My girlfriend is forcing me to marry her?

I love my girlfriend to death, and I do see myself marrying her one day just not this soon.. She told me that she is tired of waiting (we have only been together 14 months) and that she wants me to propose to her within 3 months or we are over... I don't want to marry her because she hasn't grown up yet.. she's 23 and her parents pay for her apartment, and she goes out all night drinking and come home blackout drunk and extremely aggressive.. I'm not sure if I want to marry that, but I do know that I don't want to be without her. What should I do? I'm really confused right now


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Most Helpful Girl

  • One great idea I read (although it is a little messed up) is to get engaged, but stay engaged for a long time. Actually, this would probably work on me lol.

    But another idea that I thought of - that could also benefit you even more - is to tell her that you would love to propose as long as she shows you that she can make some life changes in the next 3 months.

    1) You want to see her pay for her own apartment
    2) You want to see her be able to handle her alcohol and stop the aggression
    3) You want her to get into activities in the evening that don't result in her getting black out drunk (a fitness class, or cooking night with the 2 two of you, or a movie night... have some wine and popcorn but she needs to show you she can tone it down)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • i.forbesimg.com/.../peelout_225x338.jpg

    You need to peel out and leave her behind.

    Those are some pretty big red flags, and your ages are also red flags. Both of you are pretty emotionally immature, and she definitely lacks any self-responsibility. If you got married, very likely she's going to expect to continue her lifestyle, but YOU will be the one paying for it - and then she's going to resent you for having to work so much and not being able to give her attention or party all night long with her. You can't possibly win, but you can certainly LOSE LOSE LOSE more than you even realize.

    I'm sure you've had a lot of fun with her, and may have feelings for her, but she is in no way ready for a serious relationship, much less a marriage, and marrying her would be a disaster. And you know that, which is why you don't want to marry her right now in the first place.

    Be smart - break up with her and move on. You can do much better, and she'll either grow up or she won't.

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What Girls Said 16

  • Propose but then stay engaged for like a year or two lol... Engagements can be broke off at anytime. Use money as the reason to why you'll be engaged for so long. That way she thinks she's getting married, and you still get to keep her around

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  • If she's forcing you to marry her then that's a huge red flag that the marriage would be doomed. 14 months is WAY to soon. Golden rule should be if y'all have been together for 2yrs. Honestly you should dump her because she doesn't sound like a good person at all.

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    • Tell her your not ready and her forcing you to do it is making you really not want to.

  • Ultimatums are not really conducive to healthy relationships. Perhaps you ought to let this one go. It doesn't sound like either of you are really ready.

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  • I regret to say that I think you know what my advice would be to this situation you find yourself in.

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  • Cold, hard truth: if she's not willing to wait until you're ready then she's not a brilliant girlfriend in the first place..
    If you're having doubts then don't let yourself be forced into it - if she's willing to leave you in 3 months then is she really in love with you enough for marriage?

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  • Tell your girl to straighten up, or else it's over.

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  • She gon get the chain m8 u betta runnn

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  • I wouldn't tell her to straighten up. Firstly, why are you with an immature brat like her, and what makes her think she is wife material? She is hilarious.

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  • Dude, no one can ever force you to do anything.
    You deserve MUCH better.
    Follow YOUR OWN heart and instincts.

    Much luck xo

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  • That's very immature of her to force you to propose or else you guys are done. Only 14 months seriously? That's a HUGE red flag. Who does that? Well the obvious answer here is dump her and move on if she won't stop.

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  • Let her break it off. That way she will feel like a piece of crap when she realizes it's really over. It's not fair to pressure someone into anything. Let alone marriage.

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  • Hmm, I think the obvious answer would be to dump her.

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  • You need to talk it out and explain that to her

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  • In my opinion don't marry her. You've only been dating for just over a year. What happens if you marry her now and a few years down the track you fall out of love?

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  • Honestly, don't give in if you are sure that you don't want to marry her now.

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  • Don't do it!

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What Guys Said 20

  • If she relies on her parents for everything, gets blackout drunk regularly, despite the fact she has an anger problem, and on top of all this she also holds you to ransom by dishing out relationship ultimatums and threatening to leave you, I have got to ask the question… WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH HER? I would straight up break up with her. Marriage is a serious thing and you cannot force it on someone, not when you are both in your early 20's & have only been together for a little over a year. That is ridiculous! She is being completely unreasonable, in more ways than one. She is expecting too much & needs to learn to grow up! And by the sounds of things, even marrying her years down the line would be a disaster still. Unless she completely changes her mindset & view to life.

    My ex used to rely on her super rich parents for absolutely everything - apartment, vacations, $12,000 car, clothes, phone & contract, laptops & she was still getting $1000 a month allowance money paid straight into her bank by her dad at 22yo. It was disgusting! What's more is she would throw it all in my face & ridicule me for having a crappy car or small apartment, even tho she hadn't earned a penny herself in her life & was sponging off her family. She never mentioned marriage or anything like that but she was super controlling thinking she owned me & could control EVERYTHING I did like trying to stop me seeing friends, stopping me from going out or talking to any other woman, including my boss at work. She was just a nasty bitch.
    She also had a drinking problem, going out most nights getting blackout drunk (with daddy's money) and she would become extremely aggressive, especially towards me and even got arrested for attacking a female police officer when drunk. One night she drunk a whole bottle of Vodka & threw a glass ashtray at the back of my head splitting it open and she punched me in the face several times when I was lying on the floor with blood pouring out. She tried apologising the next day and put on the waterworks, but enough was enough, I broke up with her and told her to F-off. Only then did I find out she had kissed 5 separate boys on drunken nights out & had actual sex with a further 2 behind my back. I'm just saying, my ex sounds a lot like yours, so be careful, BE VERY CAREFUL!

    Anyway, the moral of the story is to find a girl who actually loves you, respects you and has her own standards to live by! Your girlfriend is a joke! I'm doing u a favour.

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  • Break up with her.
    It sounds like she is very narcissistic. A narcissist oppresses others and does not care about others' feelings. - she shows reckless behavior toward you and her parents. Narcissists ruin the lives of everyone around them. You, as the victim, believe that "things will get better " - which they will not for certain.

    A narcissist puts his needs above the needs of others - about yours for instance.
    You must take this situation very seriously.
    A narcissist is manipulative and has the ability to force you to stay with them and pay attention to them - narcissists have an extremely abnormal, unhealthy urge for validation !!!

    I wish you lots of luck !

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  • Honestly, it sounds like she doesn't really want to marry YOU so much as she just wants to get married. If not with you, she'll just find another guy to marry her. And if you're that replaceable, then that would say a lot about how much she "loves" you.

    I suggest you doing what @GIFit2me said. Propose to her and just stay engaged to her until she (hopefully) gets her shit together. But if after a reasonable amount of time she still acts that way, or if she realizes why you stayed engaged for so long, then tell her to either shape up or ship out.

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  • Dude get the fuck away from there. OR impose an ultimatum yourself - make it clear that you are not ready to marry at the moment and that you most certainly wouldn't do it anyway while she is indulging in such activities.

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  • "23 and her parents pay for her apartment, and she goes out all night drinking and come home blackout drunk and extremely aggressive"

    Forget marriage I wouldn't even be in a relationship with someone like that.

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  • Wait for her to come home blacked out drunk then propose to her. If she doesn't remember it's her faul and you can say you did if she gets angry 3 month later.

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  • " drinking and come home blackout drunk and extremely aggressive.."
    Nuff said.

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  • Sounds like you love her but she still wants to be a kid thats bad news for you dont get married cuz some told you to but because you want to if she has giving u a altimatum give her one to tell her she has 3 months to grow up and be a adult if you marry her acting like that you will regret it i promiss i have a few friend that would love to talk to you about young marriage

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  • sounds like an insurance policy. 'Please pay your bills before 3 months or your policy will be exterminated.''

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  • Break up with her man. Dont let her determine what you are going to do in life. If you dont want to marry and she made an ultimatum, leaveman. your really young there are lots of girls out there. Dont let your penis make this decision. Good luck.

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  • Honestly I wouldn't marry that, I wouldn't want my kids to have that as a mom, buy her a ring Pop and if that isn't good enough find a new girl who is wife materiel if she's forcing you to marry her you should force her to get off the juice

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  • if she can't till you are both ready leave her

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  • She sounds like a divorce waiting to happen.

    Do it on your time table or not at all.

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  • Hmmm that's emotional blackmailing , leave her

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  • I'd dump her ass right now. Nobody gives me an ultimatum.

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  • Tell her to grow up within 3 months or it's over.

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  • I would seriously talk to your girlfriend about it. Just stay with her during the three months and see at the end of it if she is fine staying together but not getting married. If she has to get married then I guess you'd have to break up. A women acting like her is going to be problematic and your gonna wish you never committed. She gets blacked out drunk, her parents pay for her rent and she expects you to propose to her. She does not sound like she has her life together and if she expects you to propose to her she probably will expect you to pay everything for her too. I would seriously talk to he right away and try not waste any more time with her if she is stuck on getting proposed to within 3 months.

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  • Talk to her then and tell her instead of bitching to us.
    Sorry to be a dick about it just man up and put her in her place.
    Tell how you feel and it's too early in the relationship to get married.
    she needs to grow up and make her own way in the world instead off relying on the bank of mum and dad.
    By time I was 23 I had my own business and 3 properties two of which I was renting out.
    How times have changed.

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  • kill her now

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  • "she goes out all night drinking and come home blackout drunk and extremely aggressive"
    Dump her

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