Why are men either wusses or players?

It seems to be a pattern in dating that I've encountered.

Either men are super beta and can't even ask me out, and hid behind their cellphones for months on end and when you bring up dating, they feel like you've asked about marriage and leave you in the dust!

Or, the guy is a super alpha and is the douchey-ish jerk on the block. He chases women and drops them like hot potatoes the instant she might show she likes him too because it's all about the chase for them, not the woman.

Why he in the hell is it so hard to find a man that wants to work toward a relationship, be vulnerable, be consistent, and actually appreciates when a woman makes a move and shows she cares?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Alpha and beta...

    Agression and tenderness

    You need to find a man with that balance... Whos assertive and agressive also tender and caring etc

    Look at all the men you've spoken too... Alls you need to do is a find the 'middle man'

    Then BOOM!!! You're knickers will drop and you'll form a relationship and you're knickers will keep droping

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The only common denominator here is you.. you need to figure out why those are the only guys you are attracting / find yourself attracted to.

    Honestly, I don't think that most men meet either of those descriptions... they usually fall somewhere in between.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Because of altruism, the previaling moral code in society. The moral code says that there are only two possible ways to live: either you sacrifice yourself to others (the morally good way), or you sacrifice others to yourself (the morally bad way). That is of course a ridiculous lie. Either I let people kill me, or I go around killing people? Either I tolerate people raping me, or I go around raping people? Either I tolerate being cheated on by my girlfriend, or I go around cheating on her? No, there is a clear third option: don't tolerate people who want to kill, to rape or to cheat on you, and don't do those things yourself.

    The altruists peddle this false alternative with the (successful) aim of swaying the majority to go for altruism. No one can be totally altruistic, as one has to be somewhat selfish even to survive a few days. But, most people are altruistic to a great enough extent that it significantly affects, and indeed harms, their lives. Some people are disgusted by that and pursue the only alternative of which they know: sacrificing others to themselves. They also harm themselves.

    Feminism, Marxism, Christianity, religion in general: the list of culprits for this tragic false dichotomy is long. But, essentially, it is all altruism on a base of irrationality.

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  • "super beta"? wot's dat? anyway i believe u mean shy guys... thye need some time u know... u should take things more slowly wid 'em.

    as for da other guys who r douchbags... those guys don't need a 2nd notice... just leave 'em... ;)

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  • By super beta you mean shy right? People will either be vulnerable and empathetic or they will not. As for why they both ditch you, the reason the douche men will leave you is obvious but have you considered the possibility that the shy men don't consider you girlfriend material?

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    • My last experience, for example, he said he liked what we had, wanted to take it slow, and thought we could have something good. He got close to me, could never ask me out without putting the ball in my court, bailed one time, and then admitted to not being ready to date, but wanting to continue talking. He said in the beginning he was afraid that when I saw his demons, I would leave. I tried to text him after we had the conversation about taking things slow and him still wanting to talk despite me not investing because he couldn't invest. I waited two weeks to give him space. He ignored my light, friendly text. It was always wishy washy from the shy guy. I waited a few more days and realized he was disappearing, so I sent him the final text about knowing he was scared and so was I, but that I thought we had something between us and I was willing to work with him because I used to push guys who cared away too. I said I would move on/make peace/wish him the best of he didn't respond...

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    • If I'm right about him, there was never a real chance with him. I wouldn't take it too personally, if relationships were easy then we'd all be matched up. I had one really good relationship that gave me a very positive outlook on dating, and when I became single again I had to face reality and realized that it sometimes like pushing a boulder uphill. Often times trying isn't gonna be enough. You seem pretty sweet though so you probably aren't completely hopeless :p

      Sometimes the solutions are right in front of us though, do you know anyone who you think would be good boyfriend material?

    • I didn't see your second comment... so you're saying I never stood a chance with the intimacy issues, whether I reassured him or told him to fuck off? Like I said, I kinda felt like I was damned if I did speak my feelings and damned if I suffered in silence. I guess, after he said he liked what we had so far, I wasn't expecting him to ignore my existence. It was so unlike him. I am sweet and usually don't say how I feel, so I guess that's why this sucks, x10. Lol. All of our friend say he's a good guy, so it's just awkward that he's put me in this situation and is also acting distant/ignoring my friend's husband, his friend. It's like he's avoiding all of us. Maybe guilt at what has transpired? I don't know. It's just a very cowardly way to be. No prospects, but maybe sometime in the future. 😊

  • because those are the two reactions to frequent rejections... you either bekome a wuss or you stop caring. it´s hard to fall i between.

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    • What if you aren't being rejected and the woman likes you? Why do you still act like a wuss and then ignore her when she says she isn't afraid of your demons (what you were afraid of her leaving when she found out) and thinks you have something worth keeping/working on because she is broken like you? Why still be a wuss, if it pertains to being rejected?

    • well i personally never experienced a girl/woman who i was genuinely interested in that thought like this about me...
      i mean i can´t answer that particularly for the guys you refer to... but if it were me, i´d still think: "gosh you say you are not affraid of my demons but you don´t even know..."

  • Well, most of them had a bad parental upbringing so that's to be expected

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  • Awwwww dear.

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  • They are wusses until they have initial success with women, then they become players and treat women as disposable--because they learn that most women aren't worth the effort to keep around.

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    • What about women who show you they like you, aren't afraid of your demons (what you were afraid of her seeing and leaving for) and ones who try to be patient with you because you have a hard time trusting? Then, when she tells you that she won't play this push/pull with you and really cares and thinks it would be worth it to work together because you've both been broken in the past? How is that not someone you want to keep around? He kinda crushed me.

  • Ever watched the Kurosawa film 'The Seven Samurai'? It has always seemed to me women have the same problem as the villagers who want to hire samurai to defend them. "The weak ones are useless and the strong ones we can't control."

    They manage to find seven who aren't weak but who are controlled by various things, compassion, ideals, desire.

    Then they basically use and discard them.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe your looking in the wrong places for guys?

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  • Sounds like u just havevbad luck :( keep an open mind and you'll find the good guy :D

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