Question about moving in with the boyfriend? :)?

So I finally made up my mind that I'm moving in with my boyfriend of three years (I'm nineteen years old in case you were wondering) :) I obviously love him deeply and know this is the right step to take in our relationship, but I'm also the littlest bit nervous about the move because I'll have a lot less privacy and might potentially embarrass myself down the line, lol :) I guess I'm curious about your most challenging aspects of moving in with your boyfriend/girlfriend & how you managed through the rough spots :) What did you like best about moving in together? Did you have any regrets about your decision to take that step? Thanks in advance & also what was really fun about moving in together? I obviously want this to work out and not ruin good thing we have going so I wanna be absolutely sure that this won't make things different between us in a negative way.

Thanks for your help!!! :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't worry too much about it. Don't over think it. When I moved in with my girlfriend, it was not planned. It happened kind of slowly and was just the natural course of things. We spent the night together more and more. Eventually we got to the point where it was almost full time. When we got our own place and lived in with each other for real, there wasn't even any discussion about it. We just did it.

    As for privacy, that's going to be important. In all relationships it's very important to know how much space and time alone the other person needs. Everyone needs some amount of that, but how much they need varies a lot. When you move in together, this gets amplified. You aren't going to want to be in each others face 24/7. You can't be talking 24/7. So you have to give each other quiet time and alone time.

    Basically you will be living together under one roof, and in close proximity, but you still need to be individuals with your own needs and wants.

    Have you talked about finances? Like how you'll split bills, groceries, furniture, dishes, etc? Will you own things jointly? Or will one of you buy some things, and the other person buys other things? If you own jointly, how will that work out if you separate? How will you handle it if one of you loses your job?

    Who's going to do the chores, grocery shopping, washing dishes, cleaning the toilet? With many couples this just naturally works out with little to no discussion. But it can also cause heated arguments.

    This is the real thing now, not pretend. You asked about what was most challenging. I don't really know. It wasn't challenging to us. We just naturally slipped into it gradually over time. We also gave each other a lot of space. She did her thing and I did mine. We spent a lot of time together, but we also did a lot on our own. I don't really remember any specific challenge, but maybe I'm just forgetting. It was really about all the little things combined. So you just take them one at a time.

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    • Hey, thanks for answering my question in such great detail!! :) Hearing about your good experience about moving in with your girlfriend makes me feel a bit better about the possibility of it happening for us :) We've pretty much talked about everything already (we've known each other for five years but only dated for three of them), but we both have jobs and I'll be helping out financially. He's six years older than me so he has obviously completed college/university and has a set career. We have designated chores/responsibilities already and know who's doing what :) The only thing left to do is actually commit to the move but I'm still a tad uncertain because I have heard horror stories from other people about how the person is totally different once they move in & they end up regretting it. But your situation sounds like it's running smoothly and I think I'll do it eventually but not anytime soon, aha :) Thanks again for your uplifting perspective :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, I think you're quite young and that moving in right now could be a little soon.. only because that's a really REALLY serious thing. But i don't think you shouldn't do it if you feel like its right for you. My only thing is, I hope you know living with someone doesn't mean you just live there and they only care for you (unless thats the set up you have and he has enough money to take care of you both..) its a responsibility.. a home... whether its an apartment or a house.. its work.. bills need to be paid, if money is tight.. it could bring friction which you both will need to overcome.. sometimes being around each other all the time can be a lot, and there may be times where yourself or your partner will want distance and it could offend the other.. because some people need more distance than others.. and it can become suffocating depending on what kind of bad habits either you might have. If you've spent multiple days together then you may have had an insight of how one lives, but its sa whole different ball game.. you won't know until you're in it.. but i strongly advise that you prepare for the worst and always hope for the best.

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    • I definitely see where you're coming from :) we've talked about this in a lot of detail and I have a job & obviously attend college too so I'll be helping out financially. I don't expect him to take care of both us because I'm sure that will be costly but he's older than me by seven years so has already graduated & has been working for a while also :) He has brought up the idea of moving in together so I don't think he'd mind shared spaces & less privacy but I'm the one that's holding off on the idea because I don't wanna intrude on his place. He has reassured me many times he really wants me to but I'm not officially decided. You also brought up a lot of things to consider so I don't know!! Lol :) you would encourage or discourage & is it only because I'm young that you're opposed to it? I've always been independent & able to take care of myself :) thanks for answering g my question by the way :) It means a lot that you included so many details in your answer :)

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    • So it was something I had to get use to... and I did.. I got use to that while we werent living together, so a lot of our "bad" and "good" habits we already knew, and we already figured out before we lived together which made the transition quite seamless.. I'm cleaner than him, and like things a certain way, he's a mess but tries to pick up after himself because I can olny complain so much... its annoying at first but you have to make the living environment work for everyone... I think compromise is key, and being stubborn won't work :P i'm not stubborn im a peace maker and I am a balancer in the relationship whereas he can be a bit of a hard head sometimes.. but really.. worst thing... you can't ever find middle ground.. dont let your anger get to you, you live toegehr :P thats my only advice.. just.. never go to bed angry over silly stuff and you will be fine! :D

    • We pretty much have the same situation going on, lol :) Well I'm not gonna jump into anything without thinking everything through so wish me luck if I decide to move in :) & I'm glad things worked out for you & the guy! :) I think in this case it's better to have common interests so no one has to sacrifice personal preferences & comfort levels :) again thanks for sharing your experience with it & I'll keep your advice in mind when landing on a decision

What Guys Said 16

  • Congratulations on your decision! It is hard to find love and commitment the other person these days. With that said, I think you should do everything but stress yourself out. Of course, It is hard to not be nervous, but try not to be. The point of any relationship, and in particular one that is moving forward, is to enjoy it.

    It is understandable that sometimes we do not want to mess things up when we make big decisions like moving in together with our significant other. But I think the only thing that matters is that you love the lucky guy and have the WILLINGNESS to move in together and do your best to make it work, and that is love right there. Nothing else should preoccupy you. You should be yourself and continue to feel comfortable with him! If you do that I do not see how things will affect you negatively in any way. The worst that can happen is that you or him finds out that the two of you are not meant for each other, which is not the end of the world. Sometimes we think it is, but it is not, things happen for a reason, and both parties need to be comfortable with the relationship.

    But I have no doubt that everything will go well in your moving in! Like I said, the fact that you are excited and love him and have the willingness to make it work is the best you can do, and doing that will bring you the best of all outcomes.

    #loveisintheair

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    • Aww, your answer was really helpful and I think you're one of the few people that support my decision, lol :) Also thanks for being honest and pointing things out I may have overlooked :)

  • Honestly, I feel like that's too young. I wouldn't have been mature enough to manage this at least until I was 25-26ish... and most of my gf's at that time would probably say now I wasn't mature enough even then. I've been living with my girlfriend now for about a year, I'm an old guy at thirty now, and it's working out well, but we each kind of have a level of independence from each other that makes it work together... if that makes any sense to you.

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  • I understand wanting to move in together. But it's no guarantee that you will get married, furthermore I read where couples who lived together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who didn't. I can understand you being nervous. This is a huge step and it tells me you are committed to your boyfriend. There will be adjustments
    that both of you must make. Good luck to you.

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    • It's true about the divorce rate! And I sure as hell wasn't ready for anything that serious at age 19 lol.

      chastityproject.com/.../

      Click the "Research" tab, scroll down to "Living Together", and there are a bunch of articles. I'm not judging you if you go through with it; but because you love your boyfriend, you'll want to know what the risks are before you sign a lease together. Best of luck to you!

  • That's great I feel happy for you Im still an adolescent however for me I think relationships are not so much about decision making weather I want to move in or not it's all about the close connection I feel with the other person like for me it's not about complications it's about if the person is similar to me and if she is than we automatically know how to get along and know how we will get through our ups and downs and one other thing it's never about decision making its only about the connection we would both feel like theirs no love or hate it's just the matter of me loving her for who she is because she's another part of me And for me I don't believe in if someone is another part of me and something tragic happens between us I just cut the person out of my life because that's like cutting myself in half and my other part not being their and it would be like going to war because in this world war this everything earth is a war zone and people in general think it's fun long story where I come from with all I'm saying but you however seem like a nice sympathetic lady I hope I helped and I hope you can help me if you can ever find my questions

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    • Aww, thanks for answering my question & I appreciate your advice :) & of course I would to answer any of your questions if I think I'd supply good advice, lol :)

  • well moving in together means spending more time together r8
    some times you might discover things you didn't really knw about ur boyfriend and him knwing about yours
    this might ruin your image of him, but this is how it should be r8, cuz no one's perfect
    you might have a lot less privacy but that also means you can get to know each other more and better
    and ther maybe fights in the beginning but that's normal
    so go for it and have fun, find out more about ur boyfriend and let him know more about you
    Good LUCK

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    • Aww, thanks for your advice & encouraging words :) I think you're right that we'll find out more about each other and it may or may not be a good thing, lol :) Anyway I guess it's worth a try because we do plan on getting married once I graduate so this I'll just be practice? ahaha :)

  • The biggest issue I have had the times I have moved in with someone or had someone move in with me, is just the total amount of crap that people have. Combining two peoples stuff takes a lot more room than you would think, and it's a hard to find room for everything. It's been the main source of contention in my experience

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  • If it makes things in a different way then you will have learned something important. My main advice is don't sweat the small stuff. If you can't get the basic household stuff done without arguing, you aren't ready for a serious relationship, at least not with each other. You should be able to divide chores, cook and cleanup together without a fight.

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    • We haven't put anything into action yet, but we've planned the 'maybe' game, lol :) Like we've already divided the chores as if we already live together and know who's doing what but now it's just a matter of committing to the move :) And I really appreciate your advice & help :)

  • Well, i will say relationships can be positive for while but they can tend
    to become negative. It's the chance you take to move in together ,

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  • You'll never know who a person really is until you move in with them. I hope for the best for you.

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  • Every relationship i've seen where only one person worked, and they lived together, have had problems. You're situation could be different, but I thought I'd mention it.

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    • We both have jobs & I'll definitely be helping out financially :) His is an actual career as he's already finished college/university whereas mine is just a job because I'm still enrolled in school :)

  • are you religious?

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    • Yes, of course I am :) Why do you ask? :)

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    • Thanks for your advice & although it doesn't seem like it I do appreciate that you're trying to warn me against something you've witnessed firsthand :) I'll keep my eyes wide open for any signs that are suspicious and make me question my relationship with him but I think I'm in the clear :) Thanks again

    • no problem. good luck. also, keep Paul's warning to heart: So let the one who thinks he is standing beware that he does not fall.

  • i dont see anything bad about this

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  • Walking around in the nip with no problems :D

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    • What does that mean? Lol :) I honestly don't know

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    • Okay, you can go around in panties... I have no fear!

    • You're funny lol :) & I never considered that until you started talking about it but still sounds a little bizarre, lol :)

  • I don't recommend doing this, moving in, unmarried

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    • I would think you'd want to get a glimpse of life under the same roof before you got married.

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    • I think I agree about trying to live together before getting married :) You don't really know what you're getting yourself into unless you see the person in their natural habitat, lol :) That being said we are getting married a few years down the line because I know in my heart he's the one for me :)

    • If he hasn't proposed, don't assume

  • I lived with my girlfriend in college, that's probably responsible for us breaking up. lol

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    • Aww, I'm sorry to hear that & thanks for sharing your personal experience with moving in together :) Definitely gives me something to consider, lol :)

  • How long have you two been sexually active?

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    • We've known each other for a total of five years, dated for three of them & been sexually active for three years as well :) would you encourage or discourage the idea of moving in together? :)

    • I cannot say, seeing that I have never had a girlfriend. I had sex, but just no relationship. So in that aspect I cannot help you.

    • Aww, I was hoping for your opinion but I understand you don't have experience with relationships & everything that goes with that :) thanks anyway! :)

What Girls Said 11

  • I've never had a boyfriend live with me yet, for one good reason: moving in with people can ruin your relationship.

    I moved in with my best friend two years ago, and the first six months nearly ended our friendship. When you live in that close of proximity to someone, you see then in ways you're never seen them before. They will get on your nerves, they will nitpick and nag you, or you'll be the one having to nitpick and nag because you discover they're a slob, etc. However, how we worked through it is I had to learn how to listen and communicate. Luckily I've always been a very rational person, which is where my bestie struggled, and she was a very emotionally strong person, which was something I struggled with at the time. She learned to let little shit go, and I learned to accept criticism. We also had really important discussions about things we had to consider: literally our relationship is so solid that if she wants to have sex with her fiance she just knocks on my door and asks me to put headphones in.

    Just set down some basic rules before you move in: tell him what your cleanliness expectations are, things of that nature. And when something bothers you (for example, lets say he doesn't cook often enough) tell him, but do so in a rational way that isn't naggy.

    Good luck.

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  • I'd say, the biggest challenge was to accept that he was going to see me without makeup and all gross some days... he's see my hairy vagina in between wax days... he'd smell my nasty breath in the morning... he'd hear/smell me fart... he's notice when I'd go #2... basically, it was just accepting that I wouldn't have those "breaks" in between seeing him to only present my "best self" 24/7. He's going to have more opportunities to see you when you aren't feeling/looking so hot and you won't be able to control it.

    You DO need to establish expectations about who will do what chores, cooking, cleaning, etc... and who will pay for what.

    Financial expectations are important. Don't ever assume it will work out on it's own.

    I think the only thing to keep i mind is that us ladies do a TON of growing in our 20's. I don't think it's a good idea to move in with someone until you're already established in life or you could be setting yourself up for failure... regardless of how long you've dated or how much you love them. There are just too many variables that could shift with educational opportunities or job opportunities. You don't want to be tied down to such a huge commitment without having the legal commitment like marriage, to back you up. Just something to keep in mind. You shouldn't have to rush into living together unless you are each solid individuals.

    Just based on the people I knew, the majority of them didn't last long living together in their 20's. The people who did when they were late 20's early 30's had almost no issues.

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  • I'm considering doing the same thing with my boyfriend next year or early the year after that (I need a better job first...) so the most I can do is empathize with you and how nerve racking it might be 😅 Have you guys gone on vacation together yet? And how often do you spend the night with each other?

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  • If you are moving to his home (and whole family will be there) it's going to be tough! I moved in with my boyfriend 2 years ago so it's us plus our child, his parents, 2 siblings and one restroom!!! I don't even know where to begin lol... first of all I dislike them. They are too noisy they never clean the house so it's always messy, they eat like pigs and the siblings are of ages 15 (sis) and 18 (bro) they don't cook on their own, they don't clean their rooms, mommy still tells them to take baths and washes their clothes as for his parents omg the dad always criticizes everything we do or buy as if he pays for it the mom is just annoying, we all fight over the restroom in the morning and they all have ugly feet with fungus so I'm just like ewww omg girl I can't even anymore lol I hope it's just you and him if so then things will be great (:

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  • Just creepin' to see other peoples' answers.. boyfriend and I are considering living together..

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  • I believe it will be a smooth transition if you are both in love.

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  • Are you religious? i have no personal problem with you moving in with your boyfriend. However if you are religious, abstaining from sex till marriage might be important to you. Also, just a question, why play house with someone who is not your husband? I've personally never understood that.

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    • you can't accomplish ANYTHING without putting god 1st... i know, i've tried. i failed a woman who needed someone to talk to... i went in panic mode, said horrible things... that was 6 years ago...

  • Have fun. Act like kids. Nerf gun wars. Pillow forts. Marshmallow battles. Make cookies together. Think of all the fun possibilities :).

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  • Get ready to hate him and all his bad habits! You never truly know someone until you move in with them

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  • If you are only moving in with your boyfriend because of fun then you will be in for a surprise. I never lived with a boyfriend before but no relationship is perfect and from what I heard from people who have lived with their boyfriend of girlfriend is that you get to know the person and they tell me things like you have to be comfortable like farting for example.

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  • its not a good idea.

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    • Why not? :) just wanna hear your perspective along with everyone else? I'm still undecided :)

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