I've been dating for the past couple of months, since a breakup with a long-term boyfriend. I'm in school and I have a job, I'm very friendly and upbeat (always laughing and smiling), and I'm decent looking (not a 10 but not a 2). But every guy I go out with are just looking to sleep with me. I want a relationship, but on the first date they try to initiate something further than a kiss and then get mad when I refuse and never call again. I'm starting to feel really down about this, because my friends are in relationships with guys who value them as people and I want that. Where can I find a guy like that?
Most Helpful Guy
They don't, not in the sense you think. Sex is useful for unlocking a guy's emotional intimacy.
You seem to have a cute, pretty and warm look about you, if your personality resonates with this then it makes perfect sense to me that they would be eager to express themselves with you.
Think of it this way; from a girls perspective sex with guys requires trust, right? But from a guy's perspective sex with girls elicits trust, all generally speaking of course.
Guys aren't uptight about it so once they like you a bit, sex is a natural progression.
Look at this poll.
Looking at this poll, can you appreciate the significance and validation a guy finds in you wanting to have sex with him and what he might feel in absence of those things?
I'm not saying you should be having sex with guys whenever they want, but I'm not saying it's wrong for guys to attach that manner of significance to sex either. It's a natural inclination.
I'd just like people to better understand one another better. Those guys you're with could.. probably.. maybe.. stand to be a bit more patient. But you could also stand not to be so dismissive of male sexuality. Did you bother trying to call them yourself? Having been pushed back they feel like you're not interested. You reaching out might be all it takes to get things going.
So all your "friends are in relationships with guys who value them as people" but are they having sex with those guys? Because that can be a noteworthy part of feeling valued (more so for guys based on the previous poll). Again, I'm not insisting you should have sex at other people's whim's, just a thought.3