on how severe their insecurity is.

    I don't know how you acted in the relationship or how your insecurities work/what you do when you feel insecure. So I'm not saying that this is how you behaved. But I'll try to explain a few things that makes dating an insecure person exhausting.

    A lot of insecure people pick fights over nothing. They'll try to see problems where there are none. They see every kind of compliment or praise as a lie, and aren't afraid of pointing it out when they receive it. They complain, usually about stuff that nobody else would even notice or care about. They will misunderstand almost everything as something negative, they over analyze conversations and situations to the point where they freak out (again, usually over nothing). They can be difficult to talk to since they don't know how to properly express the issues they're going through without either being evasive, or by being a complete martyr. They tend to say horrible things about themselves, and it can be very tiring to constantly reassure them of the fact that they're wrong and that they shouldn't feel that way. The insecurity might also take form in them being overly weak and silent, a pushover. They agree on everything, even if it goes against their true opinion, because they want to avoid conflict at all costs. They refuse to talk about serious stuff because, again, they want to avoid conflict at all costs. Even if their relationship is on the line, they would still prefer to sweep everything under the rug and act as if everything is ok. They overachieve a lot in relationships, which might make them seem extremely desperate and clingy. Or, they do the exact opposite, and are too insecure to show any emotions or signs of affection, which can make their partner feel unloved. I. e. they hold back too much, but then expect their partner to shower them with love in order to get the validation they need without freaking out all the time.

    And so on. Insecurities are different depending on each person so it's difficult to define. Each person reacts to their insecurities in different ways, some more drastically than others. I know how hard it can be, I've struggled a lot with insecurities in the past and still do today. Remember that a partner is supposed to support you, yes, but they're not a trash can that you can throw all your shit in.

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  • It is very obvious about what you should change... Become confident.

    But are you sure you want him back though... He should be patient and help you see that you should be proud of yourself, instead of leaving you... if he wanted things to be different...

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