Girls, all basic things equal, what causes you to give one guy a chance for a date and/or a relationship, but not to another (serious answers please)?

Sometimes it seems logical and sensible why girls give some guys a "yes" to a date or relationship, and other times, it seems cruel and random. I'm trying to figure this out so I don't make the same mistakes over and over.

So let's say there are two guys - both are physically and mentally healthy, no disabilities, nothing like that. Neither are significantly more or less physically attractive than the other. Both have at least average intelligence. Neither have serious alcohol or substance abuse - they may or may not drink socially or moderately but they certainly don't have alcoholism, and may or may not use marijuana and/or "soft" substances but neither use hard drugs at all, and neither smoke. Also, both are mentally stable - no dangerous or creepy personality quirks, no misogyny, no racism, or stuff like that, no significant criminal history if any at all. As far as religion or politics, if they have any beliefs at all, they keep it to themselves and don't let it get in the way of getting to know someone.

Basically, I'm trying to eliminate all the obvious dealbreakers so I can figure out why girls say yes to one guy, but write another off as "just a friend" if even that, and don't even give him a fighting chance to prove how good he could be for you?

Also, can you give examples of the sort of guys you would say "yes" to for a date or a relationship, and the sort of guys that you might consider as a friend but would say "no" to without even one date (assuming all of the above things are equal, the guy has decent looks, and you can even hold good conversations with him)?

Serious answers please, since I'm really trying to understand this to give myself the best chance I can, avoid more gut-wrenching rejection and heartbreak, and start enjoying the relationship I've been hoping for. Thanks!


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What Girls Said 2

  • I have often thought about this myself; why I was outrageously drawn to one man and not another. The only thing I can say here is that unspoken chemistry. Someone once told me that somehow you can even sense your genetic makeup and that this may be part of what makes the sparks fly...(I was drawn to a man once whom I found out later was the same.. polish that is) I am not so sure about that or not. There is also the element of timing I think. There are awesome people that I may have went bonkers over had I met them in a different time.

    It also may have to do with a person's background and/or family; that is what was modeled to you from your parents you may subconsciously be attracted to because it feels "familiar". I ended up marrying someone very much like my mother but at the time did not recognize or see the similarities (which were not all good traits.. but they felt normal at the time); likewise someone may subconsciously be looking for their "father".

    Those that I considered a friend many times were because I was still hung up on someone else; or they may have done something even slightly that caused me to "turn off".. like being too anxious or something. I remember one example was a man that had all of the above you mentioned but when we communicated he would stutter slightly. Another had a tone of voice that I did not like.

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    • Do you think that it's possible, though, that someone who is "just a friend" might have a chance if they change themselves? If they look at themselves, get rid of their shortcomings, get some strengths, and overall become a more attractive version of themselves? Can a guy shake that loser stigma and prove he's someone new?

  • its just who you "click" with.

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    • Have you ever heard of people who didn't click at first, but then wound up clicking with later? If a person changes, don't you think that might reset the whole "clicking" because they have a new personality?

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