I'm steadily approaching spinsterhood and the shaved head isn't helping. Help?


I'm steadily approaching spinsterhood and the shaved head isn't helping. Help?

I'm 20 years old and in my second year of my MBBCh. So busy, busy med school blah blah. Forget all the grown up responsible stuff onward to the melodramatic breakdown. I've never had a boyfriend. [insert sobbing, wailing, ice cream - basically think Bridget Jones]
I've never been kissed. At all. Like the most action my lips have seen is the slobbery kisses from my gran on holidays.

I'm smart, geeky, knowledgeable about movies and music - and not just from the last two decades. I think I'm fairly competent in holding intelligent conversations. I'm friendly, I bathe often and clean my teeth. Like come on! Are there NO takers? I feel like I should be ticking some boxes here.

I recently shaved my hair off and donated it to make wigs for children with cancer. That's me after a bit of growth. People have been really nice and supportive but I don't think that it's attracting the guys. Not that long hair was doing so great either... but I digress :D I've heard a lot of snide remarks about appearing lesbian or butch and that guys won't approach me. Is this true?

I just don't know what I've been doing wrong and I feel like the clock is ticking for me here. I can't go on my first date when I'm like 24 with 0 experience. Guys are going to expect me to at least know how to kiss. I'm floundering people. Help me please :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Put yourself out there, go to parties, go to meetups for groups and meet lots of different people. Online dating is a way to go as well. Good chance you'll find someone to date your own age. Too many people just sit and wait and hope something will fall in your lap but it really doesn't work like that unless you're lucky.

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    • I'm really up for trying all those things. The problem is that I've got such a busy schedule. I'm up and out at 5am and get home from campus at 5pm. At that point I'm pretty knackered. So yeah, online dating sounds like a better bet and I'll give it another go. Hopefully less creeps this time around.

      And that's another problem. I'm not all that interested in guys my own age. Boys at 20 tend to be just that - boys. The maturity level disparities between myself and guys my own age have always been a problem. But older guys aren't looking to babysit an inexperienced girl. They don't want to have to fulfil the role of high school sweetheart, first kiss and all the rest. It's just too much.

      So dilemma.

    • Even if you enter into a relationship with an older guy and take things slowly, it doesn't mean that the guy is babysitting you. So #1, stop putting pressure on yourself like you have a time limit to when stuff happens. Personally, worrying about stuff tends to make it worse. You just have to look for a guy who is understanding and believe me, I know it's easier said than done. But if you don't give it a try then you will be holding out for something that may never come. I remember dating in college being really difficult with full class loads with labs every week but finding a couple hours a week to try and make a connection is important too. I totally understand not being attracted to typical 20 year old boys since they're working out a lot of the in's and out's of dating and being in relationships just like you. I'm just a big proponent of having fun at that age and worry about the serious stuff later in life but everyone is different.

    • I suppose that's true. I've just always had a "burden complex", my mission in life is to make other people's lives easier. But that's a psychological minefield I need to wade through on my own time.

      You're right though, I need to stop worrying about time and doing things according to some kind of socially dictated schedule.

      I'm definitely all for having fun. I'm not looking for anything massively serious. I think my application to the fun club might have got lost in the mail.

What Guys Said 1

  • You're pretty and you sound cool, maybe you have to make the first move

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What Girls Said 3

  • You can try online dating, I know it may not be ideal at least you can get some experience even if the chemistry isn't on fire. The reason behind you shaving your head, yes may be admiral but maybe not sexy to CERTAIN guys, but I don't think that should discourage you. Don't feel upset, you seem confident as it is, just keep the conversation flowing and hopes up x

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    • Hey :D I've tried online dating with mixed results. Creeps galore and nice guys who weren't that interested in meeting in person. I'm not sure how I feel about it now.

    • Yeah I bet, however you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and I would be honest, the good ones tell them you're looking to meet up etc. Not just a chat partner x

  • Hey! You're only 20!
    Right now, if nobody has kissed you or been on a date with you, it's because they don't deserve you.
    You sound like a totally awesome person and I'm pretty sure that you will find somebody! Also, it doesn't matter how old you are when you go on a date for the first time- it's nobody else's business!
    Hope this helped! Good Luck!
    Lucy xx

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  • 20? Spinster? What? No! You're nowhere close to that

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    • Haha I agree but I feel like my situation is going to snowball. You know when you're shampooing in the shower and you flash forward like 15 years by going through every likely (and most disheartening scenarios), yeah this question is basically a result of that.

      I just feel like if I don't get a foot in the door now then I'm never going to find my way in. Does that sound crazy?

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