Why is it so hard to get a damn date?

I can never catch a break, and it really makes me mad.

There's always something keeping thing from moving forward.

"I've got a boyfriend", "I'm talking to somebody", "I'm not interested in a relationship right now", "I just want to stay single right now", "If I didn't have a boyfriend I'd totally date you", why can't things be more straightforward? If a girl isn't interested, WHY give me her number? WHY put me through false hope?

I'm not ugly, women tell me I'm cute/hot/whatever.

Women flirt with me A LOT, but when I try and establish something it crumbles. I'm not an @sshole (but can be a real smartass sometimes) and am pretty funny and likable. Every time I get a girl's number, it's OK for a while, then they quit talking to me.

It's like with this last girl, her ugly douche boyfriend cheated on her and told her to move out, and yet she clings to him like she'll never let him go. And I have nothing. Maybe if I was some ugly, fat, redneck douchebag I'd get a girl. *shrugs*

I've even hung out with girls on multiple occasions and had people think that we were together, which p*sses me off because we're not (one being my friend's wife, when HE was there too).

All my chick-friends seem to think I should be able to get some hottie, but I don't see it.

Can someone please tell me what the hell is wrong with me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here is another answer too, eventhough I'm in your situation as well too, I don't know if I can offer good advice, but this one guy told me this and he agrees with me and you that girls have it easier, here is what he said:

    There's a great quote that gets to the heart of this question. "A woman can go to the bar, and if she really wants to, can leave with a man. A guy can go to many bars, and there's no guarantee he'll leave with a woman."

    I'd certainly say it's harder for a guy to get a girl than the other way around. Most women, from the time they were around 14 or so, have been getting attention from males. Guys, on the other hand, generally don't have a cache of women to choose from.

    That's not to say it's any easier for women; just because they have more options doesn't mean any of the guys available to them are really what they are looking for. On the contrary, the guys who are available to them are the guys who otherwise haven't found a girl yet; all else being equal, they're probably from the less-desirable side of the scale. Guys, on the other hand, will often be happy with just about any girl they can find.

    In the end, guys have to look harder to find a girl, but once they've found one they're easier to please. Girls don't have to look very hard to find a guy, in reality they don't actually literally have to find a guy, it just happens, girls are takers and choosers, guys go after what they want, yes there is a good and bad side to it, but being a taker and chooser is better because you have more options, you get to control the outcome situations more often, but they'll have to wait for some time to get a good guy. But still, even if it is a great, good, long-term serious committed relationship, the guy was the one that initiated it, did all or most of the work in order to get the girl to be in a relationship with him.

    Overall, even if it is a serious, committed, long-term relationship, a great one, or just a hook-up, one-night stand, casual sex, etc. Girls have it entirely easier initially, us guys have to do all or most of the work in order to anything with or from a girl.

    Thats why I think women have it easier.

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    • Well I would take that back on the part that us guys would be happy with just about any girl.

What Girls Said 2

  • As a woman, I'm going to give you our perspective... One problem could be the age of the people you're dating. It's showing you're in your mid- to late-20s. Are you dating people the same age or younger? If you're dating or trying to date much younger, that's a big part of your problem.

    Let's say you're dating women in your age range or even alittle older... Where and how are you meeting these women? If you're meeting them in bars/clubs/etc, then you have to change your venue. Most people going to clubs and bars are looking for a good time and nothing more. So if they don't act on it right then, they probably won't.

    Assuming neither of the above are an issue, it's most likely that 1) the girl truly doesn't know what she wants; 2) she gives you her number and then gets nervous or insecure in retrospect, feels bad, and so chooses to ignore you, or 3) she decides she's not that into you but too childish to just tell you.

    I'm not saying that's okay, but guys do it to as all the time, too, so don't feel singled out. Getting a date as a woman isn't exactly a picnic either :)

    Regardless, it's more than likely got nothing to do with you at all, but rather is about her and what's going on in her life at the moment. Hope that helps.

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  • hai ! i am a girl and in my twenties too , i wanted to say its not a matter of genre, it depends on your personnality , age and the potentiel parteners you might meet , for me i find it as hard as you say :)

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What Guys Said 4

  • Hey man, I'm in the same boat as you. I guess women just don't want us to feel bad and think that giving men their number even when she's not interested will somehow make it better. Then you try and call and they ignore you - which is a huge huge HUGE turn off for me when women can't just flat out tell someone they are not interested and don't want to talk to you.

    Maybe your pursuing the WRONG women? Looking in the wrong places? And maybe girls just see you more as a friend than anything else. That seems to be a fairly common response from people here. Once you establish a friendship its hard to make it a relationship. Whcih in MY opinion doesn't make sense, because that implies you shouldnt be freidns with the girl your seeing?

    I don't know, I doubt anything is wrong with you. Maybe some girls that ARE interested in you are intimidated by you and just don't show their interest, and thus you can't really approach them?

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  • Wow,

    I can totally relate. It's not you it's the girls. I believe it has to do with timing. I am 43 years and dated a lot and had hot girlfriends for a few years. My last one was a 29 year old attorney and she was hot but high maintenance and controlling so I left her a few months ago. Trying to land a good hot chick is not easy. I really want to settle down but I think missed the boat years ago. had a great girl and kicked her out of my life because I was not ready to grow up. Now the dating scene is even tougher. The best way to meet a girl is through friends or go to college. On line dating suck because there are 75% men on them. I have past my prime and had a good run so we just have to be patient and relax. Picking up girls in bar is not easy even for the best looking guys. Most women just like the attention. There are a ton of reasons why they give us the wrong number or never call back. They are the ones that pick up the guy. This is why I believe that timing is everything, if she is ready for a relationship you just have to be at the right place at the right time. From what I have read we need to just flirt and try to learn their body language to see if they are interested. this is something that most of us guys are bad at. Good luck to you and happy hunting.



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    • Actually as of recent I have started seeing a girl regularly (FINALLY). She's gorgeous, smart, and is a total geek (which is hot because I'm one too). She DOES have a baby girl, but I'm 23, I think I can handle that at this point in my life.

  • I'm in your situation too man, well probably worse because I've never officially had a girlfriend in my entire life, I've been on dates, but it's only been like 2 dates per girl, like it never lead to anything more, some girls have told me that I am not bad looking at all, and even cute, so I'm sure it is something else, I'm sure it is probably confidence. Which in a way is pretty unfair, because it seems for the most part, girls just have to be born cute or pretty in order to get a date or boyfriend, but us guys have to walk, talk, think, sit, stand, dress, breathe a certain way, like it comes down to our social skills, attitude, mentality. It's harder to win a person with those qualities you mentioned than it is to win someone over with your looks. It's like us guys have to initiate everything with girls, one girl told me the reason why us guys have to initiate is that's our punishment for not having to endure childbirth, lol, but nowadays it seems that women can skip that with the birth control pill.

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  • I've been there too, its happend to me like 5 or 6 times in which a girl has let me have her real phone number, and she would not answer or call/text me back, or just stop talking to me after a short while, I hate having to pass girl's sh*t tests!, I saw an answer to one of your question and you said you have had a girlfriend before, well at least you have had one because I haven't, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

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