Girls, Is my girlfriend being unfair by not letting me have guy time or am I being immature?

Don't get me wrong its cool to be in a relationship and I spend a lot of time with her but one day a week I would like to go out and drink with some guyfriends. I haven't gone with them in the 2 months since we have been together and when I told her today that i plan to go out with some guys she told me she wants me to get out of the bar scene and doesn't want to worry about what I will do. I don't want her to go with me cause if she goes I'll be only with her and it won't be catching up with my guy friends. I told her guys need guy friends and I need to chill and just talk about sports, make a few sex jokes, and just plain be a guy. Am I wrong?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Controlling Run!! what about her doesn't she go out with her female friends? doesn't she have friends?

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    • I told her to go out the same night I do and it will be a night away from each other but were both not lonely. She has friends but has spent more time with my guy friends. It turns out I talk to her only and its not really guy time. She is clingy in some ways I went out without her and texted her to tell her I'm ok and checked in. I came back to my place alone and didn't flirt around minus seeing an old friend from HS and we had a hug and talked about an hour to catch up. A hug with one girl i knew since I was 13 is all that took place.

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    • I agree she wasn't happy about the hug and I told her it was friendly that's all. How would you feel I'd your man hugged a girl he was friends with in HS and hasn't seen for a while?

    • I would be fine with it.

What Girls Said 14

  • Let me tell you a story. My ex boyfriend acted like that. He wouldn't want me to hang out with my girls unless he was there. Bottom line, he didn't want me having fun without him. What I say is, it's nice to spend alone time your girl, but it's also a good idea to have some time for your guys. Dont cut out hang out time with friends just because your girlfriend is getting a little clingy lately. She needs to learn to share you :) and that other people want to hang and have your attention :) equal hanging with friends and girlfriends is best.

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  • There's nothing wrong with having guy time, but that's not the issue here. She's worried about you getting too drunk at the bar. Go out and come back that night without getting too drunk so that she'll trust you and then she'll probably let you go out with your boys more often.

    I went out with a party animal once and I was always worried that he would cheat on me when he became too drunk, your girlfriend might have similar worries :(

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  • Sounds suffocating. If she has reason to worry about what you'll do at a bar, then you need to consider how to fix that, but if she's just paranoid or clingy, you have to decide whether you can live with that. I would not be willing to give up that much of my personal freedom.

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  • I don't think it's wrong. Perhaps you should ask her why she doesn't trust you? All couples need to have their own time and hobbies. It wouldn't be very fair if you weren't allowed time to just be a guy...

    Talk it out with her. Try to see things from her perspective, but also don't let yourself be pushed into something that may make you resent her later.

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  • No your not wrong at all! You need time for yourself & catching up with your friends is important! Maybe try asking her this so it doesn't fuel an argument :" Maybe we should both have one night a week where we both go out & catch up with our friends & have time out for ourselves? Go wherever we want to go with our friends & do whatever we want to do?" Try asking your girlfriend to something that affect in whatever way you would like to put it & hopefully it might help 😊

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    • I suggested that and when I did go out without her I checked in and told her I was fine. Ineven told her I saw a girl ibwas smfriends with in HS and we hugged and talked for an hour and it was just friendly. She wasn't too happy with that lol I don't know what to do if she gets jealous over that.

    • Oh! 😧 I have to say from my opinion as girl it sounds like she has trust issue & insecurities for some reason could be a possibility or it's just in her personality to be jealous! Still talk to her about & if she still doesn't want you to do it sorry but if I where you I wouldn't put up with it there is no need for it if you trust each other

  • Um, she sounds ridiculously controlling. You're absolutely right. Relationships are about equality. Just like she wants to hang out with the girls some nights, you have every right to just refresh with a new group of people. Kindly but firmly let her know that you love her, but you enjoy spending time with your friends do and it's not fair of her to force you to avoid that.

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  • Your not wrong, everyone needs some space in a relationship, but maybe she's just worried you'll do something at the bar... Why don't you go somewhere else with your guys, maybe she'll be calmer that way

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    • I kinda want to drink lol I haven't had a really wild night in a while and I just want to get trashed. We have a DD and I would hope she could trust me not to cheat.

    • Well maybe what she doesn't like is you getting trashed, and it doesn't matter if you have a dd, anything could happen it doesn't even have to be in the road

  • You're absolutely entitled to do. If you guys have only been together for 2 months and she's already trying to restrict you, that's a huge red flag. Especially if you guys are young, going out for drinks is expected

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    • Well I went out for drinks every Thursday and Saturday with my buddies before and I spent 2 months not drinking and i kept her updated last night. I hugged 1 girl I was friends with in HS and we talked for an hour and told my girlfriend and she wasn't very happy and asked if we had a thing in HS. I don't know its kinda reaching that point where I want some freedom.

  • She is being VERY unfair. I bet you would let her go out with her friends in a heartbeat, and you deserve the same. It's not like you never see each other, as you said.

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    • I would let her were not an old couple were in our esrly 20's I dont want to have to settle down so young and I am still in a stage where I like to go out and get loose. I won't do anything sexual or flirt around with other girls.

    • Even "settling down" doesn't mean you can't go out with friends. She needs to learn to trust you, and you need to reassure her that you have boundaries. Maybe getting completely shitfaced isn't the best idea. That's not the way to gain her trust.

    • Well I'm going to get buzzed lol I'm not driving I'm gonna have fun but idc if she goes out for a few drinks with friends and I told her this. It would be nice if we both went out the same night with our friends in different groups so no one has to feel left out.

  • It's not wrong everyone needs to have their own time. Just don't stay out too late.

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  • I think she's being unfair by not letting you spend time with your friends but it's obviously because she cares about you. y'all should really talk about it and show her you should be trusted.

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  • You are doing nothing wrong. She is just worried about you. She wants to be with you whenever she can, and also seems quite protective. Perhaps if you let her tag along just once, but asked her to sit a bit away from your 'group'. If you can always ask the guys if they want to come over to your house and hang out there. Overall the best option is to tell her that you NEED guy time, just like she probably hangs out with her group of friends.

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  • No, I what's wrong with having guy time

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  • Sort of, I guess. I would not like it if my guy went for drinks.

    I would rather he go do some other things.

    But yeah, you should get a little guy time.

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    • Well we're going as guy for drinks lol and I'm sure my guy friends won't let me flirt around if I do get hammered. Nor do I flirt around when I have a girlfriend lol I'm loyal and never cheated before. I told her she can go out and get grinks with her girls and have fun if she wants. I like to drink from time to time and haven't drank in the 2 months we dated.

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    • I never hung out with them since we started dating as a guys only thing. She was at least with me and I spent all my time with her when we went places besides bars with the group. She told me to slow my drinking down cause I used to go out every weekend and I stopped all together. This would be the first time I had a drink in 2 months.

    • Then tell her that.
      Talk to her and explain more.

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