Normal to only see new boyfriend once a week?

I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 weeks, official and exclusive for 2 weeks. He has a very busy schedule and works three to four 12 hour shifts in a row (he's a paramedic) with two to three days off following. He also works 3rd shift, so 7/7:30pm to around 7/8am, so he typically sleeps til anywhere from 4 - 6 in the evening. He also has a lot of friends that he tries to squeeze in along with needing a day that's totally to himself to play video games and watch movies. So it seems like I'm only seeing him once a week. When we were first dating I was seeing him more but the past couple weeks it seems like it's decreased. He told me that he has trouble seeing his friends and accidentally "double books" people as he calls it. He's very hesitant and cynical and hesitant about love and says he's "emotionally retarded" and needs to take things very slowly and has a hard time getting attached to someone now. He has been burned fairly badly by two women, one who was his fiancée and cheated on him after 5 years and the other was a girl who he told he loved after 6 months and she left him the very next day. He hasn't been in a relationship since (two years ago) because he said he needed time. So I'm trying to be understanding and I feel like as we get closer, it'll get better, but I just wanted opinions. But for example, he has today off but it's just "his" day.

Updates:
Just to clarify, due to his schedule he doesn't usually even wake up on his days off until 4 - 6pm so it makes it harder

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Most Helpful Guy

  • i think it sounds like he is very stressed and busy. It is important not to dump your friends for a new partner, so kudos to him. However, I doubt this will work out long term. It sounds like you want more attention and time together, which is fine, people have all kinds of different expectations in dating.

    I had a similar problem with a girl. I was no paramedic, but I was working two jobs, 60h a week for a year. I only ever had one full day off a week and I usually wanted it to myself to. As you described, this girl was also upset by this and saw it as me not wanting to see her. I just spend most of my life around other people, you need time to yourself, you don't realize it, but I am sure you get plenty of 'me' time, so it can sound weird when people have to make time for it, but it happens. I eventually ended up breaking up with her because I was unable to give her what she wanted and was tired of feeling guilty for wanting my day off to myself, or seeing friends when I could.

    I know it sounds rough, but I highly recommend you at least think about if you are willing to keep dating someone and feel the way you do, because his schedule won't lessen anytime soon and you are still going to want the same amount of 'quality time' together in the end. It is just a mismatch I think, no ones fault, certainly not yours, you are allowed to want to see him as much as you want after all!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's very normal to need me time and friend time. As long as he does make time for you, even once a week, you're fine. You're still pretty early in the relationship; go out with YOUR friends, too.

    Speaking from 19 years experience in his career, the average person has no idea how tiring and stressful both his job and his schedule can be. Our first day off is a waste as we try to recover physically and mentally, and most of us stick close to home. The last day off is a waste as we prepare ourselves for our next tour. Four days off may seem like a LOT to people who don't know or understand how grueling the job is.

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    • Thank you, your answer helped reassure me. He's a critical care paramedic so he's always stressed after work

    • It is worse than you can imagine. We only open up about 1/3 of what we deal with to folks who aren't on the job. I coukd take a gamble and say some of the people he hangs with are also on the job. We form deep relationships with our coworkers.

      Be supportive and understanding, and he will feel comfortable opening up to you and inviting you to "after shift " parties and so on. Meanwhile, live your life too!

What Guys Said 1

  • Knowing the paramedics profession (I work in a hospital) it can be extremely stressful. So I do understand the "my own day" thing. What I don't get is that he only see's you once a week. If I had a girlfriend, I would do everything to spend more time with her, knowing that I'd lose her if I didn't. So to be frank, voice your opinion and tell him that you need to spend more time with him. I can't see how that's a bad thing to want to be with you. Even you just want to be in the room or something, spending time together is extremely essential like oxygen for a relationship. In relationships, it's important you support each other and if he can't do that for you, then you need someone new. But if you can work something out with him, or settle that you're fine seeing him once a week then that's all you can do. Remember, relationships were meant to be a good thing. Good luck

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What Girls Said 1

  • its not normal.

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