Guys, Can great sex make a guy want a relationship instead of just a hook up?

So I invited this guy I had hung out with twice at the bar only talking and drinking. I invite him over to get away from my obnoxious friend that disrespected. So we hung out and he sat in my hammock with me and met my chickens and talked about family and he complimented me on how I keep up my yard well by myself and how I need to buy my house cause it is perfect. He told me to sit back and he ran around my house getting things ready he found his way around the kitchen and my room and got my window AC set up with an extension cord. He was like let me handle everything. I was impressed. And it led to us hooking up but I told him he could crash where ever he wanted the couch or the other room. He chose to sleep with me. And it was beautiful!!! I felt adored. he was like I am in no hurry to leave in the morning. Long kiss goodbye. He said "everything was just awesome". He says since we were up all night he was going to sleep and recover and I will hear from him. Then he was gone. Nothing for like a week I was sad. I intentionally did not ask his number I wanted it to be up to him. Then he calls and says he needs to explain that he is not ready for a relationship. He is saying I am awesome and I deserve it but he is just not ready. He says if we meet up I need to know it is just a friends with benefits type thing because he has to work on himself. I tell him it is ok but I was happy to hear from him he is like are you sure u can do this I can't huRt u. I say it's fine he came over and again it was amazing. And he saw me at the club the other day and called me over to meet his friends he had me do my comedy with them he has me meet his best friend specifically. Then jerk friend sees us kissing and touches my ass. My guy holds my hands and pulls me close to his chest and gets into a verbal altercation with his dumb friend. I felt in awe of his protection. He was like she is a lady and you don't do that to her ever. He tells me to head home and he will meet up with me.

  • Can earth shattering sex move a guy from friends with benefits to wanting a relationship?
    16% (7)
  • Yes
    30% (13)
  • No
    54% (23)
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Updates:
So when he is with me he cuddles. He holds my hand in his sleep we sleep tangled up in each other. I know I am a sexual phenom. I spoil the crap out of anyone Im with. Massage and even kissed his feet all of him. It was intense. I feel him feeling. I feel. The whole protecting me thing blew me away. I know he had something come up from his military days when he was with me the first time. It was a sex issue I helped him feel comfortable. I think that is what he's working on b4 commiting
I really hope he can switch from no commitment to wanting one. I get that because I think you have to really know your options and et where you need to be before you offer yourself to someone. I told him he was the first person I was with in 2 years I went through improving myself. I told him I understand his need to do that. And I want him to know what is out there and never be with me unless he really wants it. I don't expect a commitment when we just hooked up once and we had the discussion.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like he legitimately isn't interested in dating you right now, but probably will be in the future. I'd say stay close to him, and give him around 3-6 months, then move on, but don't expect you to be exclusive for those 3-6 months, and don't get jealous if he sleeps with other girls, cause he'll probably just cut you off if you do.

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    • Ian sort of in limbo with someone from my past that has reconnected with me on line so I felt like one is figuring his shit out from a distance and the other it figuring it out here. I told him I don't expect him to be faithful and to not worry if I see him hanging with another girl. Because as I told him my biggest mistakes were always when I got into something exclusive right away. That I felt a need to be committed. But to me if there is no ring there is no commitment. But that goes for me as well. I care about everyone I am with and I want them happy even if it isn't with me. Go where you are happy and have fun till you find the one that you never want to lose. Then establish a commitment. I do feel I feel a lot and Becaue of that I want him happy. Wild hearts are the most beautiful!

    • He had me go to his friends' house and we took turns playing our favorite music and they liked mine. They asked me about myself. They said "awe they are all in love" look how happy he is now that she showed up. How did you guys meet! His friends were saying "I like her she was telling us stuff about her life she is a great person. He held me and kissed me around them. He seemed happy he left me feeling adored.

What Guys Said 19

  • I'm not even going to read the other comments, because based on the poll results so far, I know what to expect. But I'm going to tell you that YES, there are men who will actually develop feelings for a woman he has incredible sex with. Sometimes, good sex is a sign of chemistry, depending on how you view sex. Good chemistry can lead to a relationship. If you feel like you two just seem to "click" when you're together, that's a good sign. He's showing that you're more than just booty call. He cares about you, at least a little. I don't know him personally, and I could be wrong, but he's definitely treating you differently than a lot of men treat their "friends with benefits". If he makes you feel wanted and protected, that's wonderful. Enjoy it, and definitely pursue this one.

    Be cautious. He may be very honest when he says he's not ready for a relationship. He might have some personal issues to work out, or perhaps you're not the only person he's sleeping with and he's not sure what to do with the situation he's in. Maybe he sees you as a good friend, but not someone he really wants to pursue romantically. These could chance, of course, but it's best to be patient and know that it might not lead to a relationship after all.

    There is also a chance he's an ass. Some guys will play games. I hope he's not one of them. But, like I said, just be careful. Ride this out, see where it goes. He may be a keeper!

    Just to reiterate... Yes. Some men will fall for a woman he has mind blowing sex with. Good chemistry in the bedroom can lead to good chemistry outside of the bedroom as well. Two hearts that are made for each other will find a way to be together. I speak from experience!

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    • Typo / autocorrect. I meant to say "Things could change" and not "These could chance".

  • It can very much happen but I usually notice there is a lot of clouded judgment with them and it's mostly infatuation. Like some people can still get territorial and still not want to date the person they were sexual with. Your case is honestly 50/50 but don't count on it if he already said no. Leave it be. He's likely only interested in the sex and cuddling and even though that stuff's "emotional" he may just be looking for it as convenience but not looking for a relationship that'll lead to you two moving in together one day and all that so he'd rather not look ahead at that stuff.

    There are guys who want to commit off of a one night stand even but overall, their judgment's just really foggy from being sex starved.

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  • No, that's not always the case. Correlation doesn't imply causation but some guys keep seeing women because it's a promised source of sex and if they enjoy it, they'll come back for more but may not want to commit.

    But that's not to say if the sex is great, a guy won't want a relationship.

    As others have said, sex isn't everything in a relationship, it just enhances it.

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  • It depends on how good the woman's personality is. If it's already mostly compatible with his then yeah, the sex could be the final stepping stone. But if he just can't stand talking to you then the sex would have to cause some brain damage for him to change his mind.

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  • No, guys like that just are immature and want sex, short of divine intervention nothing outside of themselves will change that stupidity

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  • Sex is just sex, sorry. As soon as his penis is flaccid he'll remember why he doesn't want a girlfriend and he'll realize it's still true.

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  • It depends on how much he was considering it before hand. If he was right on the edge it can tip the balance but don't get your hopes up.

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  • don't know he could he could not all I can say though is that it seems he cares for you.

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    • I think he does care about me. I have had hookups after my divorce and they were completely just about the sex. I had some that were more like friendships but I so know anyone I am intimate with remembers me more than 20+ years later because I make it super fun and free and they feel adored Respected safe I make them laugh they love my mind my happy energy. Two exes from over 20 years ago are ending their marriages. And they both never forgot me. One has constantly thought of me and searched for me over the years. One of the ones that was like a friendship would drop everything 4me. Even the casual pure ones have knocked on my door and stayed on my porch all night texting me. Even guys I never have sex with love the way I make them feel and they pursue me for years. I know there is something about me on an emotional level and physical they just don't move on. But this guy cares which is why he was very clear about not being ready for a relationship with ANYONE! Others don't care

    • Show All
    • Asker (36-45)
      NowReport
      He had me go to his friends' house and we took turns playing our favorite music and they liked mine. They asked me about myself. They said "awe they are all in love" look how happy he is now that she showed up. How did you guys meet! His friends were saying "I like her she was telling us stuff about her life she is a great person. He held me and kissed me around them. He seemed happy he left me feeling adored.

    • Well uh good for you.

  • Sex doesn't MAKE a relationship, although it certainly ADDS to it.

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    • I know married people their wife is rejecting them they gave up pursuing sex and seducing their man. And as a wife back in the day I know how the sex life was very important to feeling connected. Not just that but the feeling good. Feeling wanted. If that ends you no longer have a relationship. I agree there is much more that has to happen. But I feel like the physical connection (not just sex) and the feeling connected emotionally really matter and I felt like when we are together we melt like sugar into each other. He was telling his friends and our mutual friends that I make him feel so good when he is with me. And he kissed me and held me close. I know he needs his time to figure stuff out I told him to take that time. I just went through it. And he will thank himself for it. I think that image if him protecting me with his friend was something I have longed for my whole life so it took me to a whole new level of feelings. But any good guy should do that. I just never had it

    • Asker (36-45)
      NowReport
      He had me go to his friends' house and we took turns playing our favorite music and they liked mine. They asked me about myself. They said "awe they are all in love" look how happy he is now that she showed up. How did you guys meet! His friends were saying "I like her she was telling us stuff about her life she is a great person. He held me and kissed me around them. He seemed happy he left me feeling adored.

  • She would have to be a sex goddess with eternal youth

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  • I think age matters in this case... is 36-45 your real age?

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  • I knew a guy who married for the sex after knowing a girl for a few months. She turned out to be a terrible person, but I guess that's what he gets.

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    • Well I am awesome that's why everyone from my past obsessed on me and I remain friends with them

    • My first boyfriend still calls 25 years later and he plays his guitar and sings to me. They never forget how sweet funny and respectful I am. My other ex was an ass but he still holds out hope for me since I broke up with him two years ago he still hasn't dated and begs to get back with me. This one hook up after my divorce I wanted more from him he would call and text all the time saying he couldn't get me out of his mind. He was a commanding officer and he would have sex with me in his office and all over the post when I worked there. Everyone knew we had a thing! He had a lot of crazy experiences but nobody like me!!! I rock worlds. I was hoping to get him to marry me because I had a crush on him before I worked there. He died of a heart attack

  • "He was like she is a lady and you don't do that to her ever."

    Wow, he DOES know all the lines, doesn't he? Even after a random hookup (which clearly isn't the act of a lady) he knows what to say.

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    • He is very respectful of me which is why I let him get close I clearly have restraint having waited 2 years to meet someone worthy. I was impressed how he took control and did the right thing the nights prior when we hung out I was hanging with his sister and him and his friend and he was also protective of his sister. And I was protective of him when my friend disrespected him. She tried to unlock his phone to read his text and threw it down all crazy. She had no reason to do that. So I told her she was wrong and instead of getting a ride with her he got a cab and I invited him to hang out at my house and he spent the whole night talking under the stars with me. It wasn't going to be a hook up it sort of took a romantic turn.

  • i suppose it could make a pretty empty guy want a pretty empty relationship, but if you dont want a relationship with someone i dont see sex changing that.

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    • I am not so sure it would be empty. Cause he talks about things with me at a deeper level. I just think maybe men are drawn to fire

  • No a guy will probably have his mind made up form the beggining

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  • From my experience so far, probably not.

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  • My opinion: If that's what most males think would make a good relation ship, I feel very damn sad for the females out there. But for me no way.

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  • no it will make him want to be fuck buddies with you.

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    • Asker (36-45)
      NowReport
      He had me go to his friends' house and we took turns playing our favorite music and they liked mine. They asked me about myself. They said "awe they are all in love" look how happy he is now that she showed up. How did you guys meet! His friends were saying "I like her she was telling us stuff about her life she is a great person. He held me and kissed me around them. He seemed happy he left me feeling adored.

  • Nope. All it can do is make a guy want to have a lot of sex with you.

    Don't convince yourself that sex can somehow replace affection for guys. Of course it can't. Sex itself is just really important for guys often.

    It's not a BAD thing if you have great sex -- it will definitely make him want to stick around more and have more sex with you. So it can definitely turn into a setup where he's more likely to fall for you.

    But, sex ≠ love. Seriously, you do not want to be with a guy for whom that would be true anyway.

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