Boyfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week after a big fight?

We are both 30, been dating over a year, not living together. We typically get along well - it's a laid back, relaxed relationship.

I invited him last week to meet my family. He repeatedly agreed to come but cancelled last minute. As in the day of, I called him to ask when he's coming over and he said he didn't feel like it. No excuse other than "I'm tired babe and I look like shit." I should make it clear that he cancels constantly, not just on me but on his friends, his family, and his own plans (amazingly enough). So I've never taken it personally but just considered it a flaw in his personality.

However, this time his cancelling was disrespectful to my family, who were coming over specifically to meet him. And it was also the second time he has done so. This was not acceptable to me. I told him so and he said sorry and he knows he's messing up etc but I was angry and had enough - this is my family we are talking about. If he didn't want to go, he could have simply said so; instead, he promised to go and then bailed without a legit reason. So I said I wanted to break up.

I admit I have a bad habit of saying break up whenever I'm angry. I'm working on it and I realize it's harmful to the relationship. We always get back together in a day after I calm down. In any event, I grabbed my things from his house that very day, gave him a hug (even when mad, I don't like burning bridges), and left. Haven't heard from him in nearly a week and I also have not contacted him since. This is unlike us as we usually make up within a day or two.

I'm not sure what to do. I understand he might be tired of constantly breaking up and that he's really done... do you guys think so? Should I contact him even though he was in the wrong? Or should I just wait and see if he contacts me... and if I should wait, then for how long? He hasn't deleted or blocked me from anything, which he usually does with exs, so I'm hoping that means he doesn't consider us really broken up.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't contact him, go on about your way.

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    • Do you think he considers us actually broken up though? Or alternatively, if I don't contact him, will he eventually call me instead?

    • He thinks you are broken up... and you are broken up. You were right to do it. The guy you want to be with would realize what he was doing was wrong and prove that he gets it by doing more than apologize and in this case that isn't something that happens by a phone call are even a few weeks od separation. You do not want the guy that you would go back to without that so go on about your merry way and find the guy you want. You don't want him to call you back.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I kinda understand where he's coming from. For me it's really hard to meet other people especially my s. o. family because there is a lot of pressure to be liked. I'd say just contact him and talk it out.

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What Guys Said 7

  • This is a tough situation on many levels. On the one hand, this fellow of yours lacks the respect and class to cancel on people in a timely manner, I don't know about you, but to me time is one of the most precious things we have and him cancelling things constantly is a waste of time and that is wrong. He needs to treat his family and you with more respect than sloughing you guys off constantly and doing it at the last moment of all things.

    On the other hand your knee-jerk response of "Lets break up" is also a problem as that's not very respectful of him or your relationship.

    You guys need to sit down and talk about how important this relationship is to both of you and whether or not you're wholeheartedly committed to it. I don't care how flaky a person is, you don't flake on your girlfriend for the entirety of the relationship and certainly not when her whole family is expecting you. And yes you need to work on the whole "break up thing" because that only pushes him away more.

    If he doesn't contact you then I think you should reach out to him, and since its been more than a week, its probably time for you to contact him, but you guys need to seriously talk things out because it just doesn't look like either of you is 100% into this relationship.

    Hope that helps! If I sound harsh, I don't mean to be :)

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  • When it comes to meeting the family of your boyfriend, or girlfriend, this can sometimes build in someone's mind into something so overwhelming. Yes, he said he wants to meet your family and did agree. But it is possible that he's under a lot of subconscious pressure in what they will think of him. I'm curious if he's broken other promises to do something or be somewhere, or if it was just with your family. I feel like your relationship is struggling a little more than him not wanting to meet your family. There are clear communications that are not being properly relayed. From what you've said, he is perfectly comfortable in not telling you what is really going on, which only leads to confusion, fear, and your inevitable explosions in the relationship. Now, you've stated that you shouldn't break up after every fight (perfect advice), and you are justified to be upset. But keep in mind that until you really know what's going on, it's your job to uncover the truth. If he won't tell you what's going on, that is on him and is hurting your relationship. It's nice he'a apologizing and recognizes that he's 'messing up', but what is he doing to fix the issue? A relationship takes two people, and it doesn't matter how much you love him, if he isn't trying, it will fail. So find out why this is happening. Don't interrogate him, but you deserve to know what's really going on. Yes, call him and find out. The worst thing is that he ignores you and you have to take more time to find out. Just remember, don't mark him as a criminal until you've discovered the crime. He has been rude to you, but until you understand his side, it won't be cut and dry as to who should apologize, who should call first, who should try the hardest.
    (Note: some guys need time to cool off so make sure you give them time, but not too much or they turn to iron and never want to talk)

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  • Likely he knows he went too far this time. Maybe he's trying to manipulate you into being the one to say 'breakup' by doing this. He knows that you would break up if he cancelled on your family like this. Some guys like to put the responibility on the other party!!!

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  • In my opinion you should contact him. If you really like him and want to be with him and try to work out your problems. Yes, it was wrong and disrespectful of him to cancel because of those reasons after he promised you. But you ended the relationship. I would feel exhausted if this was a reoccurring thing. I would always go around worrying if this time was the last time. I can kind of relate to your boyfriend with regards to cancelling on everything because I don't feel like it. But I don't make promises I can't keep and neither should he.

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  • I think first of all he might be depressed! Canceling plans at last minute can be a sign of depression cause the person isolates himself...
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    Second yup i think he is tires of you breaking up everytime you two have arguments...
    I wouldn't want to be with a girl who breaksup after every argument... It's irritating and immature... And he might have loat feelings...

    But i think you should contact him...

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  • "considered it a flaw in his personality."- sounds controlling and pretentious.

    AND LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING- do you always say what you are feeling?

    I can't tell you HOW MANY TIMES I have wanted women to just say what she wanted and how she felt. Do you do that to him?

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  • Just give it time. He'll come around

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What Girls Said 0

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