How do you message girls on OkCupid?

I'm having no luck on OkCupid and I've had it for a while. I message girls and say hi and I also message them and talk about their profile but nobody ever answers. I don't get it. What else do I do? Can someone help me 1 on 1 with this problem😕


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Most Helpful Girl

Most Helpful Guy

  • In my experience it really isn't a whole lot different than real life, the only exception being it's hard to make playful teases because text doesn't convey tone or body language. Make an observation, make a joke, ask her a question and be interested in her, share a bit about yourself but don't brag.

    I've had the most success with sending a message of 6-8 sentences split in to two short paragraphs. Ask her a question about something, make a funny or interesting comment, and share something about yourself related to that topic (doesn't have to be in that order). Do that for one thing in her profile, and one thing that isn't in her profile that you'd like to know about her.

    If she replies, asks you some questions, and share's some things not in her profile with you, then that's a good sign. Send 2-4 message each and then give her your number and tell her to call you (if she gives you hers and says she wants you to call her, that's fine). Call her, chat for 10 minutes or so, then tell her you have to go but you'd like to meet her for a date and schedule a specific place, date, and time to meet.

    Also, I've had the most success messaging women while they are offline, and sending those 2-4 messages each back and forth over the course of 2-3 days. Attraction builds when women have to wait and think about you. Women need time to think about you and decide they like and are comfortable meeting you. A woman can develop that certainty she wants to see you in just a few minutes in person, but online she can't hear your voice or see your body language so it will take much longer to make her want to take the risk to meet you so don't ask too soon.

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What Girls Said 4

  • To be honest with you. OK cupid caters to mainly women. They almost always seemed to get more attention. I showed it to a guy friend and he says the rarely gets a reply, but his twin sister gets several everyday. I'm sorry, really. You might want to try other sites.

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    • Dating caters to women as you are the choosers!

    • As I said, I'm sorry. One thing, though. Try to avoid simple "hi/hey/how are you/" stuff. Too vanilla and they never catch my interest. I snagged my boyfriend from that site just by asking him if he knew of any shoegaze bands as my first message to him. Mainly because he mentioned on his profile that he was in a band and had a huge diverse list of music he loved.

  • You aren't doing anything wrong if you are saying "Hey, How are you?" or something like that

    They will not respond if they are not attracted to you physically.

    Make sure you don't just depend on dating sites.

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  • what is okcupid? is it a dating site? most girls on there are either cat fishing those poor motherfuckers or want someone who meets their standards. You shouldn't waste your time on there.

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  • Hm... I'm thinking

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What Guys Said 13

  • The thing with "dating sites" is that they're like a dumping ground for people who don't feel comfortable socially interacting with people in real life (generally, not always, but more often than not).

    As a result, whenever there's a somewhat attractive girl on one of those sites, "ALL" of the guys who come across her profile are going to contemplate contacting her, and many of the men who "thought" about contacting her will be more likely to contact her than if she were standing in front of them as a complete stranger in real life.

    This has pros and cons. The "pros" are that she gets more guys contacting her. The "cons" are that she's now flooded with choices.

    There's a famous salesperson story about customers and choices. If you give a child a choice between (10) chocolates and tell to pick whichever ones it likes, it will "decide" within seconds. If you give a child a choice between (10) chocolates and tell it that it can only pick one, it will be there for minutes.

    Well, when girls are "flooded with information," first, it causes what economists call, "reactive devaluation." That means, if "Brad Pitt" messages you on Facebook, it's made your day! If "Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise" message you on Facebook, now Brad's effect is 50%, and Tom's effect is 50%. If (80) people message you on Facebook, expressing interest in you, then the "value" of all of their expressions of interest has just been reduced (i. e., de-valued).

    So, when I open up my inbox and see (36) messages saying "Hey" or "hi" ... and (17) messages saying, "Dayum mami, you like super cute babe," and (4) messages saying, "Hey, what's up, I just wanted to tell you that I liked the pictures of your cats on your profile. I also have two cats myself." . . . then it doesn't really matter what any one person ended up saying. It's like, "Ugh, another guy messaging me. Ugh, another guy messaging me."

    Then, it becomes an "ego fest." One of the ways comedians make a living is by catering to the human emotional need to feel "superior" or "better than others." For example, consider the following:

    "If we don't win, we risk losing."

    "Rarely is the question asked: 'IS' our children learning?"

    Well, something similar happens on dating sites. The "Ugh, another guy," starts turning into a source of entertainment and ego validation. . . "Omg, how friggin' desperate... Eww... lol... Haha, yeah I'm sure you're interested in my kitty you friggin' perv."

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    • There's only one dating site guys should be on... MillionaireMatch. com. Not because you're actually looking for a girl who responds to you on MillionaireMatch. com, but just so you can get to experience how it feels like to be on the receiving end of endless waves of attention. For like the first hour or so, it feels good, it's nice, it's flattering. . . then mildly pleasant. . . then boring. . . then annoying. . . then depressing (because it starts giving you bad ideas about women, but you have to remember that your "methodology" - the way you're selecting your "sample group" for your "fundamental attribution bias" - is not "completely random," so any conclusions are not representative of "all women in general"). But, it's definitely an interesting experience, and I highly recommend it. . . almost as much as I DO NOT RECOMMEND that men go on other online dating websites.

  • I don't like dating sites. I think that lots's of men and women are there for the wrong reasons or have unrealistic expectations.

    Have you ever seen the inbox of a girl? If not you should ask a female friend if she can show you he inbox of a any dating website. They get stupid messages like "Hey" or "Hey there". Or if the guy wants to be really poetic he might write something like "Hey there good looking". I'm not sure what those guys are thinking but I'm sure no girl is gonna say "Wow. I think I just fell in love with that guy".

    Once you realize this it's easy to write something that will make you stand out of the crowd. But be aware. Women might not read all their messages. It's just too much, so it's also a numbers game.

    And try to make your profile like you have a life that she would like to be part of. I don't mean saying that every day you buy a different Ferrari. Just find something real in your life that girls find exiting. You'd be surprised to see that girls might find things exiting that you didn't know were exiting.

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    • Forgot to say. If you have trouble meeting women. Use your male and female friends to meet women. Online dating cannot compare to meeting someone in real life.

  • Dude go outside the reason those chicks are on there are because they have a nasty ass attitude and super high standards so no guy wants them... hell you get more attention from women outside than on that site xD lol

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    • You mean, outside of my basement? where there is sunlight? I don't know about that

    • Yes lol I know it's scary but trust me it's worth it I had better experiences with women outside than on that website xD if you don't look like a model you need a miracle to get a girl to be interested in you

  • Sounds about right for dating sites. On them men are like sperm heading for an egg. There are millions of men but only one girl and you can't all get lucky as well as most dating sites use fake profiles to lure men in. These profiles do nothing except look enticing

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  • bro comon now if you don't replies back cause those girl have 100 other other guys texting them the same lame text bruh

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  • The ratio of men to women on those sites is quite lopsided. That said, just keep plugging away and you will get responses. I did.

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  • I will usually message-blow them off-end our relationship in a single blow by either just saying hi or insulting them :P

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  • I tried it because I was bored and stranded out in the country. I met someone on there and had plenty of girls to choose from. I found that it was actually really easy because all the other guys were complete fuckboys and the girls were really glad to talk to someone who isn't a total creep. Be nice, have fun, keep your profile breif and possibly make sure your selfie game is on point. Oh do the questions too that's a really important part.

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  • Are you wimp or nerd? These steps, how do they work?, you have no idea, . You must be crazy what you must understand on the other end you are only seeing dummy fake profiles which these women never created , they are artificially created by bots. Most sites are paid they charge your for services, if you want free membership join some chat rooms like those of yahoo, irc, and many more just use the google

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  • meeting girls in real life would be much better option I think, that has been my experience at least...

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  • this is happening in all online dating websites.

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  • Just go out and put that all shity apps away from you. It's not worth it.

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  • i get plenty of answers. most are on it just for kicks.

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