What if you don't want to be a player, and you don't want to get played?

I've never tried getting a girlfriend, because:

First Reason - I'm kind of shy in front of girls. In college there are classmates that I've flirted significantly with. But I never made any advancements beyond that.

Second reason - I tend to think about all the bad things that can happen. For example what if I'm no longer interested in her after 2 months? It would be mean to just dump her because I want to try dating another girl. I know it would certainly suck if I was the one dumped. And what if she's no longer interested in me, and cheats on me? Since it's so prevalent nowadays.

Third reason - I basically like every attractive girl that I see. For example in college, I would flirt extensively with a girl in one class. Then I would also flirt with another girl whom I found attractive in a different class. When the first girl saw me flirting with the other girl - she didn't seem so happy, and she was never that friendly towards me again. But I know girls do this to guys too, and it would suck to be the guy that's getting worked up. Sometimes a girl would "date" 2 guys at the same time, and then choose the one they want - I bet the guy doesn't appreciate being an "option".

So it seems like you're either a player, or you're getting played - that's why I've never tried getting a girlfriend.

What if you don't want to be a player AND you don't want to get played?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to keep something in mind: there's nothing wrong with wanting to try dating a few people, you just have to make sure you're doing it one at a time. If you want to get to know one girl, make sure she's the only girl you're focusing on. Go on a few dates and see how it goes - if you don't like her, just tell her that you don't see things progressing. At that point, you can move on to another girl and so on. You also have to consider the girls you're approaching. You can also try casual dating, but you have to make it clear to the girl that, that is your aim.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wait a minute, flirting with different people doesn't make you a player. Looking at a ton of different girls, finding them attractive and liking them doesn't make you a player. It makes you a guy, like 95% of the other guys out there. Lastly, just because you get rejected or just because a girl doesn't explicitly state her interest in you after you flirted with her doesn't mean you are getting played. It means you are in the same position as most any guy around.
    Man up and go start getting rejected, it sucks a little, but every now and then you hit it off and you have fun with some genuinely nice attractive girls. You treat them decent and most of the time they will be decent to you.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Find a loyal woman, go in hoping for the best but expect the worst. You just got to try you might b hurt a couple times but in the end it's worth it

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  • try to find someone who is also neither.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Being a player means you lie about your intentions and or emotionally manipulate girls in order to get sex. Also if you are secretly seeing multiple girls at the same time.

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