Why does it hurt when we bare our soul to someone and they ignore us, solidifying our fears?

It's hard for me to be myself and be honest when dating, but I'm finally growing up and learning that people will either like you for who you are, or they won't. You can't try to avoid something, for fear of losing someone. I'm a people pleaser that came from an abusive childhood and I've always carried that into my relationships. I ignore my needs/wants and let myself be put in situations where I put the other person first. I saw that happening this time and I told him I wasn't going to play this push/pull game, I knew he was scared, I was too, but that I had to take a chance and would be stupid to just let him drift away without saying that I thought I had finally met someone who was good-hearted and broken like me, and that if I didn't get a response, I would move on with my life, make peace with it, and wished him the best. It terrified me to be that for real, but I felt better. He never responded and it has been two weeks now. I hoped for a while he would respond, but it has been so hard coming to terms that I bore my soul to someone who had made me feel like he felt the same... only to not even care enough to say a word. I feel completely disregarded and hurt. Why does it hurt so bad to be honest and have someone ignore us?


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What Guys Said 1

  • While it may hurt, I think you got what you were looking for even without him saying it, wasn't meant to be! I personally identify with the way you describe yourself, I also overly care for the ones im with and neglect myself! What I've learned so far about myself is that its easier for me to bare my feelings upfront like you did here. That way you can at least move forward with your life sooner than later! :)

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    • That's how I felt at first, but the more time has passed, the more hurt I've become. It just hurts that the two months we spent getting to know each other and after him saying he liked what we had... him just ignoring what I said. Not knowing what was really going on... hurts. I don't know. It just hurts to have my trust crushed again. :( I wish I could think of something else.

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    • I think our generation kills things by merely texting all the time. I was growing tired of it. When I say date, I don't mean relationship. I mean spending time together. I felt like even that was too much for him. I mean, I highly doubt he'll ever talk to me again, considering I said I was moving on with my life if he didn't respond. And, my message wasn't saying I wanted to date him right now, just that we both are scarred from our pasts and that I was willing to be there for him, I just wasn't going to accept the push/pull. I've been talking to other guys, and maybe I should go out with them. They actually ask and call me, unlike this guy. Perhaps I should look at it like I got out before I got more invested, which is how I've grown. Usually I would have taken his BS until I was super hurt, but I didn't. Anyways, thanks for the advice.

    • There ya go! Going out with other guys sounds like a good idea, at the very least it'll keep you busy, thinking about someone else and hey you might even have a little fun! Im sorry this last guy wasn't a better experience, and i hope my advice was at least a little helpful! you're more than welcome to send me a message anytime you would like to chat! :)

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