Guys, I'm very often "bro-zoned", and it makes me think. Do you have a solution for me?

I'm that kinda girl who's always surrounded by guys. Not because I like the attention, but because I get along better with guys than girls. Girls are nothing more but drama (guys too! but a lot less!). Also, a lot of what I do is "guy's stuff", such as working out hardcore, playing soccer or basketball, playing video games, watching animes, longboarding, wrestling, etc. I'm not your average "always-on-point" everyday feminine girl either, I wear mostly pants, "geek" t-shirts and Vans sneakers. I longboard a lot around campus too. However, I like dressing up for occasions like weddings or Church and my guy friends barely recognize me and say that I look, I quote, "hot".
Anyways, I got "bro-zoned" more than once by the guys I liked. They often say that I'm really cool and stuff, but they only see me as a friend. I'm asking that because I just got "bro-zoned" by the guy I had a huge crush on. He was doing everything that a guy does when he likes a girl; but he never asked me out or did anything concrete. Lots of people thought we had a thing, which I thought too! But he turned me down...
I'm fine with myself and I won't change for anyone's sake, but I feel like I'm doing something wrong...
Can you guys tell me what I could do to avoid the "brozone" once more?

Updates:
And it's during these times when I actually dress like a girl that my guy friends notice that I'm one ^^'

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18

Most Helpful Guy

  • Your regular "guy friends" really enjoy being your friend - you are an awesome friend who does the same kinds of activities that they do, and clearly you are comfortable with how they behave (being competitive, adventurous, but also sometimes crude, crass, and sexual, etc.). HOWEVER, your guy friends know that if they don't actively FriendZone you, that the sexual tension and competition will ruin your friendship - maybe even with all of them. If you start dating one guy, it will change your relationship with the other guys - maybe a couple of them secretly like you, etc., but they can all deal with it as long as no one is dating you.

    As someone else suggested, what you need to do is target guys outside of your group of friends - guys who aren't invested in a "friendship" or (BROship) with you. Let them see both sides of you - the competitive, physical, down-to-earth skater-girl AND the hot girly-girl. They will fall over themselves wanting to be with you, because they won't be hurting anyone else (that they're good friends with) by dating you.

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What Guys Said 17

  • A huge reason why guys would "bro-zone" as you call it is due to lack of physical attraction. I can see them possibly getting turned off by you surrounding yourself with guys but I'd only say that was a reason if you were constantly at guys' houses late at night drinking and partying and such. But you don't seem to be doing that unless you never indicated it and are.

    So my only guesses (which may be inaccurate) is that you're either overweight, or the guys you're choosing to crush on are intimidated by you hanging out with so many guys and they're forming assumptions that you may be hooking up with them.

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    • Uuuuuh... I don't drink, don't stay outside of my house after 10pm and I'm not overweight. I'm an assistant fitness coach and a art model for my school, so you have an idea of what I look like ^^'. I don't think that attractiveness or looks are the problem in the story, because pretty much all of my friends complimented me on my looks and more than once! Even the guy I was talking about.

    • Then they're likely assuming bad things about you based on your quantity of male friends.

  • Just be yourself! To me you seem really awesome :D There's gotta be a guy out there who really likes you! I'm an anime and zelda geek too, so no worries :D

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    • I grew up with my brothers watching DBZ! I absolutely love that anime! It's ridiculously good! I played a lot of Zelda's games too. I have the typical "geek" childhood, haha. But yea, I won't change myself to please others. Never.

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    • I like itachi a lot :D

    • Do you mind you followed me on GAG?

  • You have to find a guy that's not in that group of friends. You'll go on dates and dress up for him then, but when you start to show the geek shirt and the video games that's when the new guy will fall in love with you because you're just like him. There are plenty of guys out there that want a girl like you! How many girls play video games, play soccer and look amazing in cocktail black dress.

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  • Just like most women are not looking for a very effeminate guy, most men aren't looking for a very masculine girl.

    You can still be yourself, but I would mix it up a bit. If you're sort of a cool dude, you have to puncture that impression with some femininity like long hair or makeup or just the way you act towards guys you like. You have to show some vulnerability because otherwise the guy doesn't really have a role to play.

    Option B is to just find a really effeminate borderline gay guy, that way you'll have essentially traded roles.

    I'm all for dispersing with traditional gender roles, but they still rear their heads in the context of mating, and I'm not sure there's a lot we can do about it.

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  • I think it is a case of just waiting for right guy to come along - You are as well to stay true to yourself.

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  • hmm I don't know i personally they should give you more of a chance. maybe the "one of the guys" thing isn't their thing, but i am usually down for things that aren't my thing if i like the person. I don't know i think your problem is that you have good friends that are jsut coincidentally closed minded about this.

    and trust me, i know this frustration inside and out. you like yourself but even the ones who are nice to you dont give you a chance. its frustrating because theyre nice they just dont understand it feels like you're being treated like you're worth less than strangers by someone whos supposed to be your friend.

    i guess my advice would be to move on to the next one. still try to be friends but try not to put faith in them to have your back on issues like this.

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  • if you be around guys so much most of them will think you like sex and is not girlfriend material and 2- dress and act more like a girl dont tell me I like this or that or i like to look like guys , when i choose a girl i am going for girly girl that acts and takes care of herself like a girl does but still fun to hangout with because she's more open and different from other girls

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  • If you don't want to be one of the guys, then stop acting like one... Most guys I know don't really want a female version of themselves. If they wanted to date a girl that acts more like one of their friends then they could just get a boyfriend instead.

    Yeah it's funny that you and your buddy can casually call each other 'cuntface' but if a guy goes on a date and his date says "dude, stop being a bitch," that would leave a bad taste in many guys' mouths.

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    • By "cuntface", I meant that when I don't smile, I have that serious expression that makes me look mad, while I'm not! I mean there's not much to smile about when you're focused in class or thinking about something. Not that I'm not happy, but I don't show emotional reaction when nothing is going on through my mind. He NEVER called me 'cuntface'. He called me cuter names.. such as "baby-girl", or "Frenchie".

    • 'Cuntface' was just an example of something guys would call each other. I wasn't calling you a cuntface or saying anyone did.

      It was just an example of things guys do with each other that they wouldn't necessarily want to do with a girl

  • probably because you´re not "girly" enough or because for example if i had a girl that only hung out with the guys, she would be auto bro to me. because we kind of don´t get interested, if you´re with a lot of guys.

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  • Wow, you seem to be my type of girl.

    Ok I will be honest - guys don't "bro-zone" attractive girls. Never! So probably you are not typical hot/pretty girls. Especially when you are their style.
    However be yourself and don't change for anyone. Never ever. At least if it won't come from your natural state of being. You will attract right guy. Trust me. Girls who are true to themselves will always attract love, even when they are not admired their whole life by bunch of guys.

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    • I'll surely sound like I'm boasting but I very often get compliments on my attractiveness. It might be irrelevant, but even one of my bi friends repeatedly compliments me on my looks. So... I honestly think that the "not-hot-enough" argument is very invalid.
      Yes, I'm not wanting to change my personality or whatever. I'm just looking for suggestions on how I could change that.

    • So even that you are attractive, you have so solid friendship with those guys and it's hard for them to treat you like girlfriend material. So you have to be yourself and look for (however don't search, do you own things) a guy out of your social circle.

      PS. Post a picture!

  • Have you tried asking a guy out? A lot of girls just sit back and wait, and then they assume they're "bro-zoned" when the guy doesn't ask them out.

    Stop being so passive, stop trying to "be noticed", and start asking guys out. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    Sorry if I come across as a bit harsh.

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    • I did! 2 days ago. AND I got brozoned ^^'

    • Oh no, you're not harsh! I prefer being hit with the truth.

  • You aren't hot you getting bro zoned unless you just tryna be a bustdown offer sex

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    • Nope. Not valid. You don't even know what I look like. How can you even say that?

  • You know the answer to this. Why do guys get friendzoned? same reason here

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    • Nope. I don't know the answer. Explain!

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    • Oh shiz... you're right in that point... I know it's ridiculous, buut it took me a semester to tell him how I felt... Dang..!

    • This might seem a little unortodox and it might not work but the good thing is that girls have the key out of the friendzone they are called tits, I suggest you start using them on this guy ASAP. I'm actually serious if he start seing you in a sexual light your problem might be reversed dress your best a bit revealing and have an"oops" moment where he gets to see your goods (ass or boobage) best of luck

  • try not to be around guys much

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    • But I like being aroud guys! I have a lot more fun with them than with girls! Most girls always talk useless shiz and they gossip a bunch! I don't like that!

    • you can be around guys but not much
      message me if you want i will tell you more

  • Lol I just like word choice "bro-zoned" perfect!

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    • haha! Yea, I go on "bro dates" too! I have a funny story that is off-topic a bit. I was with a couple friends, driving back home and one of them asked me if I had a "man". I laughed and told him that "No, I always get brozoned". They all laughed and the guy who asked said "would you like to go on a bro date sometime?". We all went longboarding the day after. Yep, that's the definition of being brozoned.

    • No flirting? Yeah, sounds like it.

  • Be... more flirty?

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    • Well, I'm gonna need a whole education on that cause beside smiling and looking, I suck at flirting.

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    • eeeeee. Not subtle about it at all... In your place I would have just laughed it off.. Maybe you are just like me... I want to get to know them first to see if I really like them, and if they really like me

    • Ren-Raven: He was flirty from the start but it went in crescendo as the semester was progressing. And I told the guy that I liked him but he said that he only saw me as a friend and that "that's it, really".

  • The issue here is that you're trying to turn friends into lovers. Don't worry about being a tomboy. It's sexy! It's you! A lot of guys love it. Some of the guys you hang out with will love it too.

    No, the problem is going from friend to lover is tricky, always. People are comfortable in one role and then it's tough to move to the next. The best thing to do here is to try to get to know someone you like in a new context. So, if a guy you're hanging out with at the gym is a pal but you're interested in more, invite him out to something different like getting a coffee somewhere or getting lunch at some interesting new place or whatever. Dress like a girl when you go on the date (don't overdo it) and act natural. Don't overact, but just be yourself, smile, etc. The guy will most likely realize -- hey this is a girl that I like! if you're compatible.

    Hope it works out for you!

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    • I loved your comment! Thank you! Not that I read what I wanted to "hear", but it's actually helpful.
      I started going with a different mindset after that guy I was talking about "friendzoned" me. He actually bearely saw me outside of class or the gym. I always dress casually to go to class, and for the gym, my college requires us to wear a uniform (t-shirt with school's logo and stuff). But he never saw me outside of it. I invited him a couple times, but it was a friend outing, so the context was not favorable either. So that mindset I started talking about is: "if he doesn't like me now, he will later". You have to be friends before potentially being lovers, right? Also, when he was "friendzoning" me, he said that he'd love to hang out with me anyways (but it's Summer break right now and he's back home in CT). So I was thinking that, if he keeps his word, I'll be able to show him the girl behind the tomboy. I haven't found what I will do yet, but I will!

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