So I have been dating this guy 5 weeks and he said my family wouldn't approve of you?

Our dates have been so amazing and he has introduced me to some of his best friends and, well its been great! I really started liking him... but this past Sunday he was drunk and said, "I dont think my family would approve of you". Then not too long after went to sleep. I brought it up next day and he said he didn't even remember saying that and he probably was mainly talking about his mom...

He lives an hour away and we only see eachother once a week. I brought it up tonight via text and told him I was concerned with his comment about how he didn't think his family would approve... he played it off and was like I said I am sorry twice... and I said well have a good trip (he is going out of town for this week) and we will talk later. He then was like you are being passive aggressive by threatening to give me the silent treatment... what are we not going to talk for four days? I said I am going to drop it because I dont like being upset or harping on stuff...

We just said goodnight... is this doomed?

HELP!

  • Move on.. he is letting me know he doesn't think this will be serious
    45% (5)20% (1)38% (6)Vote
  • See where is goes, there is still a chance it may work
    55% (6)80% (4)62% (10)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all take nothing at face value of what someone says when they're drunk. People think that being drunk and saying things shows true inner feelings? No, it doesn't. A lot of drama happens when people get drunk and they say things that are stupid. Whether they think it's true or not, the fact remains that he doesn't even *know* for sure about much, he just decided to say something stupid while being drunk.

    You've given him many outs to come clean with it and talk about why he would have said that, and so far he's denied it would be a problem, and at best, thinks his mom might have an issue. Even then, this is his assumption, and if he had some bad experiences in the past - it's still the past and you weren't even in the picture then.

    I voted to see how it goes because I think one mistake of saying something stupid should be a relationship killer - especially something like that. And besides, worst case scenario is he's right - you meet the mother and she doesn't approve. Big deal. Trust me when I say there is always a work-around in relationships when you know you're with the right guy and things are going well. I married a guy whose mom hates me for being white of all the stupid things, and before me, she made excuses why she hated every woman he was ever dating. You sort of learn to live with a juggernaut MIL in your life who is only jealous that you are living the life that she wished she had, plus the fact you are being favoured now by her darling son, who she thought would always put her first in life. You just carry on and be happy with your guy and everyone's attempt at making you both unhappy will be wasted efforts. Just like bullying, if you ignore it, they eventually will get bored of picking on you and realize it's not working.

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    • Sorry, should have said: *shouldn't* be a relationship killer.

What Guys Said 3

  • Well my current girlfriend told me the same thing about a year and a half ago... and wouldn't you know it, she was right! Now we live together, and her mom despises me. Something I am going to have to tackle in the future if we are going to have peace with her. It is possible that he is simply preparing you for an inevitable confrontation. But you have only been together for a couple months.

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    • I kind of viewed the comment as he viewed me in a negative lesser light... or maybe was trying to say he isn't going to think of me as someone who he can commit too... i dont know perhaps i am reading into it wrong.. what do you think? when i brought it up over text he didn't seem to happy

    • Well, it was easy for me. I knew and understood why my girlfriend was saying what she was saying and it was easy for me to see that she was more concerned about it would affect us than it was about me in specific. However, you seem to be getting some different vibes here and the little voice in your head says this is a perception of his about you... always listen to that little voice of yours, you can trust that more than anyone around you. It's there for a reason and you'd do well to pay attention to it.

  • Instead of apologising, he should face up to the fact that he apparently doesn't think his mom would approve of you. And he should make a decision about what he's gonna do: please his mom, or stay with you.

    Anything else is just sweeping it under the rug, and it will rear its head sooner or later.

    Tbh I think he's the one being passive-aggressive.

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  • Sounds like this has more to do with him not liking his family than him worried about whether they like you or not.

    I don't think guys give half a shit about whether their family approves anyway, that's really more of a girls thing.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I'm not sure I really see the problem... at all? But then I'm the one with the disapproving family. My family has never liked any of my boyfriends, so I've just accepted it. I warn my boyfriends-although I do it when I'm sober.

    My most recent ex and I dated for 6 months in secret. I told my mom about him the day I moved in with him and we ended up married. We were together 5 years total.

    My current boyfriend is once again someone they would not approve of. I told him before we went exclusive (I have reasons specific to the situation) and I will tell them about him as soon as he gives me the ok. I will not move out with him the day that I tell them though. It's going to have to be a little different now that I'm older.

    But yeah-so his family won't approve? The relationship is between the two of you, isn't it? There may be some occasional drama or added stress in there at times, but if he's worth it, he's worth it.

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    • ya but why bring that up at all so early on? like to me it was a dis... to me i feel like he was saying i wasn't good enough for his family OR he was making up some excuse as to why he is not going to take him and i very serious

    • I bring it up early on so that the guy knows from the beginning that he isn't going to be approved of by my family. I know I like it when a guy's family approves of me, and hey it's human nature to want to be accepted, so I let him know ahead of time so he has proper expectations (in terms of family approval).

      You are jumping to conclusions. You don't know what kinds of girls his family expects him to have. For example, my moms dating advise to me: "don't worry about the butterflies, find a guy who's beliefs match yours and will be a good provider." Well, I'm sorry, but I can't bring myself to judge a guy on that. It doesn't mean that the guy isn't good enough FOR ME (no, he may not be good enough for my family, but I'm the one dating him), or that I won't take the relationship seriously.

      If you cannot accept that his family will not approve of you-and it's entirely possible that they may NEVER approve of you-then move on. If that is one of your relationship needs, then leave.

    • That's why I tell a guy early on: if you can't handle not being liked by my family, then let's end it before things get serious and we both end up hurt.

  • Ehhhh... if he can stop being a baby about it and just come right out it can work out, but if he wants to keep playing his insecurities on to you then I have my doubts.

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    • why do you think he said that? and why is he bring up family SO soon?

    • Your guess is as good as mine :/

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