Would you be involved in a polyamorous relationship?

Personally I would like to be involved in a polyamorous relationship since that way I can be with many women and it wouldn't be considered cheating.

If you aren't sure what it is I wrote a myTake which explains it
http://www.girlsaskguys.com/sexual-behavior/a11552-a-sociosexually-unrestricted-view-of-sex-relationships

  • I am currently in a polyamorous relationship
    4% (2)5% (2)5% (4)Vote
  • I would like to be in a polyamorous relationship
    18% (9)27% (10)22% (19)Vote
  • I am curently in a monogamous relationship and want to keep it that way
    30% (15)19% (7)25% (22)Vote
  • I would like to be in a monogamous relationship
    48% (24)49% (18)48% (42)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Is anyone for polyamorous relationships stance going to comment?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would love to be in another one, honestly. If one can bypass the insecurities and jealousy, it can be a wonderful experience. Especially if the two lovers could be friends outside of the triangle, it strengthens the bond even more. It's wonderful to be loved in that manner by two people and be so open about it. Refreshing even.

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    • I've always wanted to have two girlfriends that would know about each other and get along. Maybe even be involved in a three-way.

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    • That's why I'm thinking of starting off monogamous and then once the relationship has become established to bring up my desire for other women. It will be easier to convince someone that already knows me than some random girl I just met.

    • IF they're open minded enough to try it. My guy wasn't originally, but he would do anything to make me happy and it was something I'd wanted for a very long time.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Im in a Poly relationship. But poly has many levels. It can be a strict open relationship (like Will Smith is in) or it can be many people having deep relationships in a group or it can be some massive occult thing if you want. Its just a path one chooses other than monogamy. I know a few things about myself:
    - I can love more than one girl at a time.
    - I can lust after many women at one time
    - I believe that traditional relationships in Western Culture is a social construct, like religion. You can choose those things and be happy, but there are alternatives. It doesn't make you bad or wrong, its just different.
    - Sex can be intimate or recreational.

    So it just makes sense to me to be poly and I am happy. They most important part is negotiating boundaries and navigating jealousy. But this can be done.

    And to all those who think your are a "manwhore" or man-slut"... Im a goddamn proud whore. If one person, just one, can argue why its not right to NOT be a slut, I will be amazed, as you have some insight that nobody has.

    I am in a strict open relationship. We let each other have things we can't give each other. For example

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    • I think monogamy is influenced by religious values and even though people are becoming more secular they are still keeping most of what religion has taught them.

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    • Thanks man. I didn't even know you could choose two MHO's. Interesting.

    • It's a recent addition I just found out today.

What Girls Said 18

  • No way! I'm very monogamous by nature, I could never be polyamorous. If I'm with someone, I wanna be with that one person only. So all that polyamorous stuff is not for me.

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    • Is it because of jealousy?
      Because different people can have different relationships. You may like one more emotionally while like another more physically.

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    • What's your point?
      It's not that I don't understand why people would be polyamorous, I see the point, I just wouldn't do it myself. You're the one who doesn't get monogamy.

  • over my dead body.
    monogamous all the way

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  • Again. Case in point. An excuse for men to be manwhores. No thank you.

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  • I don't think I could ever be in a Poly relationship I know some people that are and good for them, I don't have the strength too. A lot of the people I know that are, are in one because they want to see their partner happy AND they are capable of loving more than one person and be totally open minded. I couldn't because I get jealous and I know I do. But also it's just not for me x

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  • It's not for me. Just as you are polyamorous, I'm the opposite. I only want one partner at a time and having multiple partners just doesn't appeal to me. I don't even want sex outside of a relationship. I know you probably think that monogamy is weird and try to convince me to be polyamorous, but it's not going to work. Other people can do it, but it doesn't appeal to me. I don't see what's so bad about wanting to be monogamous.

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  • I my opinion, i think it is better to be in a monogamous relationship. I get jealous easily and I am pretty selfish when it comes to my guy. I don't want the idea of him being with somebody else and I don't think I can be with someone else beside my significant other.

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  • no way!!! i prefer monogamous relationship!!!

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  • I think that for some people, that is the best option. But for me, it is not. I would not be happy in that type of relationship. I much prefer a monogamous commitment.

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  • No thank you.

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    • Well the major difference between polyamoury and cheating is that in polyamoury all parties are aware of each other while cheating is a secret and can be seen as an act of betrayal.

      I'm not saying you will be disappointed and hurt. I'm saying that there are men such as myself that would like to be with more than one women for a number of reasons I list them in myTake (check out the OP for the link) and that an ultimatum of "it's me or her" is unreasonable.

      Let's say you liked 5 different types of chocolates and someone said that you could only have one wouldn't you be upset. This is an oversimplification but I hope you understand.

    • Again, no thank you. I have the right to be in a relationship that I want and am totally comfortable with. If my partner wants to create a relationship structure that I am not comfortable with, I don't have to go through with it and I won't.

  • I would like to be in a monogamous relationship. I respect those who prefer that lifestyle but it's not for me.

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    • How come? Is it a result of jealousy, insecurity or something else?

    • I honestly don't think a person that prefers a monogamous relationship and someone who prefers a polyamorous relationship would work out very well.

  • I'm in a polyamorous relationship (it's three people, including myself). However, I would never be willing to have an open relationship.

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  • Fuck no, that shit ain't real in my world lol

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  • In reading your comments I see that you want to be with more than one woman. Ideally two bisexual women to have 3somes with. But would you be OK with your woman being with other men too?

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    • Yes of course. If she wants MMF than she can find 2 dudes that will do it cuz I'm not into that.

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    • Thanks, I guess trying to convince a monogamous person to be ok with polyamoury is like getting a homosexual to become bisexual. It's possible but very difficult.

    • Not every possible with me, I'd NEVER even consider it...

  • Three (or more) is a crowd.

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    • Well that leaves people like me with a choice, from the start tell the girl that I want a polyamorous relationship and risk immediate rejection or wait and bring it up later.

    • Immediate rejection is better than hurting someone you care for

  • no, unless it was just making out.

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  • Polyamory is just a certain way people are wired, and I'm just not wired that way so no. The idea doesn't appeal to me. I have a friend who is polyamourous and so are her boyfriends and she says she couldn't be happier. I've tried open relationships in the past but they just didn't work for me. Everyone is wired a different way, some are hardwired monogamous such as myself, and others aren't.

    If you want to be in a poly relationship, you also have to know that those women are just as entitled to be with other men as well. Don't confuse polyamory with a harem.

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    • Of course I'm all for her having other boyfriends I'm not selfish. As long as I have other girlfriends.

  • I am not sure full on poly would be workable for me, as I like a lot of aspects of monogamy but I do have had massive difficulties with remaining faithful when I am in monogamous relationships.

    The ideal situation for me would an open relationship where you're allowed to sleep with people outside your primary relationship, but subject to following agreed rules: 1) No sleeping with anyone who is friend or acquaintance of your primary partner 2) all outside things have to be one offs - so no sleeping with another person more than once 3) operating a don't ask don't tell policy regarding your extra curricular adventures and 4) obviously mandatory to use protection and regular STD check ups, etc.

    It's really unrealistic to expect your partner never to be sexually attracted to anyone else, even if they remain emotionally committed, and sometimes all you need is to be able to sleep with the other person once, to get it out of your system and then you can move on and no longer be distracted by your sexual attraction to the other person. I appreciate that very few people would agree to that kind of open relationship, but I do find it ridiculous when people end very long term relationships of 5 years or more, because their partner slept with another person just once and never had any intention of starting a relationship with the other/man or woman.

    An affair where your partner was basically having a parallel relationship with someone else for months or year, is a genuine betrayal worth breaking up over, but sleeping with someone else just once, is being human.

    I think that an emotionally committed relationship that allows for a limited degree of sexual exploration on the side is more realistic than expecting your partner to be a nun/monk, where the opposite sex is concerned, especially if you're a couple within drastically different sex drives.

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    • There are many types of open relationships and polyamorous ones too. It all depends on the rules you set. I'm glad you agree that it's unreasonable for a person not to be attracted to anyone else that is just one of the reasons I'm poly the other is easier access to sex.

  • Bro can you even land one woman?

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    • Oh and just so you know, polygamy doesn't work. It never has. It's just a bunch of people fooling themselves that end up getting hurt and being miserable. I reckon you'll learn this the hard way as did I.

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    • My question is not about polygamy, it is about polyamoury.
      I have mixed feelings towards polygamy.

    • Pretty much the same thing. Stop being a wise ass.

What Guys Said 12

  • Most studies show that polyamourus relationships fail, either due to jealousy or because the balancing of time between muliple people and having to ensure no one is left out becomes increasingly difficult. When you have sex your brain releases oxytocin that creates emotional bonds with that person, if you where to spend to much time with one individual then the other it would result in a stronger emotional bond resulting in the disolution of the polyamourus relationship. Others who do not end up ruining there relationships usually slide back into a monogoumus relationship for the above reasons. We are not built for it mentally or biologicly. Honestly seems just another excuse to get your jollies without it being considered cheating, as you have admitted to. As for my personal feelings, no I would not want a polyamourus relationship, I find balancing time with a hand full of friends dificult, throw in multiple girlfriends and it would be a nightmare. I only want one women and I would not tolerate a girlfriend to be with any one but me. If I am expected to ask her out, take her on a date, pay for date, repeat, buy her flowers, buy her jewelery, spend time with her love her and cherish her, why would I allow her to run off and have sex with another man when I was the one doing all the work?

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    • Yes, exactly. Relationships involving more than 2 people aren't even relationships in my world, they are fake and almost always doomed to fail...

    • @love2run13 its basic biology and physcology. We are not physicaly built for it as I pointed out, but when you want something you generally create lies and cherry pick data in order to justify the behavior so that you can save face and indulge guilt free.

    • @love2run13 Also as I mentioned at the end of my take, men where expected to do all of that and sacrifice themselves for a woman if, and it frequently was historicly speaking, necessary. I imagine the response after all that to be told that there significant other isn't satisified with just them and wants to spend time with someon else, who most likely is not doing all of this, to be less then understanding.

  • No way. I don't mind if my female partner goes with other guys. If some other guy is servicing her, that's less work for me at the end of the day.

    On the other hand, one girl is enough. More than one girl is just complete derailment from life. Between work and family, I don't know how guys do it. It's called porn. You don't need to position yourself to meet porn, you don't need to pick porn up, you don't need to woo porn, you don't need to flirt with porn, you don't need to pay for porn, and you don't need to care whether porn got off.

    Men don't really want "sex" with a real life human being most of the time - they just want to get off. Going with another woman is retarded. That's like buying a Ferrari just so you can pick up groceries from the store on the corner. How is that worth it? Just "walk" there and back. Cost/benefit people.

    Plus, there's a sort of guilty pleasure from knowing that there are "other girls" out there that are still looking for a guy they actually want to have sex with, and are either at home with "no guy," or have compromised and settled with a guy that they don't really genuinely want to have sex with (i. e., are stuck conflating how they feel about the guy emotionally in order to convince themselves that they have desire to have sex with him).

    For $0 and in 15-30 minutes, guys can have a much better (and safer) experience at home on their own, than in trying to go around having sex with all these other women. I, personally, think that's retarded when I see guys doing that.

    Plus, guys don't actually need to "have sex with" other women in order to get all the emotional/psychological benefits from the "polygamous" lifestyle. Guys need to get better at telling when a girl wants to fcuk him. You can "flirt" with a girl - that's okay. When it gets to the point where you can tell that... if you wanted to keep letting things naturally move forward, it would eventually lead to sex... STOP! You're done. You've gotten what you came for - confirmation and validation that you're still sexually desirable and wanted in the marketplace. You don't actually need to "have sex" with that other girl to prove that to yourself.

    Plus, think about your kids. Are you really going to let your kids not graduate with honors, or not go to a better school, or be drowning with debt from student loans, or not buy their first house sooner, just because you wanted to go with all these other women? I think that's stupid.

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    • I'm guessing you have a very low sex drive that's why. We live in a time of equality, your wallet doesn't have to be empty the girl can pay for herself.

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    • That reminds me. "Guys go into the strip club and think they have all the power because their wallets be full. But it's the girls with all the power. They get on that pole and make all the guys hypnotized with how they keeps spinning around. That's how I feel when I watch a cake teasing me as it's spinning inside the glass display in the bakery. But at least I get to eat mine."

  • "polyamorous" sounds like a cool way of saying "I want to cheat on my SO but don't want to get in trouble, so I'll just make them be ok with it."

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    • It's not cheating. Cheating is behind the person's back while polyamoury is the consent of all those involved

  • Not at all.
    To each their own but I'm a 1 woman chap o_o
    Other women seem to just turn into grey blobs of personality when I'm in a relationship anyway lol.

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  • I get jealous too easily. I feel relationships should be something very special and shared between two people. That's just my opinion though

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    • Well person A can have a special relationship with person C and a special relationship with person B.

    • Nah nah nah I agree with DeltaDanner, it gets WAY too unnecessarily complicated with more than 2 people... I need to focus on ONE person in a relationship and I don't want anyone else.

  • I'm not built for a poly relationship! I don't want to have to share my loved one with anyone.

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    • What about being with other women?
      You must find someone other than your SO attractive.

  • I'd sooner shoot myself in the foot than try this stuff out.

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  • Absolutely not. I am a one woman man and she better be a one man woman

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  • I'm in one. I am polyamorous and would describe myself as such even if I wasn't seeing anyone or was seeing only one person. It isn't for everyone, but it is for some, and consenting adults should be free to have their relationships without discrimination.

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  • Hey bud. It's you again. Yeah I'm currently not in a polyamorous relationship, but I'd like to be. I've never dated from a monogamous standpoint.

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  • Usually, it's far more complicated than it appears. I know a couple in an open marriage. There have been some really fucked up situations...

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  • Yes, this is romance for me, not the "one and only" business most go for. I want to have two or three partners that are all in love with each other as well as me so we can be like a family. But I'm not as interested in liking only one and sharing them, or being liked by two who don't get along.

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    • So they share you but you don't share them?

    • I mean a closed three-way (or more) relationship. We all love and have sex and whatever with each other but not outside our group. All shared equally.

    • Ok that makes sense. I've always wanted 2 bisexual women.

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