I used to have a mental checklist of everything I wanted in a potential mate. I said that I didn't want to be with a man that smoked or drank, that was married or had kids. Well, something weird is happening to me. I met this guy on an online dating site and for whatever reason we were matched up even though he had a lot of things that I didn't want. He has a kid, was married, is a recovering alcoholic and is trying to quit smoking. When I read his profile, I didn't think we would have anything in common, then we started talking. The more we talk, the happier I have become, the more confident I feel, and I find that I can't stop thinking about him. Even though he is everything I didn't think I wanted, I find that I want him despite those things. Am I falling in love with him? Is this unusual?
Most Helpful Guy
Mental checklists are ridiculous. Its like claiming you don't like a food before even trying it. This is normal, go with it. Its like when you think of a dream job, but then when you actually get it you realised you ignored all the negatives about it. That is essentially what a checklist does, it highlights the benefits yet ignores the negatives. He doesn't smoke, but then that ignores all of his other positive traits. He is a go getter when it comes to his career? Well that ignores that he will be spending more time at work then with you. He is patient? well that ignores that he won't be a go getter or as assertive. For all attributes there is a pro and a con. Checklist don't acknowledge this fact, so your feelings are showing you his positive characteristics and your realizing those are more important to you then avoiding the few negatives. Besides, you may find certain characteristics you thought you didn't like you actually do (say you don't want children but then when you spend enough time with them you realize how much you love them). So yeah, I think this is normal.0
Most Helpful Girl
You don't fall in love with someone based on details. You don't fall in love with a guy because he doesn't smoke cigarettes. So of course, whether or not you love someone will have nothing to do with that detail. It may be a turn off initially, but actual feelings look past little turn offs...
I've always thought I could never love a guy who can't spell and has a limited vocabulary, always thought I'd be too turned off a guy who dips. Yet I'm in love with him. So...
The heart is strange.
Best of luck.0