I've been dating for the past couple of months, since a breakup with a long-term boyfriend. I'm in school and I have a job, I'm very friendly and upbeat (always laughing and smiling), and I'm decent looking (not a 10 but not a 2). But every guy I go out with are just looking to sleep with me. I want a relationship, but on the first date they try to initiate something further than a kiss and then get mad when I refuse and never call again. I'm starting to feel really down about this, because my friends are in relationships with guys who value them as people and I want that. Where can I find a guy like that?
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Anonymous
+1 y
They don't, not in the sense you think. Sex is useful for unlocking a guy's emotional intimacy.
You seem to have a cute, pretty and warm look about you, if your personality resonates with this then it makes perfect sense to me that they would be eager to express themselves with you.
Think of it this way; from a girls perspective sex with guys requires trust, right? But from a guy's perspective sex with girls elicits trust, all generally speaking of course.
Guys aren't uptight about it so once they like you a bit, sex is a natural progression.
Look at this poll. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1604677-if-someone-has-sex-with-you-would-you-think-they-re-interested-in-you Looking at this poll, can you appreciate the significance and validation a guy finds in you wanting to have sex with him and what he might feel in absence of those things? I'm not saying you should be having sex with guys whenever they want, but I'm not saying it's wrong for guys to attach that manner of significance to sex either. It's a natural inclination.
I'd just like people to better understand one another better. Those guys you're with could.. probably.. maybe.. stand to be a bit more patient. But you could also stand not to be so dismissive of male sexuality. Did you bother trying to call them yourself? Having been pushed back they feel like you're not interested. You reaching out might be all it takes to get things going.
So all your "friends are in relationships with guys who value them as people" but are they having sex with those guys? Because that can be a noteworthy part of feeling valued (more so for guys based on the previous poll). Again, I'm not insisting you should have sex at other people's whim's, just a thought.
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Anonymous
+1 y
You're a solid 9/10. There are plenty of guys who want a relationship. I'm 21 years old and never been on a date! I'm rejected by women all the time. I'd love nothing more than to go on fun dates like a walk in the park and some ice cream.
There's plenty of men who'll love you and treat you (and your cat!!) with the respect you deserve!
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baoailin
+1 y
Thank you for your answer :) I hope you find someone soon
Opinion Owner
+1 y
Thank you as well! by the way, I have a cat who looks just like yours!
Okay fine, you've worn me down, we'll make this relationship work, you seem sweet enough and you're just gorgeous, so, yeah, whenever you're up for our first date ;) ... I'm sorry I'm usually not an ass. I swear. Anyway... There's guys who aren't, I myself am really trying for a relationship. And maybe it's cuz I'm awkward but I can barely go for a hug on a first date lol. I think honestly... A lot if guys and girls rush into things cuz they're on the rebound in some way...
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5k1nnyXper 6
+1 y
Most guys seem to be very preoccupied with the nation of sex straight from the start, however, you should know that not all guys are like that. I mean, I'm not looking for sex at all, in fact I wish I could avoid the whole deal of sex altogether. So, not all of us are like the aforementioned nymphomaniacs you speak of.
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ryan4298Xper 6
+1 y
Not all guys are like that. Sounds like you've just had some bad luck lately. Your very pretty your gonna find a good one just keep looking.
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AiStandfieldXper 4
+1 y
The majority of men are like this, because they think they are supposed to be and have been trained that this is how "real men" act. I'm assuming you are dating men in their 20s because that is pretty common for that age group. Men in their 30s are more sensible but still stuck on this stupid idea.
Talk to the men your friends have that treat them well. Learn what makes them tick, and compare it to what attracts you. Realize that what you are attracted to is drawing in these type of men you are disappointed by, so you need to adjust your perception. We constantly do this over the years without realizing it, just take the initiative to facilitate proper change.
P. S. I think you're pretty.
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ccp16
+1 y
I really like your first bit there, so true.
cavmanierMaster
+1 y
From what I've noticed there are a lot more girls that what relationships and a lot more guys that want only sex. A guy interested in a relationship can be anywhere really. It may just take you awhile to find one. Good luck : )
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RexCatholicissimusXper 7
+1 y
Who's this random woman you posted?
That meant to be you?
Anyway your only place to find a large amount of men who aren't completely obsessed with sex is the Church, really. I know it sounds cliché but I've actually had a lot of women tell me some of the most decent men with good values are also churchgoers or at the very least, Christian.
Give it a thought.
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baoailin
+1 y
The woman is me.
epiman94Explorer
+1 y
Some guys are like that. And some girls are too. I've been in your same situation. I want a relationship too :'( Good luck! Cute cat, by the way!
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cjriggsXper 5
+1 y
Unfortunately, most guys are like that these days, looks like you've had bad luck in the past. If that really is you in the picture, you're very pretty. And it's a bonus you like cats.
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GoodGuyGregXper 4
+1 y
You are adorable lol. I don't know why we are wired different. Most guys aren't looking 4 commitment. We are immature that way we want to be as young and free for as long as possible. But we still want a females touch aka sex and other stuff.
So we try to do the short cut of thing like talk to you for a bit. And them just go for the. sex instead of really knowing you and seeing how great you are or are not. And really just having a good time. and then we could see where it goes.
We are entitled lol.
Don't worry your too cute not to find a good guy. Needle in a hay stack. Don't lose hope.
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