My best friend (14) is in an online relationship with a 28 year old ! Help?

So recently she told me over the phone super excited she said "hey so I met this guy! He's so so sweet and blah blah blah we're dating online" so then I was like "oh that's great ! I'm so happy for you" she told me that they FaceTime , text 24/7, and they both engage in dirty chats with each other. But JUSY YESTERDAY I found out that he is 28 FREAKING YEARS OLD!! I told her that was NOT OKAY. But she says there's nothing wrong with it because he's not hurting her or touching her. She says he makes her happy. Should I
a) STAY OUY OF IT
b) continue to get her to understand this is not very normal

or am I wrong? Please help, I don't dot want her to get hurt


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I honestly think you should get in touch with her parents or just tell her not to talk about it with you at all.

    But I seriously suggest telling your parents or somehow getting in touch with her parents. Nothing good can come of this. If the guy doesn't have the decency to date an adult then he's clearly bad news.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been friends with someone who was 32 when I was 14. Nothing ever happened sexually. I know someone who was 15 dating a 30 year old. They didn't have sex til she (the 15 year old) graduated high school.

    As long as you tell her that if she and he ever had sex (underage sex) he will go to jail, it should be fine. Regardless of either of their feelings, it IS illegal. Tell her that if they truly love someone, they can wait for each other.

    Hell, I'm 21 and have fooled around but I'm still a virgin so I cannot honestly say that their relationship is completely wrong...

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What Guys Said 14

  • well if you don't feel comfortable telling her parents which is understandable I would just try to reiterate that this relationship is not really ok. tell her you love her as a friend and support her as a person but cannot and will not support the relationship

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    • but if you can somehow tell the parents without it coming back to you (which I guess would be difficult to accomplish) that would really be best because her parents need to know as this is a relationship that can be dangerous for their daughter

  • I would really like someone to tell me why this is wrong. Nothing illegal is done. As long as no pictures or any touching is involved. What wrong is done? If there is no harm done, why shouldn't it be? I mean, yeah, it feels weird to me too, but is the weirdness feeling enough in and of itself to warrant stopping 2 people who seem to enjoy it?

    Some men in the middle east think that a woman showing her ankle should be punished. It feels weird to them to see ankles. Does it warrant that the woman be punished?

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    • This is beyond strange, it's WRONG. She's a child and he's almost THIRTY. Do you know how many grown men prey online? These kids know nothing about what they are getting themselves into, and pedophiles take advantage. Young girls die from things like this. Raped and found dead in the back of cars. It's not a joke or something to be simplified. Shame on your for making light of something so disgusting.

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    • @HollyK21
      Hehehe I am not trying to soften it. I am not ok with. I am trying to understand why. I am, yes, trying to simplify the situation. To remove everything that is not relevant. You are absolutely correct that I wouldn't be ok with it were I the parent. But when I have feelings like that, I want to be able to understand them and not just react to baseless fear.
      You say this isn't a lab experiment. True, but why can't it be? It is not in the situation of the original question, but I don't see why I couldn't suggest a thought experiment. You say I can't remove the dangers. I absolutely can in my thought experiment. I cannot try to backup anything of what I said because I really didn't say anything. I asked questions. I never said: "Yep, everything's ok, This girl can and should mingle with that guy". I wondered why it still feels weird when nothing is, strictly speaking, illegal.

      I appreciate that you took the time to participate though. You didn't stop after your first reply...

    • I see. Well, your thought experiment would be a whole different discussion, one in which I'll kindly skip partaking in. I have only responded as I have in regards to the actual situation at hand. Now that said topic is no longer being discussed between us, I'll remove myself. This was definitely an interesting discussion. Have a nice night.

  • It annoys me how girls do shit like this, Then have the tenacity to say bulshit like ''Why the fuck do guys only like young girls ?''...

    Tell that fucking stupid idiot friend of yours to stop being a horny little fuck and get a sense of fucking reality.

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    • Don't be a jerk. This man is a predator, luring on a CHILD.

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    • @sexyphil , there is a good chance the asker is on about an American girl, So, It would be statuatory rape in their country.

    • I totally agree I'm not sure of how the law goes over there but I'll take your word for it

  • A younger naive lionesses getting taken advantage of huh i see 😋
    Good tactics by the lion by targeting an easier vulnerable target 😘

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  • well as long as there is no physical contact i guess its fine. Still its creepy and you should probably tell her parents so that they can tell the 28 year old to fuck off and that he's coming dangerously close to being a pedophile.

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  • If i were you, i would first tell her that she needs to stop because its dangerous and he might find out where she lives. And if she doesn't listen, then inform her parents.

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  • Thats called grooming and someone needs to be told. what country are they in if its UK the Age of Consent is 16 if USA then mostly it is 18 so she is still way off. Tell someone or at least warn her that if they do meet up then he has a go to jail card for that

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  • Make her understand it's not normal, it's practically being a pedophile when he is talking to her in that way , he may go as far as trying to meet her

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  • You should try to convince her to stop talking to him. 28 year olds don't date 14 year old girls unless they are a pedophile so he is definitely not someone she should be talking to

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  • Chris Hansen

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  • If you don't wanna tell her parents, try to get her to see that this ain't ok

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  • Get her away from that pedophile on the double. Try to get some hard evidence that will stand up in court and call the cops.

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  • You need to tell an adult you trust... or contact the authorities IMMEDIATELY!!! This is SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!

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  • And how old are you?

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    • 14 too she's my best friend

    • And do you agree with this relationship?

What Girls Said 13

  • Please tell her parents. I know you wouldn't want her to be mad at you, but this is dangerous. She is a essentially a child, barely a teen, talking to an almost 39 year old man. He's a pedophile, and needs to stay away from her.

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  • Okay sweetie, first of all. You are 100% correct to be scared for her. Girls get raped, abused, and taken advantage of a lot more commonly then people think. This is NOT okay. And good for you, being able to tell this is wrong. You need to tell your parents! What if she meets this guy? What if she goes missing? This is very serious and is also illegal. Your parents need to phone the police. I know it seems hard at your age to betray a friend like that, but when your older you'll be glad you did!

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  • you can do your best to try and help her see that its not ok... but at the end of the day its her decisiion. just try and keep her safe from meeting him or whatever.
    and if she ends up getting hurt be there for her.

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  • I don't know where you're from but in most places this is wrong. And why it's wrong is because of intent. She has already called this an "online relationship" and that they talk dirty. There is some sexual exchange going on, even if it's online. So with that said, this isn't okay to me.

    In many places, sitting on this information while you are in the know with it is also illegal. So if you had information you were withholding, you could be held responsible.

    My advice is talk to YOUR parents about what to do. Maybe they can even get you off the hook and they could be the ones talking to hers instead. That way it's off your back. But someone has to know about this and get it to stop. Someone could be in a lot of trouble here if it sits, and one of those people could be you for knowing all along and doing nothing.

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    • CAN YOU NOT SEE ME LOOKING FOR HELP? your making me feel like she's going to fucking die because of me! Jesus Christ I'm going to do something. I'm looking at all the responses and debating on what to do

    • You don't have to scream. One of your "questions" within your question is:
      "a) STAY OUY OF IT
      b) continue to get her to understand this is not very normal"
      So NO, neither one of these is okay. Don't stay out of it, and don't sit by and just get her to understand it. I believe my advice in my response is to talk to YOUR parents, because somehow, her parents will need to know.

      If you tell her any of this, she's just going to delete all her information about the guy and deny there even is a guy.

    • Oh well I'm sorry

  • You're absolutely not wrong, not long ago I was in a relationship with a 28 year old man, here's the thing I'm 21. There should be no reason why a 28 year old should have ANY interest in your friend whose 14 whatso ever, they're completely in different stages in life and it's extremely disturbing. Especially because they're engaging in sexual chats, that's even more disturbing, please if she doesn't stop, think about getting other people involved because he sounds like a sexual predator.

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  • Get her out of it. A normal 28 year old doesn't want anything out of a 14 year old, especially not over the internet. Act now, before it's too late.

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  • Ok 14 is young. But when I was myself 15 years old I had met, face to face though, a guy 26 years old, with whom we kept talking online since he lived at another town. And he turned out to offer me great feelings and generally evolve me on the whole. But I will advise you to try and talk her out of it, because I'm imagining this is not at all a similar situation to mine...

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    • Why can't it be similar? They may actually have something real but I don't think it will ever seen okay to anyone. Yes age is just a # to some people.. But this is just not okay in my opinion

    • Because I knew the guy!!! for all she knows, he can be a sick old pervert!! Whereas I had actually met mine a year before and after that I had lived in a summer camp with him, as well as other people, for like a week which is a lot of time since you're always together. And at first he never had the intention of showing affection or something. But then things just went their way. So it is different. And I was like 17 -18 when he was 28 and we started talking more sexually (yeah sorry wrong calculations before) and believe it or not it's a thin line between pedophilia and just an age gap. For pedophiles a girl over 15 is like a woman. So they're not interested. But if she is 14 she's still a little girl!!

  • Well, I don't like underestimating people my age but if she's immature enough to date a 28-years-old guy online I think you should talk to her about that. Or better yet, talk to the guy. He's twice her age

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  • You need to tell her parents so they can take care of it.
    if all else fails, go to the police. :/

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  • Tell her parents

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  • Try to nicely convince her that it's not okay. I hope she listens to you, lol.

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  • Talk to her and if you can't convince her then mention it to her parents.

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  • Mesg me and I'll give u some advise

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