If he doesn't do anything for our anniversary, does it mean he doesn't care?

Sorry if the title sounds silly - there's a word limit :) We are both 30, no kids. Yesterday was our one year anniversary. We did nothing.

He did not forget the date so this is not a situation where everything can be solved just by me reminding him because "oh some guys just forget."

HE asked ME weeks ago what I want for our one year anniversary. Now, I understand that not all guys care about dating anniversaries but since he was the one who brought it up, I assumed he wanted to celebrate... I think that's a reasonable assumption. I told him I wanted to go camping so we made plans to go this past weekend. I asked him what he wanted - he said a bike so I bought him a bike and gave it to him this weekend. He then decided to cancel our camping trip; when I asked why, he said 'because i don't want to go.' So we spent this past weekend sitting at home while he played video games online.

Yesterday was the actual anniversary date and after i came home from work, he basically just said "happy anniversary babe"... and that was it. No flowers, no dinner plans, no surprise, nothing.

I want to be clear I'm not upset because he didn't buy me a present or didn't spend money on me etc. I'm also not upset because I think he should have gotten me something in return for my present: I'm happy to have gotten him the bike he wanted. I'm upset because he literally made zero effort even though he remembered the date, he knew I cared, and he knew I got him a gift to celebrate. And this is especially after he was the one who brought up our anniversary in the first place and asked me what I want.

I haven't yelled or gotten mad at him because I understand that he doesn't HAVE to celebrate with me. I'm more just asking for opinions - is this me being overly-demanding and unreasonable? Or is this because he just doesn't care?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You sound like you are being perfectly reasonable. He should not have cancelled the camping trip. That was really inconsiderate and you should be honest with him about that. If he didn't want to go camping, he should have been upfront about that in the first place. If he didn't want to do or buy anything for the anniversary, then he should have been upfront about that too. You can't just ask someone what they want, agree to it, and then change your mind. That isn't OK.

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    • Thanks :) I was upset when he cancelled and said the exact same thing as you suggested. He said he did want to go but doesn't right at that moment. Lovely. Also followed that up with lots of "i'm sorry babe" and "we'll go next weekend", which I don't put much stock into because he'll likely cancel again.

What Guys Said 4

  • It depends on the guy. I think he brought it up because he was thinking you would probably set up something it if meant that much to you. Yes, I know that it should be the guys responsibility, but remember depends on the guy. As for my last relationship, I celebrated every birthday, holiday, anniversary, but she didn't even care if we did or not. That's just the way she was. Some people take it more seriously than others. Sorry about that, but don't be too hard on him, he's a guy after all

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  • I don't know if you want answers from a 15 year old but I would have made a bigger effort for a pretty girl. Cooked dinner at least. And take you camping which he said he would. I obviously haven't got a stable partner so don't know much but maybe you two should discuss it for next year.

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  • You did nothing.

    Which means that not only did he not plan anything, but you didn't either.

    Ergo, you've got no place complaining about this.

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    • Pah, ignore this. Missed a paragraph.

  • I think it's reasonable to be upset. He probably lost interest in going or something I don't know.

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    • Ok I can understand that I guess. I also lost interest in choosing a bike, disassembling and reassembling it so that I could lift and fit it into my car, but I did it anyway because that's what he said he wanted. I'm being sarcastic but honestly, yes he didn't have to go camping if he didn't want to but still, I was hoping for something more than just "happy anniversary babe" ...

What Girls Said 3

  • I would explain exactly that to him. Just tell him you are hurt because you thought you guys were going to do something special together and he ended up cancelling the plans without talking to you about it. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it hurt you? I don't think it was right was he did but trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

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  • He's cheap

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  • He doesn't care.

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