How do I explain this to my bf?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We are both 24. For the most part I feel like he puts our relationship first but sometimes I can't help but feel like he tells his family big news that happens in his life before he tells me. For example he recently got a big job promotion and he told his mom first. I read an article in some magazine recently and it was saying that in a true partnership that you usually tell your partner the big information that goes non I'm both of your lives first because that is part of what being in a true partnership is all about. I feel like he doesn't do that with me. When I got my high raise at work and other good news I always tell him first. How do I phrase it to him to make him understand that I want to be the first to know his news whether good or bad? And that it hurts my feelings when he doesn't tell me first.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I read all your writing and the comments from the others. Communication is really important between a couple. I agree with you, when my girlfriend has big news, I want to be the first person she tells and would feel hurt and neglected that she went to someone else first (regardless of family). He isn't dating his family, he's dating you. In you he places all of his secrets, fears, doubts, weaknesses, stresses along with his hopes, dreams, goals, and victories. You are the person he has chosen to guard his trust. The same is true of him. So I don't think this is a 'hill' that you're fighting over. Yes, things can always be worse, but you aren't worried about those things, you're worried about this hill sitting in front of you right now. What you need to do is address it to him and explain it clearly that you feel hurt and placed second when he tells this news to his family first. To him, it might sound ridiculous, but just assure him that you aren't trying to be selfish, just want to be first in his life. You deserve to be first in his life since he chose you to be first in his life. That's what a relationship is, and that's why it's so important. We are with one person and are to be as one. When he knows something, you should be the next one to know it as well. Think Marshall and Lilly from How I Met Your Mother. They had no secrets and the moment anything happened, they both knew it, almost as one (which is how it's meant to be). Maybe not so extreme as they are with every single detail, but the general idea of the major stuff, the important stuff. You are not his number two girl, or his number three. You are his number one. A boy should love and respect his mother, but always place his partner first. Period.

    • Wow you worded it much better than I ever could. That's how I feel a partnership should work. You share news first and you put each others wants and needs first especially into adulthood once relationships start getting more serious

Most Helpful Girl

  • been here... its usually though because his whole life all he had was his family and so he was used to telling them first. It is nothing personal.

    The annoying thing for me is that he forgets to tell me this stuff so i find out about a month later and he thinks he did tell me so then i get treated like i dont care about him and i forgot... grrr.

    Explain to him you want to be the first person he comes to for things like this! x


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What Guys Said 3

  • I think you should not let it worry you so much or take your relationship advice form a magazine... I never got the fuss over big news and who hears it first, why it such a big deal? If I got a big job promotion, I would just tell who ever was around first, I wouldn't really think 'OMG Who should I tell first?' I really doubt he thought it was such a bid deal to tell people. Maybe getting married or having a kid is the biggest deal I could think of to actually worry about who hears what first.

  • Just remember, he has a lifetime habit of relating to them, while you are relatively new in his life. And whatever you do, don't cause friction with him or his family by being jealous. You NEED their support for your relationship.

    Give it time, sweetie. You have a whole life ahead of you.

    • I am aware of that. That wasn't my question. My question is how do I word it to him that I wanna be in the know first.

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    • Why though? Why can't I just be like babe we have been dating 4 years and we are a team and a couple and it makes me sad that I am always coming second to your family when it comes to hearing your good news do you think you could let me know first? Or something to that effect. I just hate that he is a grown man and he is still putting mommy before his serious girlfriend in a sense.

    • Well, now that you put it that way, I hear you a better. Try talking to him but make an emotional appeal like you did when explaining it to me. Don't shame or criticize him or you are liable to get a negative reaction.

      If this is the only problem you have, things could be worse. You have to pick your battles. Is this a hill you are willing to die on?

  • Girls want guys who are "family oriented". Then they complain when they get exactly that. Smh

    • There is a difference between being family oriented and never putting your SO first after you been with them a while. I just hate having to find out everything second all the time. As his girlfriend of 4 years I feel like I shouldn't always be finding out his news second best. There is being family oriented and then always coming second

What Girls Said 1

  • does he tell you 7-8 hours after? if not you are fine.. happy parents, happy partner, happy relationship.. he cares about them you should be proud of that I think

    • Yeah for the most part. I just don't get why he is always putting them first. I would think as an adult you would start telling the person who us going to be by your side your exciting news first.