I only want to date "perfect guys"?

so Im mentally not ready for a reltionship even tho i really want to mee the right guy. But whenver i meet a guy it ends very quickly-

I belive i have high expectations towards guys and in dating in general. I think the reason for this is my inexperience, i haven't seriously dated anyone and neither did any of my friends growing up, so everything i know about dating is dating that happend in movies and tv-shows.

I guess i "expect" it to happen fast and smooth, i expect us to like eacother from the get go, the first dates goe and great and before i know it we are in a perfectly happy relationship. But when i meet guys and reliase they aren't like my "dream man" i lose interest. To be honest i think its a self macanism of some sort because if the guy isn't "perfect" that means we need to work for it to happen. I have to overlook that he doesn't like the same things as me, or the fact that he likes dogs better then cats for exmaple.

You could say i expect guys to me "perfect"(even though i know perfect doesn't exsist). but i dont get why i even expect that because i know im not perfect, at all. I dont consider myself super hot or super interesting, so it make no sense that i want a "perfct guy". I have a lot of issues and i know that its very rarely the guy that does anything wrong.. its 99% my fault in terms of judging the guy based on very shallow things.

I dont know how to stop doing this.. help?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop looking for a perfect person (looking top down). Look for a friend instead (looking bottom up), find just one thing in common and try to build a relationship. You don't look at what's wrong with them, you can find fault in any stranger, look at what's you like. Find that one thing you like and roll with it, get to know them and find out more and more interesting things and come to appreciate more about them, you don't get to know someone overnight. You'll find out what you really value in a person and what isn't that big a deal. Dog vs. Cats is like whatever to me at this point, but being humble, comparable in intelligence to me, and pretty chill about everything is very appealing to me.

    I met this girl and when I first shook her hand and got a look at her face I thought "meh, but it's not like I've got any other prospects, let's see what happens." A couple months later and I'm smitten and she's the most beautiful girl in the world. She had massive boobs and I'm usually into small, but after knowing her I can also appreciate big boobs. She had this weird walk where she walked with her right foot turned inward all the time, it was kind of awkward I suppose, but I thought it was so cute for some reason. She could draw, which I can't, but it was so cool that she could and I loved that about her, even though I don't care much for it myself. You find thing interesting or special that you didn't know you'd like. Or you find other things don't actually matter anymore compared to what your really like about them. You can't imagine the perfect person so stop comparing people to that. Someone becomes perfect for you by being right in all the ways you couldn't imagine and you compliment each others imperfections. Don't look for perfection. Make a friend (s), build bonds, grow closer and perfection will find you.

    God, that was fkn cheesy. :P

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your viewpoint on men and the dating process is entirely unrealistic as well as unfair and inconsiderate to the unique timeline of various different individual's lives.

    Having standards is a good thing: having expectations is not. Having expectations means that you will be dismissive, ungrateful, and unappreciative for the positive attributes someone does possess. It also means that you won't be patient and understanding when and if they stumble through the relationship/dating process. You need to get more realistic about the human condition. You also need to HUMBLY ACCEPT that men were not put on this planet to please and impress you. They have greater purposes to fulfill besides meeting the requirements of your picky expectations. You're not entitled for the male gender to bend over backwards and commit their personalities towards fitting in this small-minded little box you've constructed for your idea of how a relationship should play out. Accept that we are all human beings with flaws and your mentality will lead you to nothing but a lonely feature with 50 cats.

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    • you are basically telling me everything that i know.. this its not news to me

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    • i was asking for help... how to stop doing it.. how to be a normal person

    • If you can humbly accept the truths I mentioned in my post, then the mentality should slowly but surely dissipate.

What Guys Said 8

  • first of all u shuld realize movies and tv-shows r fake :p

    anyway... if u keep on chasin da "perfect guy"... u'll always fail... u know y? coz "perfect" doesn't xist! u even said it by yerself ;)

    so best u can do's lower yer standards in my opinion... and stop judgin every little things he'd do u might consider bad... of course i'm not tellin u to date some guy who's crap accordin to u... but someone like 7-8/10 at least ;)

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  • i hope you like cats..

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    • I do!! i love them <3

    • gotta stop watching disney movies lol

    • i dont watch them.. but with no real life dating experience and some emotional problems did you really think i would have a realistic view on dating and guys? lol

  • There's no such thing as perfect because it's subjective to people's taste and what they're after. The only thing I can say is to give others a chance instead of judging them even for experience if that helps

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  • be perfect first to have such a requirement... .

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  • Prince charming isn't real lower you standards

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  • Be ready to be used as nothing more than a lukewarm hole for these "perfect" guys to put their dicks in, that's what is probably going to happen. The men at the very top have many options, if you are not exceptional yourself, you aren't going to be anything to them besides a quick lay.

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    • well lucky for me im not desperate then since i dont sleep with guys im not in a relationship whit.. mots guys dont get past date nr.2.. thats the reason im still a virgin... you really dont know what your talking about obviously

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    • why not?

    • -because they have lots of choice, you yourself said "I dont consider myself super hot or super interesting"... well they can get women who are, so why would they chose you?

  • then go ahead

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    • and do what?

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    • dude gtfo with your shit!!! just go date ugly and average looking guys now fuck offfdddd

    • lol.. you came to me.. whatever dude

  • Everyone wants shit they can't necessarily have. Grow up!

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    • did you read my question or are you just unempathetic?

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    • yeah... i know... im clearly stating that what im doing or feeling is unusual and that i have issues.. There is not perfect person, end of story.. Thats one of the reasons im still single.. and asking this question.. im seeking help

    • most people have accepted this by now d00d, I duno what to say! lol

What Girls Said 4

  • hmm.. be more open-minded in dating and try not to make it perfect. We are on the same boat here and i end up disappointed myself. We girls tend to have this ideal situation and if it's not met we have a hard time accepting the situation. It's just hard when we expect something from a certain person (date guy in this sense), and the situations also changed when we least expect it (found out feeling aren't mutual, conflicting interests etc).

    Probably all i can say is enjoy your time together and don't expect anything coz things will naturally take place.

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    • good advice! i think my expectations are making date unfun..

  • You can't really stop your stardards and preferences. If you ignore them you'll be unhappy. Just keep looking for your perfect guy

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    • the thing is that guys aren't robots, there is no "perfect"... im going to be single forever with this mind set and i know it..

    • You can find a guy with great traits and mannerism anyways

      If you feel its that bad of a problem see a therapist.

    • yeah! why is that @Bards? It's not dating him out of pity.. We wanted to reciprocate their feelings. I thought it was weird of me to feel bad when ignore a guy..

  • Sort out your negative feelings first before you put yourself in the market for a good guy. If you think you are shit now then you will meet a shhitty guy who will treat you and make you feel shitty. The law of attraction can't go wrong here.

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  • You're not perfect, I'm not perfect, nobody is perfect so you shouldn't expect your boyfriend to be either.

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    • did you read my question at all?

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    • im not offened at all :) i didn't realise i came off like i was either, lol

    • Oh it's totally ok. Good luck!

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