My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We are both 24. For the most part I feel like he puts our relationship first but sometimes I can't help but feel like he tells his family big news that happens in his life before he tells me. For example he recently got a big job promotion and he told his mom first. I read an article in some magazine recently and it was saying that in a true partnership that you usually tell your partner the big information that goes non I'm both of your lives first because that is part of what being in a true partnership is all about. I feel like he doesn't do that with me. When I got my high raise at work and other good news I always tell him first. How do I phrase it to him to make him understand that I want to be the first to know his news whether good or bad? And that it hurts my feelings when he doesn't tell me first.
Most Helpful Guy
I read all your writing and the comments from the others. Communication is really important between a couple. I agree with you, when my girlfriend has big news, I want to be the first person she tells and would feel hurt and neglected that she went to someone else first (regardless of family). He isn't dating his family, he's dating you. In you he places all of his secrets, fears, doubts, weaknesses, stresses along with his hopes, dreams, goals, and victories. You are the person he has chosen to guard his trust. The same is true of him. So I don't think this is a 'hill' that you're fighting over. Yes, things can always be worse, but you aren't worried about those things, you're worried about this hill sitting in front of you right now. What you need to do is address it to him and explain it clearly that you feel hurt and placed second when he tells this news to his family first. To him, it might sound ridiculous, but just assure him that you aren't trying to be selfish, just want to be first in his life. You deserve to be first in his life since he chose you to be first in his life. That's what a relationship is, and that's why it's so important. We are with one person and are to be as one. When he knows something, you should be the next one to know it as well. Think Marshall and Lilly from How I Met Your Mother. They had no secrets and the moment anything happened, they both knew it, almost as one (which is how it's meant to be). Maybe not so extreme as they are with every single detail, but the general idea of the major stuff, the important stuff. You are not his number two girl, or his number three. You are his number one. A boy should love and respect his mother, but always place his partner first. Period.0
Most Helpful Girl
been here... its usually though because his whole life all he had was his family and so he was used to telling them first. It is nothing personal.
The annoying thing for me is that he forgets to tell me this stuff so i find out about a month later and he thinks he did tell me so then i get treated like i dont care about him and i forgot... grrr.
Explain to him you want to be the first person he comes to for things like this! x1