The guy I met on tinder proposed as first 'date' to eat something at his house. What do you think about that?

[La-Vicksy]

Good or bad idea? I'm just afraid of having no control of the situation if he wants more because I obviously don't. :/

Updates

+1 y

So I first want to say thank you to all of you because you've been very helpfull! So I'm going to propose something else. What would you rather opt for? A simple message asking to do something else eg meeting somewhere. Or ask hime to go somewhere else and tell him that I wouldn't feel comfortable staying at his house. And also say something about tinder which we all know is also used for sex. something I'm not interested in. But that it's still a good idea for a second or third date if he wants

[Paris13]

For your 'First date,' @LaVicksy, as wise an owl as I am, I know how this will... Go down.
Tell Tinder foot hat You would Prefer going Out to eat and get to know him better. Explain to him that you don't just go to Somebody's house on a whim and a prayer and First, you would like to see if you both Mix well in the Public's eye before you go off parading under his thumb and roof.
I also would not suggest taking in a flick downtown. I have done this, been there, and believe me, you won't even know when Intermission takes place.
Good luck. xx

[La-Vicksy]

Thank you for your opinion! I think I'm going to take a lot of your wise words and incorporate them in the message I'm going to send him. Seeing all these people telling me not to do it has made me realize I should really not when I'm not comfortable with it. I totaly agree with what you say. I definitely prefer to go out and grab something to eat than being stuck at his house. Like I said it could turn out well but on the other hand the risks that I'm facing are not to be negligated! Date planned on 08/11, I'm going to send him a message hope he's going to be okay with changing plans... I'll keep you updated! thanks xx

[Paris13]

Oh, so welcome, sweetie, and thank you so much... I have been on 'blind dates' with Internet many times and I feel that coffee for two or something to chew IS the best date with maybe.. a potential mate...:)) xxoo

[La-Vicksy]

Well to tell you everything I've been on a date just once in my life with a guy I met at a party... So I basically know nothing about it. I'm certainly going to follow your advice! Plus coffee sounds not bad at all for a first date! Working on an honest message; I hope he will understand! xx

[Paris13]

I think he will if he wants a date with who knows.. a possible Mate. lol:)) xxoo

[awesome_possum]

That's a big "not happening" for me... huge red flag. You'd think he would realize that a girl is probably not comfortable meeting him alone at his house on the first date.

I had a guy from OKC try that, and he said it had to be at his house because his puppy was losing it's teeth and he had to be there for it. Really?

[La-Vicksy]

I'm going to tell him that. Even though I told him it was a cool idea I obviously had in mind the risks I was taking by agreeing with it. And even though I said yes I thought it was more appropriate for a second or third date. Feel like I need to learn to say what I really have in mind because I'm going to get hurt in the end if I'm not doing this more often/more carefull.

[awesome_possum]

Just be careful. Some guys consider a home visit as a cue that you're ready for physical intimacy... you don't know him well enough to know how he would react if you said no to his advances. I waited for seven dates until I invited the guy I'm dating now over to my house- and we didn't have sex, but still.

[La-Vicksy]

That's it, I want to be carefull and take no risks. But because I don't really know him I can't really be sure how he's going to react to a no. And even if he doesn't want to try something, it's possible we don't get along and it's going to be so awkward. I'm going to send him an honest message asking for something else! Thanks for your opnion and help! :)

[awesome_possum]

The fact that he didn't even consider that he should be trying to make you feel safe and build trust and comfort with you first is not a good sign. Also, I'm not the demanding or entitled type, but a first date at his house seems very lazy to me, like he isn't putting any effort in whatsoever. It doesn't mean he has to spend a ton of money on you, but first appearances say a lot. A simple walk through the city would suffice for me.

[La-Vicksy]

Totally agree with you! It's indeed an easy way to just organize something quickly. Maybe because he's a bit older (23, I'm 18) and he has already been on dates more often and it makes him feel more confident about proposing something like that? I just don't know. I haven't really talked to him... It's just so hard to say because on the other hand I don't feel like it's the kind of guy to do something like that.

[awesome_possum]

That's possible... Or he's putting his money into someone else he's dating. If you haven't talked to him much at all I urge you to put off going to his house until you get to know HIM- not the "mask" people put on initially to impress a new guy/girl. guy I'm dating now didn't start to get comfortable and act like his true self around me until at least a month into dating, and 9 dates (3+ hours long each). I'm also looking for something long-term though, but my last relationship convinced me that taking things slow was the best thing to do.

[awesome_possum]

You can't go on "feelings" or "hunches" until you've actually met the guy. I talked to this man for 4 months online before meeting him in person and I was convinced that he would be a bit of a hard-ass because his texting style is so blunt and formal.. but I've never met such a sweet guy. And out of all the guys I've chatted with, he's the only one from online dating I've actually met in person.

I talked to another guy for a while too.. and the conversation was normal for a few hours.. until he started asking creepy intimate questions. And when I said stop, he showed his true colors and started to stalk/harass me.

Moral of the story: Take your time, and think about why you felt the urge to ask for advice on GaG about meeting him behind closed doors if you're so sure he won't try to pull anything.

[becca123]

Tinder is well known as a hook up site, and it sounds like that is exactly what this guy is expecting. Try to get him to meet you out, but don't be surprised if he just blows you off. Your safety comes first.

[La-Vicksy]

It is indeed the feeling I had when I saw his last messages. But before I would have never thought it was going to turn out like that. I thought he would propose to meet him outside. Sometimes I think it might be because of the age difference (23-18) and that's what older/more mature people do. But in the end I'm definitely not convinced by that thought. Safety first indeed, I hope he's going to agree with my proposal. If he doesn't well I'll be sad but glad I didn't take the risk of endangering myself.

[Anonymous]

Yeah.
1. He's a rapist
2. He's socially awkward and doesn't understand that suggesting a first date at my place sounds like he's a rapist
3. He's dumb for not thinking about how terrifying meeting for the first time at a strangers house may be

Those are your options. Personally I don't like this guy.

[La-Vicksy]

I couldn't agree more with that! Terrifying and yeah he sounds indeed like a rapist. I should really ask for something else. For my own safety first and then the awkwardness of the situation...

[ForeveraloneTiddles]

The way I see it, if you have any doubt whatsoever, suggest a first date somewhere else. An invitation to his house seems like a 3rd date kinda thing (or at least it's something I'd do). As a first date, it seems a little bit rapey unless you've known the guy for years.

[La-Vicksy]

I have a doubt because anything could happen... I mean it could turn out very well and he might just want to hang out at his house I don't know, I'm obviously very bad at dating. I don't even know if it's going to be during the day or evening. His parents might also be there if it's during the evening... I totally agree about the fact it's more a third date thing and that it does sound rapey. I know the guy since December last year, we haven't talked a lot but since the beginning he was really into a date with me. I didn't really have time then now I wanted to give it a chance since I'm facing less trouble. I just don't want him to become another source of trouble.

[guy532]

wtf? Don't do it, this guy sounds like a jackass... unless all you want is to screw and even then you should first meet at a public place.

[La-Vicksy]

Thanks for the advice! I'll have to talk about it with him and try to change plans. Public places sound definitely safer... And no I don't want to screw with a person I've just met!

[Bards]

Ahahhahahaha NO. NOT AT HIS HOUSE. EW. RED FLAG. CREEP.

[La-Vicksy]

haha thanks for your opninion :D

[Zigzagz]

If you don't "want any" then don't go. That's what tinder is for.

[La-Vicksy]

And plan something somewhere else then? And yeah I know what tinder is for, I'm just the too optimistic girl believing that there is a chance I can find a guy who isn't on tinder just for that... And I'm sure there are, thought I found him, just not so sure anymore.

[Zigzagz]

Just meet him at like a coffee shop or something then from there you can choose to go home with him, invite him over, or go your separate ways, depending on how it goes. That's what I do with my tinder girls.

[La-Vicksy]

Okay thanks for the advice, sounds indeed better. Wish he would have rather something like you in mind :p

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Always a good idea to meet in a public space first. If you like him enough that way then you could go to his house.

[La-Vicksy]

Thanks for the advice!

[madokh]

bad idea
always meet in public until you know more about him

[La-Vicksy]

Thanks for the advice!

[Anonymous]

Make a counter-proposal to meet outside.

[La-Vicksy]

Planning to do it! Thanks for your opninion!

[zombiebabe]

its simple... meet him in a public place

[La-Vicksy]

That's the new plan. Thanks foryour opninion!

[zombiebabe]

welcomed